Dating with a Urostomy: How Difficult Is It?

How hard is it for people with urostomies to date anyone!

Can only speak from my own experience from having an ileostomy for more than half my life. No problems in my younger days; it even turned some women on just knowing I had a bag. In my youth, I've had one-night stands and even less ☺ they weren't bothered about it. Don't worry about it; if they don't like you or your bag, it just wasn't meant to be. The next one, or the one after that, will like you.

Well said. Ben. Agreed.

A stoma is a stoma. Bagging devices vary. I'm not familiar with what the O.P. has or how it's worn.

I, too, have an ileo for 8 years now.

I've been on a few dates. I never told them about it. This topic comes up quite a bit due to lack of confidence. If you allow it to ruin your date night, it will.

You are still the same person you were pre-ostomy.

You also have an opportunity to date fellow uros here. Make a connection.

There are members here with 2 bags as well.

The short answer to your question is it should not be difficult to date.

It's on you. Attitude. Mindset. Confidence. Go get them, Tiger!

🐅 Grrrr.

Agree completely with what Ben and Warrior said.

I'll add that I have 2 bags, urostomy and colostomy... I'm married, so I'm not dating, but the bags don't bother my husband.

G-Day hitchingsjayne1,

The main problem that holds people back from dating is themselves. If I didn't tell the person, they would never know I have an ileostomy, and if you do tell them and they disappear, then you just found someone that wasn't meant for you. You might have to kiss a lot of Frogladies to find the right one. Get out there.

Regards, IGGIE

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Agree with igie.

G-Day Windchime,

He might have been an actor, but he must play the part of a blind person. Good luck with your search.

Regards, IGGIE

I'm new to the colostomy, but it seems dating will be hard. I can't even hide the bag under a baggy dress.

Hi hitchins'

The answer to your question of how hard it is to date with a urostomy is…………..it's harder than if you didn't have one. Dating is all about selectively looking for a mate, even if it's just for a one-time fling. Unless, of course, you think so little of yourself that you'd take anyone who shows a modicum of interest, but we're not talking about anyone like that. If we weren't selective, then everyone would just start having a relationship with the first person they meet. Oh gosh……Heaven help the first gal who ran into Warrior!!! Sorry Bro…….just couldn't resist!!! We just don't talk like we used to!! Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

And because it's all about selectivity, people look at both your good attributes and your less-than-good attributes and then make a decision to stay or run. And you do the same thing when you're sizing up a date or potential mate. Normally, attributes that are outside societal “norms” will probably be held against you. I mean, who doesn't like ‘normal'? Don't say it Bro…….. There are exceptions, of course, but you know what I'm saying.

So when Ben says “Don't worry about it if they don't like you or bag it just wasn't meant to be the next one or the one after that will like you” and Iggie says “…..and they disappear then you just found someone that wasn't meant for you. You might have to kiss a lot of Frogladies to find the right one”…….they're saying it is harder, but they just ignore the rejection and keep on fishing, as there are a LOT more fish in the sea! If you just sit there on the dock and cry about the one that just got away……..you're going home with nothing to eat.

So how hard dating is for you, no matter what type of physical, medical, or mental impairment you have, will all come down to how you deal with rejection and whether you can keep yourself focused on your goal of finding someone fantastic who loves you for who you are. Think of it this way…….dating for normal people is like finding a needle in a haystack. When you're an ostomate, the needle is the same size, but the haystack just got a bit bigger.

Happy hunting!!

;O)

It is his loss, not yours. Lots of good advice here for you. That damn bag can be an obstacle to love and romance, but only if you let it be one. So many have chucked it out the window and found happiness with the right person. So will you. "Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift." Mary Oliver. "The Uses of Sorrow."

Brother Bob, you need to start taking some Imodium to stop that sh@t talking mouth. 😀..

Just kidding. Love you, man. Nice swing..(I guess you didn't read the "prince or princess" thread?)

Good warning. Ha ha..

The thing is,.....my experimenting the last few dates I had was...lack of chemistry. Yup. Shocker, right?.

They were not aware I was wearing a bag, nor were they aware of my medical history.

So..it clearly was not about accessories worn.

The sad part is I delivered.. I checked ✅️ off all their boxes on their stupid "do him or not do him" list. (Yes, there are lists - like shopping lists)

Humor and chemistry, folks. And you will nail it. 🔨.

Forget having a bag. Got spirit?

I doubt anyone who was a true "keeper" would see the bag and run.

It isn't as obvious as you think. People tend not to notice as much about others as they notice about themselves. When was the last time you saw someone wearing an ostomy bag? I'm betting you never saw one before you had one. Even with my heightened awareness, I still haven't spotted one "in the wild." And statistically, I've definitely seen people who had one. But I notice mine multiple times a day.

So maybe a guy thinking about a relationship with a woman looks a little closer. If he doesn't move on to your face and engage with you, good riddance. That isn't a relationship. If he has a concern, he can ask. I cannot imagine it really happening like that, but be prepared. If it isn't a big deal for you, it won't be for him. And if it is... again, good riddance. He wasn't in it for you.

The haystack may be bigger, but you'll waste less time getting to the needle. Wrong relationships will end faster. So you'll move on quicker.

Agree with IGGIE 💯 

The statement you make about him not having to settle for someone like you makes me sad. Unfortunately, these men do exist. I say shame on them. Get one of those voodoo dolls and stick some pins in it!! He doesn't deserve you, girl.

There is someone out there for you. Someone who will not care about your bag issues. Keep your chin up! I am sorry to hear about your marriage, though. That's rough. Better days ahead, Windchime 😊

“I was rejected by someone due to my urostomy”……”so he did not have to settle for someone like me.” Girl, you have lived with the pain and suffering of a bladder the size of a walnut and having to urinate 60 times a day. Then, exchanging that misery for 10 years of life navigating the challenges of a urostomy. You have proven many times your strength, resilience, and resolve to overcome. You must and have to believe in your achieved self-image and self-worth. Don't allow another person to dictate how you should feel about yourself. No one! Not ever! You are a survivor, and that makes you a fighter. I know that a breakup is “gut-wrenching” painful. But I truly believe that if you had engaged in deeper conversations, his “baggage” would have eventually been exposed.