Deciding when to tell others that you have a stoma can be a delicate matter. It's not something that easily comes up in casual conversation, especially with new people. Here are some thoughts and advice on how to approach this situation:

- General approach:
- There is no one-size-fits-all answer; do what feels right for you.
- Consider it personal information and share it only when necessary.
- Most people react less strongly than you might expect; it often feels like a bigger deal to you than to others.

- Casual or short-term contacts:
- For brief encounters or social acquaintances, it's usually not necessary to disclose.
- Many have managed one-night stands without mentioning it, and it rarely caused issues.

- Developing or intimate relationships:
- If a relationship seems likely to become sexual, it's better to disclose sooner rather than later to avoid surprises.
- A good rule of thumb is to tell them before they see you naked.
- If a partner cannot accept the stoma, it might indicate a mismatch, which is better to discover early on.

- How to tell:
- Present the information confidently and matter-of-factly; the less you make of it, the less others will.
- Some choose to explain only after a visible bulge, leak, or when the appliance might be felt during intimacy, while others prefer a quiet conversation beforehand.

- Practical tips for intimacy:
- Use ultra-mini, non-drainable "cap" pouches to minimize bulk during sexual activity.
- Time intimate moments for low-output periods once you understand your body's pattern; colostomates might consider irrigation for a predictable output-free window.

- Managing public curiosity:
- If a hernia or the pouch is visible through clothing and attracts attention, a simple phrase like "It's a stoma" can ease awkwardness—humor can help too.
- Loose clothing or strategic cover-ups can be useful if you prefer not to discuss it.

- Mind-set and body image:
- Everyone has body insecurities; owning yours confidently can reduce others' focus on it.
- Personality, connection, and attitude are often more important to partners than physical "perfection."

- Bottom line:
- Decide based on the type and depth of the relationship, your comfort level, and the likelihood that the other person will encounter your appliance.
- There is no "perfect moment"; trust yourself to choose the time that feels right.