My name is Marsha, and I just read your post about pants/ and then I read your profile. I try to have a positive outlook on life, but somehow, drama ( in the way of family illness, my ex husband, me & my two sons) seemed to find us. But i've thrived and endured, and still stop to smell those roses.
Although I'm about 10 years older than you are, I've had my ileostomy for more than 50 years, since I was 15. But my problems with clothes ( shirtwaist dresses of the 1950's ) started long before I had my ostomy. That just added to the "issue". :) )
I came to understand why women ( in particular) have difficulty with body image. I think I spent my childhood hearing my mother say, pull your dress down. Sigh. Seems my waist was about 2 inches lower, than any size clothes I wore. So the waist line on dresses never came down to "my" waist, and the waistline on pants/ jeans ( in the 60's) were always too high. I was grateful for "hip huggers", which seemed to fit perfectly at the dent that is/ was my waist. I was also in a backbrace for a time, which made my waistline really disappear! The years passed, i had children, gained weight, and nothing ever seemed to fit "right". I was way into my 20's before I discovered the genius of "dressmakers/ tailoring, and eventually I learned to sew, ( to save money really). But I digress...
Here are some of the things I learned...
Do as Ladyhope suggested, and find a good pair /brand of ( not frumpy) stretch panty. I discovered boy shorts recently, but they didn't really fit my "body type" around the leg, and don't hold the pouch in at the bottom. "Jockey" has some really nice ones....and although they don't have enough support ( for my belly) they do hold the pouch close to the skin. Walmart. and low end, discount department stores, are all good places to try. Even places like Target. Seek and you shal find...is my motto. Once you've found the right support panty, you'll be better able to get a good fit on clothes, especially pants.
Zippered dress pants have always been a problem for me, because of the waisteline. I've resorted to having the zipper removed, cut down the top, and make a "pull on pair of pants. A soft fabric shouldn't hurt the stoma, even if it's at the top of the wafer. Use extra tope, so the wafer can't be pulled off. Jeans have been more of an issue. I wouldn't want the heavy fabric binding the wafer. Hip Huggers for you, might come too low, so again, it's trial and error. Frustrating....if it's not what you're use to....but it's what I've had to face all my life.
I've also resorted to "pull on" elastic waistline pants, because I could alter them myself. Pull-ons use to be polyester "old people" clothes, or so I thought, until they began to make jeans, denim, & twill with elastic waistbands. I was thrilled. To this day, When I find something that fits, I buy it in every color.
If you've been one of the lucky people, who was able to put on a pair of pants in the store...and they fit, then this must seem like a real challenge now. It will take some doing, but you'll figure it out.
I have a friend ( who also has an ostomy for more than 50) years, and although she has a beautiful, tall, long legged, slim body....she "hates" her body, because she could never wear a "neat little bikini". But she can wear short shorts, and a bikini top. I don't get it.... and I've vowed never to be like her.
Stay in touch...and "post" when you have news to share, or to vent....