This topic is about dealing with intimacy issues after a temporary ileostomy and its reversal. The person sharing their story is concerned about the impact these medical events have had on their relationship with their boyfriend, who underwent emergency surgery for diverticulitis. Since the surgery, their intimacy has dwindled, and the boyfriend believes things will improve once the ileostomy bag is removed. However, the relationship feels more like a friendship, and the person is seeking advice on how to help.

Here are some helpful insights and advice:

1. Reassurance and Acceptance
- Clearly express that the stoma and scars do not bother you. Regular verbal and physical affirmations can help him feel desirable again.
- Understand that he may still be processing the changes to his body, which can take time. Patience and empathy are key.
- His avoidance is likely due to his own self-esteem issues, not a lack of attraction to you.

2. Normalize the Ostomy and Body Changes
- Treat the stoma or scars as a normal part of life. Some couples even give them humorous names to lighten the mood.
- Even after the reversal, the psychological impact of scars and changes in appearance can linger.

3. Practical Aids for Intimacy
- Consider using a snug cover during intimate moments, such as a tube-top style band or commercial wraps from Ostomy Secrets.
- A secure wrap can help keep the pouch or post-surgery belly out of sight, reducing anxiety.
- For concerns about odor, try using Hollister M9 Odor-Eliminating Drops inside the pouch.

4. Give Time—but Don’t Force
- It may take several months before resuming sexual activity, even with a loving partner. Forcing the issue can be counterproductive.
- Focus on other forms of closeness during this time, as periods of non-sexual partnership are common in long-term relationships.

5. Address Possible Physical Barriers
- Major abdominal surgery can sometimes affect nerves related to the prostate and impact erections. If this is a concern, consult a doctor.

6. Consider Professional Help
- Persistent low mood and withdrawal may indicate trauma-related depression. Counseling or couples therapy could help both partners process their feelings.

7. Self-Care for the Partner
- Acknowledge your own emotional needs and maintain open, honest conversations about mutual expectations to avoid becoming an additional stressor for him.