I’VE JUST DISCOVERED THAT the tinkerer who lives nearby and spends long evenings making odd sounds in his workshop has come up with something. He has invented a time machine. Although it kind of looks like a do-it-yourself project gone wrong, he swears that it will transport me through time. He says that, just two days before, he had tea with Shakespeare’s scrivener. So he asks me: do I want to try it? OMG, what do I do? DO I WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME, OR FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE?
Now, there’s a bit of a catch to this, he says. First of all, his time travel machine, being a prototype model, can only be programmed in 100-year increments. Well, that’s not a big deal, I say. But, he says, the next thing is that I have to sign a paper promising that I absolutely will not, under any circumstances, do anything that might alter history (if I go back in time), not can I take advantage of anything that I might learn about the future (should I time travel forward). Naturally, I would have no problem signing such a promise. What’s he going to do, sue me?
Third, he points out to me that, although he can program his time machine to take me wherever I want to go (England, Persia, Rome, wherever), I won’t be able to speak the language, and that could present a problem. Even in England, he reminds me, if I go back far enough, the language will not be any English that I recognize. This recalls the troubles I had reading Chaucer, and he was 14th Century.
DO I WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME, OR FORWARD?
Now, if I travel back in time, my superior knowledge could give me an edge if I run into any difficulties. On the other hand, health care back then being even worse than it is today, I might catch my death.
If I travel into the future, I might learn all sorts of cool things from futuristic technological advances that would make a smart phone seem antediluvian by comparison. On the other hand, I may find myself in Kevin Costner’s “Waterworld,” what with global warming and all, and I don’t know anything about operating boats. Then it occurs to me, I better ask him if I can take some ostomy supplies with me.
DO I WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME, OR FORWARD?
What would you do?
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