This topic is about understanding the dynamics of dating and intimacy when one partner has an ostomy, from the perspective of someone who does not have an ostomy themselves. It explores how perceptions and realities can differ and offers insights and advice for navigating relationships where an ostomy is involved.

- A woman in her 40s has started a casual relationship with a man in his 60s who likely has an ostomy. Initially, she had misconceptions about ostomies, imagining them as large and possibly smelly. However, after some research, she found that modern pouches are actually small and discreet.

- Her experience with intimacy helped her overcome any concerns about attractiveness or logistics. She realized that an ostomy did not affect her desire for him. She also noted that he has an active sex life, which reassured her that a fulfilling and appealing sex life is possible after surgery.

- She believes that disclosing the presence of an ostomy too early might discourage some potential partners. Instead, she suggests waiting until a certain level of intimacy is reached, so the partner already sees the ostomate as attractive.

Advice and insights from the discussion include:

1. Timing of disclosure:
- Some ostomates find that telling partners early works well because confidence and arousal can override concerns.
- Others suggest waiting to disclose until the ostomate feels comfortable, as long as the relationship is progressing well.

2. Common questions from partners and answers:
- "Am I hurting you?" → No, normal sexual activity does not cause pain.
- "Should I avoid touching/pressing your stomach?" → Only right after surgery; otherwise, it is fine.
- "Could the pouch come off?" → Modern pouches are secure and stay in place unless forcibly removed.
- "Do you still orgasm normally?" → Yes, as surgery affects the bowel, not the sex organs.
- "Does it get in the way?" → An ostomy wrap or folding/taping the pouch can keep it secure and out of the way.

3. Gear and management tips:
- Ostomy wraps can help secure the pouch during sex.
- Two-piece systems with flushable disposable pouch liners allow users to remove and discard liners, reducing odor and eliminating the need for cleaning bottles. Just carry spare liners.

4. Mind-set:
- Confidence is often the biggest challenge, not the appliance itself.
- For those who have had emergency surgeries, education from skilled nurses and instructional videos can help ease the adjustment.

5. Products mentioned include Viagra, humorously suggested for erectile support.