Hi Molly, it sounds like you have serious, constant gut problems. I've read all of the helpful comments written here, and I hope they help you decide the direction to solve your issues.
There is one thing that caused me a little worry. Many of the comments make it sound like getting an ileostomy and dealing with it is simple and the way to go. I understand that they are truly suffering before the surgery, so in comparison, having an ileostomy is easy. I hope you are reading and talking to many who have done the procedure so you get the full picture.
Eight months ago, I was having bowel obstructions, chronic constipation, and chronic gut pain. During exploratory surgery, they discovered metastatic breast cancer in my colon and small intestines, so they performed a loop ileostomy. The surgery was not extremely painful.
Taking care of the ostomy is a pretty constant thing for me due to having tons of liquid output, which switches to pancaking. I'm retired, so I can use bathrooms whenever I need (very frequently). I don't go many places due to never knowing if my pouch will leak or fill up, plus chemo. But dealing with the ostomy is time-consuming, plus waking up several times at night to empty.
This group is the perfect place for you to get a picture of life with an ostomy. I wish you luck solving your medical problems. I watch YouTube videos of people with many years of experience, telling and showing how they deal with ostomies. I've learned tons of solutions there.
It sounds like you are choosing between two of the finest medical facilities in our country, and I doubt you could go wrong with either. Good luck! Keep us up to date on your progress, please. Janfan
