Navigating Ostomies and Surgeries with a Partner

Replies
68
Views
4214
CrappyColon
Apr 15, 2023 4:45 pm

Curious how others in past/present relationships have navigated these surgeries and ostomies with a partner. I have a feeling experiences will be across the board and hopefully some whose experiences haven't been the best up to this point can find encouragement/support in others' stories.

tmn68
Apr 15, 2023 5:18 pm

I was married for 35 years. I got emergency surgery. 4 years later, I'm divorced.

So he didn't handle it well.

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 34,014 members. Get inside and you will see.

It's not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed.

Many come here for advice or to give advice 🗣, others have found good friends 🤗, and there are also those who have found love 💓. Most of all, people are honest and truly care.

Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.

Create an account and you will be amazed.

CrappyColon
Apr 15, 2023 5:22 pm
Reply to tmn68

I'm sorry to hear that! How are you doing now?

Happytostillbehere
Apr 15, 2023 5:48 pm

My wife passed away 8 years ago, so I have no complaints on that end!

Wildflower 81
Apr 15, 2023 5:50 pm

Mine has been absolutely amazing, between helping me shower when I was too weak, to handing me tissue while I was first learning to clean out my ostomy bag, trying to sleep on or by the couch with me, doing all the grocery shopping, but most of all being patient and not pushing me to do things I don't feel I'm ready for, encouraging comments like "I know it hurts, but you're doing a good job" when I was in the hospital this last time for my reversal, even just trying to help me maintain a sense of humor...one time he came into the bathroom while I was doing an appliance change and joked "my baby's got a belly butthole"

 
Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Happytostillbehere
Apr 15, 2023 6:02 pm

Let me clarify that statement I made above, my wife had a hell of a sense of humor and she really would have got a kick out of that statement. Married for 45 years, 45 good years.

Wildflower 81
Apr 15, 2023 6:04 pm
Reply to tmn68

So sorry.....

CrappyColon
Apr 15, 2023 6:29 pm
Reply to Happytostillbehere

Without knowing you, I had no idea how to respond to your first statement. I'm glad you had what sounds like a really good 45 years together, and also sorry for your loss.

Ben38
Apr 15, 2023 6:47 pm

I had my ileo when I was 19. I had a partner at the time. No problems, she didn't mind. And being honest, as in a lot of relationships, it was me who had the problem with it, pushing everyone away from me. Maybe it was down to my age, being young and immature, or just down to having to learn to live and accept it myself... After that, I had one-night stands where there wasn't time to tell them I had a bag, friends with benefits, had a few of them. Then when I grew up and acted more like an adult in relationships, my bag's never been a problem in any of them. It even seemed to turn some on more... Always remember, when relationships break up, there are three stories: why it happened, yours/theirs, and the truth.

arlencohen212
Apr 15, 2023 7:38 pm
Reply to Happytostillbehere

Hi Wildflower, you have a winner and that's the only way to be. You found your soulmate and I wish you a long happy life together making new exciting memories learning new things in new places. Enjoy your journey pain-free. Best, Arlen

thebertonlagden
Apr 15, 2023 7:42 pm

I am a new ostomate (only 2 weeks post ileostomy), my husband has been super supportive through the entire journey, from the gradual and then more rapid deterioration of my health over the last 4 years, to preparing for the surgery and during my recovery.

It is his encouragement, patience, and wanting to understand so he can help that has kept me going. Our children have also been fab and now ask how 'Stanley' (my stoma) is at regular times.

Although it has only been a couple of weeks, my quality of life has already improved exponentially. I have been very lucky!

AlexT
Apr 15, 2023 7:56 pm
Reply to Happytostillbehere

I didn't feel comfortable posting the smiley face until you explained. That's funny.

Happytostillbehere
Apr 15, 2023 8:22 pm
Reply to CrappyColon

Glad I did the follow-up!

CrappyColon
Apr 15, 2023 8:31 pm
Reply to Happytostillbehere

I think we all are.

You had me laughing for real.

I'm going to go back and like your original comment since your wife would've found it hilarious, and if people wonder why I liked it, they can scroll down.

TerryLT
Apr 15, 2023 11:11 pm

I have to be totally honest here. My husband is not the greatest 'nurse', and never has been. He won't hesitate to help me out with things, but I usually have to ask. He just doesn't think. As far as my ostomy, he could not have been more supportive and has never made me feel I'm any less of a person, or woman, than I was. I talk with him about everything ostomy related and have even shared ostomy humor with him. When it came to dealing with my recovery from my various surgeries, he was fine, but again, I often need to ask for help, or point out that I wasn't really able to do certain things yet. He's a good guy and I know he loves me, he's just a bit 'thick' at times! Not trading him in anytime soon, and it will be 38 years this July.

Terry

IGGIE
Apr 15, 2023 11:27 pm
Reply to TerryLT

I hope he doesn't read this, things could change.

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 12:30 am
Reply to TerryLT

Thanks for your honesty, Terry. I'm incapable of sugarcoating, so my response when I'm able to organize my ADHD thoughts, well, it won't be sugar-coated either :)

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 2:54 am
Reply to thebertonlagden

Your Stanley was 'born' the same day as my friend's baby girl. How did you pick the name? That's great you are seeing an improved quality of life already! Are your kids still at home? I noticed you have hEDS and fibromyalgia. I have the hypermobility - I didn't know a lot of the things I do aren't "normal" until last year. I was also told fibro, but for me, I don't know if that was accurate with everything else I had going on.

Axl
Apr 16, 2023 3:07 am

Never had any issues here, been 36 or so years with my partner, not married. I've had plenty of life-changing medical issues that haven't caused any difficulties, but I'm such a great catch no one could possibly abandon me .... Err except my first wife when I was very young. But it all works out for us, I've just spent 3 months caring for her after she had some rods and screws inserted into her back.

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 5:40 am
Reply to Axl

You just spent months caring for your first wife after her surgery? If I read that right, that's pretty amazing.

Axl
Apr 16, 2023 5:57 am
Reply to CrappyColon

No, no, no. The partner, wife was almost forty years ago, don't want to go there!!!

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 6:04 am
Reply to Axl

Oh, hahaha. I could go back and delete my misunderstanding, but I'm gonna leave it. My bad!

thebertonlagden
Apr 16, 2023 8:22 am
Reply to CrappyColon

Yes, 3 out of my 4 children still live at home, and our youngest is nearly 12.

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 11:21 am
Reply to thebertonlagden

You have a full house! Love that the kids are asking about Stanley.

Killshot_24523
Apr 16, 2023 11:50 am

My wife and I are coming up on our 50th anniversary. We were only 19 when we got married. I was kind of an ass until I grew up, but she stuck it out. She has been the best support a person could ask for. I am a lucky guy.

Wildflower 81
Apr 16, 2023 12:32 pm
Reply to thebertonlagden

While I was in the hospital post-op following my emergency colostomy surgery, my husband would put his earbuds in and watch videos on his phone. Turns out some of the videos he was watching were ostomy care and reversal related....

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 1:12 pm
Reply to Killshot_24523

About how old were you when you grew up?

CrappyColon
Apr 16, 2023 1:16 pm
Reply to Axl

Gonna watch the show I recommended from Netflix?

Killshot_24523
Apr 16, 2023 1:58 pm
Reply to CrappyColon

I'm almost there now...

Delsol93
Apr 16, 2023 2:11 pm

My wife was amazing and very supportive! Her family is very open with poop talk even before I had my emergency surgery, so she and the family made me feel very comfortable with what happened. She would say that I have a "looking at ass" not functioning. Good question!