Seeking Support: Coping with Urostomy and Memory Loss


Hi.. I'm having a bad week, just depressed. Looking for a group who can relate! Had my surgery Dec 15th this past year.. now have a Urostomy.

But did not know till I woke from surgery. I thought they were rebuilding my bladder. I had bladder cancer. For the most part, it's been a smooth transition with me actually

doing my changes etc. but like tonight.... it hits me again. After all my chemo etc, I have had memory loss and things are just starting to surface. I'd like to hear others

who have gone through this...


Hi mikamouse, welcome to the site. Sorry you are having such a hard time. I think most of us have gone through times of depression. It does get better as we learn how to handle things that go wrong from time to time. I had chemo and radiation. The radiation has caused me problems with kidneys and bladder, also with my hip and leg. My memory has been a little problem lately. But I also have diabetes and at my age, I just figure that may be my memory problems. I am sure some others will chime in. Feel free to ask any questions you have and hang in there. Best wishes

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Hi Mika,

Welcome to the clan... glad to have you! It's hard not to get depressed when something like this happens to you... you're thrust into a whole new world, some of us with no warning. The depression is part of the learning curve... so it's to be expected. So long as it doesn't become a permanent thing... you'll be fine. Just make sure to vent your frustrations... and here's a pretty good place... with the like-minded. That makes it easier. For what it's worth... I can't remember shit either... no pun intended, so you're in good company. Can't comment on the urostomy part... but others will chime in shortly. Welcome again!




Hello mikamouse.
Thanks for posting about your depression and I'm pleased that you have already received some useful replies.
Depression is a common state of affairs, especially after the trauma of surgery. Very often it will diminish with time. However, if it doesn’t do so, then professional help is sometimes the order of the day.
I find that ’distractions’ are quite a useful technique for alleviating depression and in my case I use the compilation of rhymes as that distraction. By documenting my thoughts in this way, it uses up ‘time’ and it allows me to state my feelings and then move on to something more pleasant and positive, rather than dwelling on the negatives.
I’ll share a couple of my rhymes on this subject, but (as an indication of just how prevalent depression tends to be) there are many more where these came from:
Best wishes


Physical pain to some degree.
Might be very hard on me.
But there is nothing I’ve found yet.
To beat the pain of mental threat.

Physical ills are plain to see.
But mental ones are worse for me.
I never know when, if or whether.
They’ll come alone or strike together.

I cope quite well with body pains.
But not so well with mental strains.
Each of these has its own way.
To tell me if I’m ill today.

If you hear me scream or shout.
That will be a mental bout.
But if you see me wince a lot.
It’s body pains that I have got.

I rarely have the moans and groans.
If pain is coming from my bones.
Or if they’re in my failing frame.
I am quite good at the coping game.

But all my coping fails I find.
If the pain’s within my mind.
No matter if it’s big or small.
I cannot seem to cope at all.

This type of pain will grow and grow.
Without an antidote I know.
I try my best to shake it off.
Just like I would with a bad cough.

But these two things are not the same.
One drags me down and one I tame.
It’s always been a fault of mine.
I hoped would heal if given time.

                                       B. Withers 2012
(In: A Thesis on Constructive Conversations Inversed 2012) 


If you like, within this session.
We can talk about depression.
First let us look behind the scenes.
To find out what it really means.

Think of an oscillating line.
Where the ups and downs combine.
These two are in a partnership.
Depression’s where the line will dip.

You would not get depressive slumps.
Without the correlating humps.
Keeping ups and downs in mind.
Is how depression is defined.

I think the ups are apposite.
For balancing the opposite.
The greater height the upward swings.
The deeper depths depression brings.

It’s when the balancing is lost.
We begin to count the cost.
We feel the downward side’s to blame.
And so ignore from whence it came.

There surely is a moral here.
With ups and downs it is quite clear.
They come together as a pair.
Eventually the other’s there.

If you don’t want your downs too deep.
A different balance you should keep.
If the lows you would defy.
Don’t let your ups get up too high.

This has been my firm impression.
It’s the ups precede depression.
The trouble is the ups seem fine.
And most don’t want a flatter line.

                                          B. Withers 2012
(In: A Thesis on Constructive Conversations Inversed 2012)

ron in mich

Hi Mika and welcome to the site, I've had an ileostomy for 30 some years now and like Bob said, it's a learning curve not only from the ostomy but mentally. The "why me?" then anger or depression, but eventually we realize that it's manageable and that's when acceptance is realized and life goes on. Good luck.

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Reply to lovely

Thanks Lovely for the support!! It was nice to hear I'm not alone with memory issues. It's not now, but from the past year, so I am assuming it was my chemo. I had lots of trouble with it!
Thanks for your time!


Hi Mika and welcome to the site! Lots of great advice and experiences posted here. Not much that is not addressed somewhere. I have had chemo and radiation 7 times collectively. Not fun even having it one time! I do know that memory loss was a real ordeal. I am not sure if it is forgetfulness or just not having the will, spirit or energy to remember. Whichever, it is real. Maybe we are so concerned about living, all else seems trivial. I would always forget to pay a bill and that is not me. Thank goodness for auto pays! Lol

The good news is, it does return to normal. Everyone's timing is different. Once we are comfortable in our new life, we can get on with managing it.
Good luck,


Past Member

Hi Mika Mouse, welcome. I cannot comment on bladder or cancer. I had emergency surgery for a ruptured colon, and they were even so kind to save my life. They gave me a little bag to wear. Okay, let's just say I was not expecting that and did okay for a while. I get what I call situational depression. Mine is not clinical, thank God. Normally, I am the kind to be depressed for a day or so, then kick myself and move on. This time, it was different. I could not get out of the big black hole I fell into. My best friend told me I had drastically changed and to go see my doctor. He gave me nortriptyline, and within days, I was out of the hole. So don't get too deep; it will be harder to get out. As for memory, my twin keeps telling me, "You told me that yesterday." So she recommended that I put butter and coconut oil in my coffee. She says it feeds the brain. I haven't started it yet due to an infection. I try to add new things slowly to see how my body reacts.

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