Struggling with Dating Post-Divorce and Health Issues

For a while, I just wish I could meet someone. I've been divorced and single forever. :( I have a severe vocal disorder and colostomy with a hernia. Who's going to find anything about that attractive? :(

Hello. Remember, there are some folks who see the positive in everything. Had this been 10 years ago, I was in a darker place, fighting the demons of war. I decided to relocate to Maine, from PA, and that move saved my life. It is semi-rural here, compared to having people live on top of and beside you.

Anyways, some people will accept you just the way you are. I decided to explain to people about my situation, as it is a part of me. Most are accepting, others run as if I have the Plague. You are attractive, both inside and out!!! Do not accept folks saying otherwise. I used to feed off negative folks. I now only associate with positive people. I am having to fight the VA, due to them missing my rectal cancer for over 10 years. I am advocating for myself, and I had to study the laws regarding the VA. I refuse to take no for an answer, and I understand it is not the entire VA system. I had a non-caring doctor, and she stated it was all in my head. I know my body, and I requested a new doctor, and that move saved my life. I take nothing for granted now.

Anyways, more about yourself... you stated you have been single for a while. That may be a good thing. I took 5 years from dating, and decided to date again. I believe I dated due to my "going after the first one". I was criticized for the way I parented, and my son decided to move back in with his mom. That devastated me. I decided at that point to become a better person. Believe me when I mention this... You can get through this. Remember this... negative folks target others who are most vulnerable. Misery may love company. Try to be over on the next street when misery visits.

If you would like to communicate further, please reply back. Have a great day!

Andy

Hello Becrhomat. Frustration is a common emotional response to things we wish we could change but find it difficult to do so. You mention just three physical things that other people may not find attractive about you. Upon reflection about people I have known, there have been very few who have so little about them that is unattractive. Physical attributes are some the least of the attributes which put off the more mature human beings. Much more unattractive are psychological and emotional problems, which tend to get in the way of forming and maintaining reasonable relationships. When folks focus on specific attributes which they consider undesirable, those attributes appear to assume much greater importance in life than they necessarily are. Every human being has things that they would rather change about themselves, or at least other people might like to change about them. However, the people who seem to have the closest friends tend to be those who diminish the significance of the negative things in their lives and make the most of the positives. It is the positivity which others trend to be attracted to and this can lead to lasting friendships. There is a lot of truth in the notion that much of what we take for ‘beauty’ is only skin-deep and is not a very sound basis for relationships.
I have developed a list of ‘aims’ in this regard and they have served me well over the years. They can be found in my contribution to the ‘GOALS’ section if you are interested.
I hope you find a friend soon and may that friendship last.
Best wishes
Bill

becrhomat: I read your post at 3:00 AM. Andy and Bill were right on point. Tornadoes don't stay for long. Then come thunderstorms, but even then, the sun always comes out. Hold on... Angelicamarie

Thank you

Avoiding Ostomy Bag Leaking | Managing Ostomy Leaks with LeeAnne Hayden

Angel, you always give such heartfelt advice; truly a voice of an angel.

X_

becrhomat no disrespect intended: This is directed to Xerxes... Though truly not an angel 😇. That's a wonderful compliment if only I were. Thank you again.

Hello bechromat. I really do feel for you. My own situation is similar, but my husband died. For a long time, I really hoped and prayed I would meet someone else, but I didn't. I have come to a point of peace in my life, accepting that. I am happy and enjoy my life for what it is.

I really do hope your dreams come true: that you will meet someone, and you deserve to. We all deserve to be happy and you have had a bad time. Try to get out and meet people, and who knows what is around the corner? And remember we are all flawed human beings... don't put yourself down.

But however hard it may seem, remember you must love yourself first, and value yourself and care for yourself. If you meet someone, that's wonderful. But if you don't, you can be happy.

Take care.

Hello

Believe it or not, there are actually men out there who do not care if you have an ostomy.

I was in a relationship for over 8 years after my divorce. He didn't mind at all. In fact, he was very interested in it. If anyone you meet does mind, then they are very shallow.

Remember, what is inside a person is what counts.

Hi Becrhomat. There are times I wish my wife had "a severe vocal disorder." (And we love each other dearly)! My humor aside, it would help others if you first learned to appreciate yourself. Each of us is far more than our stomas. And I have met too many people who are far less without one. Don't be afraid to let others into your life. Of course, there will always be those who cannot, oh, let's just say 'deal' with a stoma. Their loss. You'll still find a majority of people who realize your qualities as a human being are not defined by a medical procedure. Wishing you happiness and acceptance on your own terms - Silveradokid.

Simple answer: lots of men/women, whichever you prefer. You just need to build your confidence back up again. I've had an ileostomy for more than half my life now and it has never caused any problems with new partners. You will be surprised how many people won't be the slightest bit bothered about you having an ostomy or vocal disorder. They make you who you are, and that's the person they fall in love with.