New Bag Prescribed for Stoma Woes

Day 13 Post Operative.

13, unlucky for some ... you can say that again. The stoma nurse was due to visit today and said she would ring me to let me know when she was on her way. She didn't. So .... the spouse came charging into my recuperation room at 8.45 am this morning in his underpants (which is enough to give anyone a relapse), bellowing that the stoma nurse was at the door - bloody great. I was so hacked off I thought, sod it, she can put up with me in my PJs, slippers and dressing gown, Ken Dodd hair, face like a blistered piss pot, drain breath, slimy teeth, furry tongue, full bag, the works.

Having stamped down the stairs, full of pain and soreness (not having had chance to take any painkillers) and let her in, she asked how I was and I gave her an earful of woe, bad temper, self-pity and general peevishness which, bless her, she took in very good part. We then went upstairs for a fragrant encounter in the bathroom so she could check my just-about-to-explode bag and its gallon of stinking oomska. I tell you, I should collect and sell that muck to the government to use in their water cannon next time there's a riot - the stench alone would fell the average looter at fifty paces. There was much tutting and concern when she saw the state of the inflammation and bleeding around the stoma, the sloppiness of its output and the fact that every bag I had put on the previous day had leaked.

A new bag was duly prescribed, still an all-in-one job, but called a 'dimple' bag because my stoma is dimpled. It would be, wouldn't it? Don't give me pretty dimples in my cheeks when I smile, will you, fate? Just give me a dimpled stoma instead - cheers for that. My barrier film was also changed from the little dabby square things to a can of heavy-duty spray, and for extra security there's an odd, stretchy thing like a giant polo mint which you stick across the bag's hole and then mould with your fingers like modelling clay to fit the shape. It was rather like finding myself in a slightly perverse episode of Blue Peter, minus Shep the dog and John Noakes.

Anyway, the upshot of all this palaver is that I've had a leak-free day - hurrah! The Imodium dose has also been drastically upped on nurse's advice, so I'm now taking eight a day, splitting the capsules into yogurt. As soon as things start to firm up, the risks of leaks are hugely reduced and the soreness will clear up so I've snapped out of self-pity mode and am now doing the best I can to improve my chances of getting back to a relative normality. I'm eating lots of 'firm up' foods, white bread, rice, pasta, noodles, marshmallows, jelly babies, pots of jelly etc., very boring but I'll do and eat anything to get the result I want.

I know I'm lucky that this is only temporary and I also know I'm very fortunate to be out of hospital relatively early after the op. My Mum and sister, who are both into all that astrology stuff tell me I'm a 'typical Aries', i.e. impatient, easily frustrated and wanting everything to happen NOW, trying to run before I can walk etc. etc...... actually they could have a point there. I know one thing though - when and if it should happen that one day this is all over, I will never, ever take going to the loo for granted again as long as I live! There was never a truer saying than the one about not knowing what you've got until it's gone.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd better go and phone my agent and cancel all my bikini and lingerie shoots for the foreseeable future. I was getting proper fed up of all that island-hopping round the Caribbean anyway - give me Skegness, a decent cup of tea and a pickled egg any day of the week.

Hi Eggy and Chips, I enjoyed your blog so much. Your humor and thoughts about the stoma life are exactly how my thoughts used to be, and typical of the stoma nurse to turn up like she did. Still, seeing you as you were was a good idea really, and put her in the right frame of mind to get you out of the sh***t. Forgive the expression, like lol... but it got you on the right road to having a leak-free day. Well done, you and the nurse. Here's hoping what the nurse has given you to try will continue to keep things dry. Chin up, girl, you're doing okay. Take care, Ambies...

Hi, just had to let you know that you really cheered up my day. It is nearly my first anniversary, but I know mine is permanent so it's different. Not worse, just different. Just one word of warning as you sound very similar to me, and that is do not lift anything heavy or do anything too energetic, as I did and it left me with a huge hernia. It's my own fault, but it is the one thing that frustrates me to this day. Some days, it gets the better of me and just before Christmas I decided to rip out a kitchen cupboard and fit a dishwasher, now Herbert (the hernia) has grown even bigger. It is totally my own fault and I am now paying the price, but I would hate you to have to go through this so just thought a bit of advice might help. Other than that, keep up with the blog and keep us all entertained, you are doing a very good job.

Egg and chips - I tell you, we must have been twins in a previous life.... I enjoy your uncanny, spot-on dry wit so much, and your outlook on stoma life is so relatable.... Things are so challenging in the beginning and there is so much that nobody tells you! I remember leaving the hospital and thinking, now what? I'm sporting a fresh, pink, virtual crapping machine on my abdomen... and most of the hospital personnel acted like I have the plague or worse! The vibe I got from the nurses was Ewwww.... do I have to touch it? The bag, that is.... With that said, I am really glad that you have a stoma nurse. I didn't, so hubby and I had to wing it for the most part..... Luckily I found this site after about 6 months and discovered that we had figured out a lot of stuff and that we still had a lot to learn from others, too. The most valuable lesson I have taken from this site is the lesson of living life to its fullest after an ostomy. That line looks good on paper but it's not as easy as it sounds. I had to realize that not only did Old Faithful save my life; it would also be a catalyst for the way I lived my life from here on out. And yes, I know what you mean about never taking the loo for granted again.... I tell my hubby every day that when he goes upstairs for his 30-minute Angry Birds session on his phone (his favorite loo pass time ;)), he should thank the good Lord for a normal BM! I am having an ileo reversal on the 18th, so the loo and I will be getting re-acquainted very intimately very soon. As I understand it, I could go up to 15 times per day until the rectum and small intestine re-train and the rectum learns to hold more stool and the small intestine learns to absorb more water. Let's hope that they remember sooner than later! Even after the reversal; I'm afraid that my bikini and lingerie shoots will be canceled... However, if anyone needs a tummy they can draw road maps on (using the scar-to-scar system) or a model who can rock Depends, let me know! ;) You're in my thoughts and prayers! Darla

Simply said... YOU CRACK ME UP!!! Loving it and YOU, my friend... Steady as she blows... LOL, BEG

Awesome bag and drag, you rock! Tomorrow is my clear liquid day, keep me humored!

Beaner - So it's clear liquids all day tomorrow; then NPO at midnight? What about pre-op enemas and such? Are you having to do those or take any laxatives or anything? I don't know how they will work the clean out process with me since I have no large intestine....and they haven't addressed the subject yet. I did pass my pre-op stuff and they were supposed to precert with insurance today. Did they give you an estimated timeframe for being in the hospital? I was told a good week. I dread the hospital worst of all....even more than the actual surgery. I've been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. How is your daughter doing? Darla

I was told clear liquids after noon. Nothing else. I asked if they would do anything the morning of surgery and they said no. I am guessing they may do a stoma enema, possibly after they put me under. I don't dread the hospital part. I am in a top-notch hospital, and hopefully it will start with soft food, then eggs and things that will pass easily. I was told 5 days if they can do it laparoscopically. We will be in Philly tomorrow night, they will call us and tell us what time to come to the hospital on Thursday morning. I am not nervous at all about this. Maybe because when I had the colostomy it was an emergency and I ended up in the hospital for more than 6 weeks. I took a hot bath tonight and had a glass of wine... I am ready....thank you for asking, my daughter had her staples taken out today and a new cast put on. It is lighter and she feels better every day. Thank you, Darla, I will keep in touch and let me know how things go for you. I will have my iPad at the hospital and let you know how everything goes.

Wonderful :) Sounds like you are mentally and physically prepared. I plan to take a hot bath next Tuesday night and have my glass of relaxer on Monday evening before the clear liquid rule. Don't want a wine blowout like I described in my Night 'Fore Reversal poem! ;) I hope they can do mine laparoscopically; I guess that's something they really don't know for sure until they get in there and see how much scar tissue is there....my doc says right now the odds are 50/50. Glad your daughter is doing better. :) I'll be thinking about you over the next few days and praying for you, your surgeon, and your family. Keep that iPad handy...I'll have mine, too, next week. What WOULD we do without our technology? God bless :) Darla

Hi Eggs, I really enjoyed your blog. You have a great sense of humor. Humor always helps to get through tough times. I think things are going to get better for you. You seem like you have a good attitude. Donna

That's put a smile on my face. LOL

Oh, you really know what we've all been through, Eggandchips!! Well done! We've all experienced similar situations but perhaps haven't always seen the funny side of it. So thanks for making us see the humorous side of our lives! If we didn't laugh, we'd probably be crying. Keep up that positive outlook.....you'll soon be away on that wonderful holiday without a care in the world! Take care, Colm

Thanks so much for my smile of the day. Hope your reversal goes well, my ileostomy is here forever but I love your humor. Kinder

Sometimes life is so ludicrous that you have to look at the humor in it to get you through. You are obviously a gal with intestinal fortitude! Your attitude is uplifting to all of us! Laughter is contagious, and you made someone hoot and holler here in Texas!

Love the honesty - we all get it here!!!!!!

Thank you. This is my first time on an ostomy site and this type of humor mixed with reality is refreshing. 1 year into it and finally ready to face my new appendage!

Thanks everyone for all the lovely comments.