Newbie Ostomate Finds Humor in Life's Challenges

Hi, I'm Mike and have had my colostomy for 6 months now. I have a habit of making the best out of a bad situation with a little humor. I thought I would share some things I have figured out and that have happened to me since I became an ostomate.

I'll explain my forum name first. I ride an old Harley Tour Glide which is known as a full dresser or in biker slang, a bagger. My vanity plates for it are BAGR. Now I am one. All I need to do is paint it brown...not

I wear a 2-piece drainable pouch. I think now I know where the terms "taking a dump" and "pinching a loaf" came from.

I have learned it's not about getting poop on you, it's about how much poop you get on you.

I was joking around at work and the Tool Pusher said, "You are an asshole." I told him technically he couldn't call me that since I don't have one anymore. I also told him I would have to look at the rule book to see if I could hang out with an asshole like him.

I was talking with the Company Rep., whose mother-in-law is an ostomate. I might have been pulling his leg a little or leading him on. Out of the blue, he looked at me and said, "You need to go dump your bag because you are full of shit." I almost fell over laughing so hard.

So, has anyone else found humor in their life as an ostomate? I think that laughter has some healing properties.
Sorry for the long post, Mike

This is awesome.

Actually, you don't need an asshole to be an asshole. It's like a perk...


Nice!

Oh, and that was not a long post. And I'll be a year this coming February.

Hi Bagr, what a great sense of humor! By the way, are you from Urinal, Utah? Ha ha, Ron in Mich.

Hi BagR (sorry, Mike!)  and welcome to the madhouse - humour definitely helps!
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Rach xxx

Yes, I'm from Urinal/Vernerial UT. I've been there since 1980. It was nice living there during my radiation/chemo as they run a free van back and forth to Salt Lake City every day. On the lighter side again.

When I went in to talk to the surgeon, he told me in a serious tone, "If you wake up and the bag is on your right side, it is temporary. If you wake up and it is on your left side, get used to it as it is permanent." I told him I really didn't give a sh!t as long as I woke up. This even made him laugh. Even though that remark probably helped him in his decision to do a permanent colostomy. He figured with my job, my quality of life would be better this way. He said otherwise, it might have been accidents and Depends. When it comes down to Depends vs. a bag, I would have picked the bag also.

As I was told on another forum: Better a plastic bag than a pine box.

Thanks, Mike

How to Adjust to Life with an Ostomy with Bruce | Hollister

Yes. I came up with "I had a choice: live with cancer, or live."

Before I went out for surgery at work, the big boss was asking me about my surgery. I gave him some details and concluded with "a permanent ostomy."

Boss: That's a pain in the ass.

Me: Not anymore!

He missed it.

Great sense of humor. I had a colostomy 2 years ago and like you said better a bag than a pine box. Thanks for making me laugh, there are days when I could cry but people like you make life worth living.

Haha Mike! I actually laughed aloud (at work) whilst reading this thread. That was a great post; your humor and lightheartedness obviously serve you well, and I suspect these attributes to be contagious.

After my husband had his colon removed two years ago, it was love and humor that got us through, without question. It's SO important to be able to laugh at yourself, whether you are an ostomate, or a more "conventional pooper", as I am.

Anyway, thanks for the awesome post, and hope to see you around the forums more often!
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Hi bagr

I can beat that! My stoma is lower abdomen left hand side. A mate of mine once commented - "God if you were gay, you'ld be real handy!" Big Trev  N.Ireland

Hi Mike,

I had my ileostomy operation in 1997 and had no clue what this darn thing was hanging off my stomach. Since I was still very much under the effects of the anesthesia, my best friend and her future husband were right there waiting for me to open my eyes. Seeing as they keep hospitals rather warm and it was February, I was feeling rather hot. Upon opening my eyes and checking out my new friend, I turned to Daryl and asked in a very serious tone, "What do you guys do when your bag gets sweaty? Because mine is really sweaty and I'm new to this sort of thing."

Needless to say, after they both stopped laughing, they realized I was going to be just fine!

Sharry

LOL Bagr, I have said this one a few times to people who say I'm an asshole or if they tell me I'm full of shit. I feel my bag and reply, "Nah, not just yet...." =)


I was joking around at work and the Tool Pusher said, "You are an @sshole." I told him technically he couldn't call me that since I don't have one anymore. I also told him I would have to look at the rule book to see if I could hang out with an @sshole like him.

You're a keeper, bagr
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!  I needed a laugh this morning and got it!

All the best to you and I look forward to 'reading you' in the New Year.

Cheers,
Beatrice

I almost forgot this one. I had a friend ask me how I was handling my Ostomy. I told him OK, now I can go to prison and not worry about dropping the soap. Not that I have ever been in prison or plan to go but you have to find the positive in any negative. He was laughing and asked me how I came up with that. I told him I was watching some prison show on TV and it just hit me.