My recent post on Facebook:
Many people have asked me about sex since I received my ileostomy. While I think it's kind of funny, it seems fair that people are curious. So here I am to answer.
Having sex with a bag is the same as having sex without one. Men and women with a bag can perform exactly like anyone else. It's similar to having sex with a cast on. It might get in the way a bit, but it's not something that should eliminate sex. If you wouldn't have sex with someone with a cast, you're an asshole. I figure it's about the same for someone with a bag.
A thin woman recently said to me, "Oh my God. I can't imagine how self-conscious you must be. I mean, I've gained weight, and I don't want to have sex." That got me to thinking. I've never been skinny at any point in my life. I have never been in a situation where I thought to myself, "I'm going to wow her with my stomach!" My stomach has never been, nor will it ever be, a girl-getter. Whose stomach really is though, unless you're The Situation...? My point is, everybody has insecurities with their bodies, and this is just another.
My mother will probably be mad at me for writing this, but I want to answer the questions. If we don't talk about it, how will we ever know?
This is good. People are too shallow and concerned with image nowadays. Women by the 1950's standards would be considered fat today. It's a shame when people are chastised for not being what everyone wants them to be.
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Hi Mike and all. I am not sure how panoramic my perspective really is as my peripheral vision shrinks with each passing year. I can tell you that when I came to this website six years ago I was truly ;impressed by the positive attitudes of so many members, especially the younger folks who refused to let their ostomies define who they were or what they would become. I also came to appreciate that having an ostomy is not the same thing as having a disease. Pardon ;my pun now, but ostomies and cancer don't belong in the same bag. One is a solution, the other is a problem. Celebrating National Ostomy Day ;is also well outside my comfort zone. That's like celebrating National Wheel Chair Day. Come on!
I think there is a ;need for improved ;public awareness of ostomies, but I am not sure how that's best done. There ;remains ;some social stigma attached to our situation, and it's acutely felt among our young. We need to get out of the dark ages on this issue, but not by going 'in your face' to everyone else. I think Bill and NDY are 'spot-on' when it comes to telegraphing the right message to friends and family. People will know how to react when they ;see ;how we accept the cards we were dealt. I also appreciate the contribution some people here are making to this effort through their publications.
On a personal note, my son has been suffering from ulcerative colitis for years just like I did. I am very concerned because people with UC are at a higher risk for colon cancer. Years ago my GI told me to get annual colonoscopies to be on the safe side. I am glad I did because he eventually found pre-cancerous cells which led to several surgeries and my becoming an ostomate. Since then I have always ;conveyed a positive attitude to ;my son about wearing a bag because it has kept me alive to enjoy many more years with my loved ones. I think he got the message. We both go to the same gastroenterologist in NYC and get scoped on the same day. Father and Son moments!
Someone once wrote that our children are the letters we write to the future.
PB
Looking forward to my first time since my urostomy. My surgery's still very new, so it'll be a while, but I'm very fortunate...my hubster's totally cool with it.
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Good luck! A few adjustments here and there, and you'll be good to go. :)
Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
That makes sense. I think with this, and most issues we face, it is best to remove yourself from the situation and see it objectively. If you were some random girl, would you think differently of her? If you saw that other girl (not yourself) in your relationship or job, what would you think? Doing this always helps me to see things more clearly and with perspective. I am not dating right now, but haven't had any trouble because if I don't make a big deal out of it, nobody else does either.
Before I got the bag, my biggest issue with my body was my stretch marks from my twins. I'd be lying if I said the bag doesn't affect my self-image. But hey, it covers the stretch marks perfectly! It's really about keeping your sense of humor! If you can laugh it off - it's all good!
Besides, if sex with a bag is disgusting, you are making love, or 'having sex' the wrong way, anyhow! Heh, heh
Making love may be a little different, but with a husband who really loves you, there is no problem. It is just as satisfying. Accept yourself as you are; others will too. Even had an "accident" once. The world did not come to an end; we just took a bath and both laughed about it. The next day was perfect.
I just had my colostomy about 5 weeks ago. So I am still too sore to have sex. And I do wonder if having this poop pouch is going to turn my husband off. I think most of it is probably in my head. He always reminds me that he loves me, and seems eager to get back to being intimate with me.
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I thought it was going to be really difficult, but it's not. I had to get past the part of "this is me, this is the way I am." If a man or a woman truly loves the other, then it is something you get past... I can't believe I'm saying this now.... because when I first had my ileostomy surgery, I thought, "Who would ever accept me this way?" I like that there are mini pouches that make things a lot better also.