Finding It Hard to Be in Public

I'm finding it hard to be in public.... it's like I'm paranoid over one thing or another. If it isn't about how I smell, it's about the sounds my ostomy makes or just the fear of being bumped by accident. I know it's in my head at times, but I don't know what to think.

Had my colostomy 3 years.

Have a mild "paranormal" hernia and a stubby bit o' prolapse.

As a result... my colostomy is very pronounced under my shirt.

I'm a skinny dude. The "lump" used to annoy me very much.

I would always point it out when talking to anyone. Point at it and whisper... "colostomy!" And ya know... everyone said, "Oh, didn't notice."

So I stopped stressing about it and ignore the ignoble little beast.

I'm much happier.

As for noises... no one cares. Because everyone, at one time or another... emits "noises."

I've bumped and thumped my living cherry bomb. It's pretty tough. Bleeds a little, then returns to poop extrusion duty.

My main point: Don't take it all so seriously. An ostomy has saved or improved all of our lives.

Like Spock said, "Live long and prosper."

Start small and work your way up. Go somewhere local, even if just to the store or for a walk, just to start building your trust in your bag and your own confidence. It might help if family or a friend is with you at first, but from my own experience, that can create problems in itself. You get used to someone being with you and develop a fear of going out by yourself. I've been bumped into more times than I can remember by my nieces jumping on me and running into me; it never caused my stoma any problems.

15 years later, I still have the same fears. Not as bad as before and not as frequent since I have better control now, but a lot of times I have the same fears.

It's totally normal to feel this way. Everyone goes through that stage, and most eventually get past it.

Ben is right about starting small. Try taking a drive but not leaving your car. Then run into the pharmacy to pick up your prescription, but don't use the drive-thru. Keep increasing the challenge until you have returned to normal activity for you. Bring a complete bag change and a change of clothes with you. It will help to know you can deal with a problem should it arise.

Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister

Yo Footlong,

As Susan said, what you're experiencing is completely natural, and we've all gone through it to some extent or another. We could all tell you not to worry about it and that no one really cares to the extent you think they do, but you're really going to have to find that out firsthand at your own pace. At some point in the near future, you'll look back and wonder why you worried so much over nothing. Just like worrying about that first day of school when you were a little tyke or about that first day of high school when you were older, what you're worried about now will be just like those things—things you'll ask yourself why you worried so much.

Experience is really the best teacher, and it's going to take time for you to build your confidence. But before too long, you'll figure it out, and there won't be much stress at all. Next time you're out in public, look around and reverse the scenario. If you saw someone who had an "oops," would you really care? Are you going to follow the guy around and make fun of him? Nope, you'll notice it and then go on with your day. You really won't care, and neither do the folks who see you have an accident or make a noise. The world just really isn't that interested in you, or me, or any one of us. It's all in your head.

I once changed my bag one morning and then got in my car and went to McDonald's for breakfast. I went in, ordered, waited, got my food, and went back to my car. When I went to open my car door, I looked down and saw a line of liquid running from under my shirt, down my pants, over my sneaker, and making a puddle on the ground. It took me a second to figure it out, but I forgot to close the new bag I just installed a half hour prior. But the kicker is that not one person in McDonald's said a word. No one made a weird face, pointed, or even whispered a thing. No one cared. Shit happens. Literally. I've been in very small conference rooms where it was dead quiet, and my stoma started talking. I just rolled my eyes and said I wish I had eaten something for breakfast. And then the meeting continued. Again, no one really cares. I think you're seeing my point. Don't sweat it; just take it slow, and you'll be fine. Well, as fine as an ostomate can be.

;O)

Hubz is only nine weeks with a colostomy, and we take it day by day.

Just to comment on smell, I can say sincerely that there is none, especially compared to pre-ostomy days! We've been married since 1989, and this man could 'destroy' a bathroom!

Now he's all deodorized, and I realize the only one destroying a bathroom is ME!

Apparently, modern pouch material contains no smell, and even his gas is filtered, so when there's any smell around here, I now have to blame it on the dog!🐶

Been there, done that. Took me months to leave my house when I first got my colostomy, other than for doctors' appointments. Finally starting venturing out for a few hours at a time, but always staying relatively close to home. After 14 months, I took a 3-day road trip to Las Vegas, had no trouble with my colostomy, and didn't worry about it at all. Just made sure that I had my emergency supplies with me. Take it at your own pace and start with small steps until your confidence grows. Best wishes to you.

You're a very good wife GoinWithTheFlow,

And I know your hubz knows that.

Regards, IGGIE

G-Day footlonghawk39,

Most of the people I know don't even know I have an ileostomy; you are your own worst enemy.

Get out and start living, and don't give a f*** what others think. Life is too short to worry.

Regards, IGGIE 🦘

Yeah, I've been told by coworkers whom I've told about my colostomy that I don't smell, but I swear I smell it always. Does that ever go away, or am I just being paranoid? Probably am. 😅 I don't know; I try to keep my distance most days, and I try to keep most interactions short and to the point.

My wife notices odors. She has never complained about my colostomy.

Now... if I burp a little gas out of the bag.... Boom!! She utters cuss words that haven't even been invented yet.

If you keep thinking it smells, your mind will make it smell. Just believe your workmates when they say they can't smell it.

IGGIE

It doesn't smell or come off easily. The mind is a funny thing; it has a mind of its own! These fears exist there, not in reality. The best state to be in is to act as if it isn't there. That's possible. You have to take a long absence up in the mountains to achieve that state of mind. It's called Nirvana in Hindu mythology. The rarefied air will help.

Ty, my ex used to tell me the same thing all the time, that it was just in my head, and if I kept thinking it, I'd smell it. It's reassuring knowing that it's more than likely just in my head. Lol, you've been a great help, good sir.

I'll try to meditate more to clear my mind. 😌 I've never thought to do that for these thoughts. I honestly appreciate the suggestion.

🤣

Wow, this really helps... this comment, along with the others, is helping me realize that I need to regain my confidence. I've just been so scared of offending people that I've forgotten that everyone else is dealing with their own shit and doesn't care 😅 and I love talking shit to my Stomie... that's what I call it 😆... it actually makes me laugh to myself.

When I was young and dating, if my ileostomy made noise, I would just say, “That is my stomach thanking me for the food we just ate.” Do not worry about smell. It's in your head, not your nose!

What a good idea, Susan. We've had a change of supplies, chux, etc. in the car since my husband's surgery. But I never thought of the shirt. Good advice.

Recently, I was in a doctor's office waiting room, just myself and a gentleman sitting about five feet away when the 'ole stoma started squawking away, running liquid. I'm seven months out from ileostomy surgery. I smiled to myself, observing my desire to say something so the stranger on his phone would not think that I was passing gas and that I was ignoring social norms. Another opportunity to build resilience for the shit show that statistically is likely to happen in the future.

Later, I remembered that one of the contributing reasons for having surgery was my inability to pass gas naturally due to pelvic floor issues. Irony....

w30bob... glad to see you posting. I have found your past in-depth responses helpful in my ongoing education. Grateful for the regular posters with years of experience. This forum has become my go-to for the most trusted advice.