This topic is about whether gay men with an ostomy can still engage in anal sex or if they need to limit their intimate activities to non-penetrative ones. The person asking the question emphasizes that this is important for their quality of life.

Here are some key points and advice shared on the topic:

- The question is specifically about anal intercourse and not about inserting anything into the stoma.
- The person feels uneasy about inserting even a finger into the anus since their surgery and plans to discuss this with their surgeon at an upcoming appointment.
- They express disappointment at being judged negatively for asking this question.

Advice and insights from others include:

1. Do not insert anything into the stoma, as it can cause serious complications by splitting the scarred rim.
2. Anal sex might still be possible, depending on how much of the rectum or anal "stump" remains after surgery. Once fully healed, a retained stump of adequate length (about 6 inches, according to one person) might allow for penetration.
3. Stoma penetration is strongly discouraged by everyone who responded.
4. It is crucial to consult with the operating surgeon or a colorectal specialist. They can confirm the length of the stump, how it was closed, and whether it is structurally safe for anal intercourse. They can also explain whether fluids have a safe exit path, as some people worry about internal leakage, though the stump is usually closed to the peritoneal cavity.
5. Discuss potential risks with your doctor, such as tearing scar tissue, infection, sepsis, and damage to internal sutures.
6. Some people with ostomies continue to have normal sexual activity, while others find it challenging. Individual experiences vary.
7. Emotional support is important. Having a stoma does not mean the end of a sex life. Seek accurate medical guidance and try to ignore any negative comments.