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Mar 07, 2024

Struggling with Stoma - Seeking Support and Understanding

This topic is about living with a stoma, especially when dealing with the emotional challenges that arise if a partner struggles to accept it. It touches on issues of body image, intimacy, and self-esteem. Here are some pieces of advice and insights shared by others who have faced similar situations:

1. Life-Saving Perspective & Gratitude
- Many people emphasize that having a stoma can be life-saving, allowing you to enjoy more sunsets, time with grandchildren, and other precious moments. Focusing on these positives can help shift your perspective.

2. Mind-Set and Self-Talk
- It's helpful to replace thoughts like "Why me?" with "Let's enjoy today." Remember, self-esteem comes from within, not from others. While it's normal to feel down sometimes, try to redirect prolonged negativity with daily affirmations, goal-setting, and practicing gratitude.

3. Questioning an Unsupportive Partner
- Some suggest that a partner's negative reaction can be seen as cruel or toxic. Consider counseling, setting boundaries, or even reevaluating the relationship. One idea is to ask your partner to wear an appliance for a day to build empathy.

4. Rebuilding Confidence & Body Image
- Engage in self-care activities like skincare routines, manicures, exercise, or weight management programs. Join communities where openness about having a stoma is normal. Remember, most potential partners care about you as a person, not the stoma.

5. Intimacy Strategies
- Before intimacy, empty or clean the pouch, and consider wearing snug wraps or support garments to keep the appliance secure and out of sight. Small "cap" pouches can be used for intimate moments. Communicate openly with your partner about fears and practicalities.

6. Humor & Normalizing Accidents
- Embrace humor, like joking about a loud gas release during a meeting. Confidence grows when you own the situation.

7. Products & Suppliers Mentioned
- Some products that might help include Salts Healthcare's "Comfort B" bags in various colors and COSRX skincare products for self-pampering.

8. Community Support
- The community is there to support you. Many have faced the shock of surgery and the challenges of appliance management and partner acceptance. They understand and are ready to listen.

9. Final Encouragement
- You've already shown resilience by living with a stoma for seven years. Invest that strength in loving yourself, exploring new appliance options, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your worth.
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