Morning Dimwit... Sticky Fingers

After 2 years of stomal bliss... a new experience.
Awoke really early. Warm, snug, and content. Uninterested in exiting my cozy cocoon, I instinctively reached for the bag to evaluate its status. Damn! Swollen like a ripe football. I thought, lots of gas. Without looking, I grabbed the flange, cracked it open a bit. Pressed on the bag to release... let's just say... it wasn't gas. Hooolyyyy Patooooey. Sticky fingers were a dead giveaway. I had released... a shit bomb. 😵
I've never had a leak... so had nothing close at hand for cleanup. With Mrs B remaining comatose, I twisted out of bed like an emerging grub. Stumbling out without using my... stained hands. Bathroom inspection revealed the carnage. Drying poop sludge everywhere. And the bag... Ominous... Foreboding. Like a petulant thundercloud ready to blow. Holding back the cloudburst; a lone IGGIE clip, handles flipped out. Resembling a stubby finger, stuck in a leaky dike.
Then... thunder. My stoma, Cherry Bomb, began rumbling. Long gaseous reverberations, rippling in waves dancing across the bag's surface.

Fortunately, my trusty 4-inch-wide Nu-Hope belt (covered in poop too) secured the bag flange. What... a... mess! I was able to drain the bag a bit. Remove it and the flange. Took a shower, keeping a close eye on Cherry Bomb. Got all nice and clean. Prepared to prep a new flange. As I got busy cutting the flange hole. Cherry Bomb suddenly spouted a long gusher of soft poop. Went everywhere. Happened so quickly, I couldn't grab a paper towel in time.
Evil thoughts occupied my noggin.

This major leak happened because I was too lazy to get out of bed and inspect the bag. I got way more than I bargained for when burping it in bed.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Gotta be tough, to be an Ostomate.

Hello Beachboy.
I was going to write that I was sorry to hear about your bag episode but 'sorry' is not the term to fit what I really felt.
I certainly empathised and sympathised with your situation but mostly I was pleased and grateful that you shared the story so eloquently with us.
Because I have developed a very successful routine over the years I have tended to become overly complacent, which has resulted in there having been several incidents for me reflecting this sort of thing. 
Also, I have been taking a break from rhyme writing because of other life-pressures. However, your post has triggered the urge to write a rhyme about the dangers of complacency for ostomates, so it's not all bad.
Thanks for that!
Best wishes

Bill

Shit happens. 🤷‍♂️

Hi Beacher,

  That sucks!  Nothing gets your attention like checking your bag and finding a shit balloon ready to burst!  Your first thought is 'is my barrier holding' and your second thought is 'it's holding, but has it started leaking under the barrier'.  I feel for ya, Bro.  As bad as being short-gutted is.........there is a slightly silver lining in that I know the exact status of my bowels at any given time.  Since things process so quickly I know how long to wait before going to bed or doing something where I won't be able to empty, so I tend to forget that you guys with more guts don't really know when you'll have output.  And that must suck a bit.  I also rarely have any gas, as my bowel contents aren't in there long enough to ferment, so I also forget about that aspect of it too.  Seems every ostomate has a different set of problems to deal with.........but you're right......you gotta have a thick skin and sound mind to be an ostomate for any length of time! 

;O)

A really gross sense of humor is a great help, and someone to tell those gross jokes to. Love this site!

How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Ah yes, burping the pouch mishaps! After getting gas and shopping at Costco, I returned to the car with major intestinal gas. Pouch? Can you say balloon? No problem, I'll just burp the pouch in the car. Wearing jeggings (leggings that look like jeans) and a couple of pullover tops, I was cute! So, I wrestle everything out of the way, pop the little clip, and WHOOSH! NOT AIR! Poop! Liquid poop! OMG! What to do, what to do? Fortunately, there were plenty of tissues/napkins handy in the glovebox. I grabbed a disposal bag from my purse. It's been a long time since I drove home so fast!

This was some time in year 7, or 8. Now, 10 years in, I'm able to determine before opening the pouch for a burp whether or not it's safe.

I did have a funny thing happen a couple of months ago. I went into the bathroom for a tissue for my nose and lifted my shirt to check the pouch out of habit. I felt this weird sensation that felt like pebbles falling on my foot. Sometimes my output looks exactly like Milk Duds, and when I looked down, there was a pile of Milk Duds just neatly laying on my foot and slipper! Somehow, I'd not secured the click ring but had clicked it shut and went about my business. Usually, I tug on the pouch to be sure it's attached all around. Fortunately, cleanup was brief and easy, and I had to laugh out loud at how silly it looked. Much less mess and trouble than the time I was prepping for my first post-op colonoscopy and decided I didn't need the irrigation sleeve (hadn't seen it, didn't know what it was, didn't order it). Pajamas, slippers, bathmat, and floor all fell victim to a sudden gush I could not contain. There was no laughter that day for sure, but I've learned to take it all in stride, as has been said often, “shit happens.” Someone once told me that one day I'd forget I have an ostomy, hmm, not yet!

A month post op....I did the exact same thing.  Didn't fully click the bag and wafer flange together at the bottom.  An hour later:  Why are my feet wet?

Now I use a handheld mirror to check the flange bottom.  It's only funny when you muse about it later.

2 years? Impressive. I put myself through multiple shit bombs the first 2 months and had 2 in the last week. Unfortunately, I'm a pro at rapid laundry, mopping, and damage control while cussing and yelling the whole time. Good time for me to blast Lamb of God and headbang throughout.

I can relate to this. A couple of months back, I was on a new cancer treatment. I had some carbonated drinks, and the next thing I knew, I woke up to the bomb. It happened twice in two hotels on separate occasions and once at home. I had never had the problem before, but through elimination, I realized it was the carbonated drinks, and the cancer treatment medicine made the smell oh so bad. So, I can relate. Thank God I'm off that medicine now. Everything's back to normal, and I stay away from carbonated drinks. It seems to eliminate the problem for me. Good luck! I hope you have similar success, but I know what it's like to wake up every night feeling. Make sure that damn thing doesn't blow, lol.

Every once in a while, I have to have a Perrier or Diet Coke. Before I drink, I make sure my bag is empty and wear a heavy-duty support belt. I use Hollister bags with a filter. Carbonation balloons the bag, but the filter must work at higher air pressure. The bag size remains constant, as more gas is released by my stoma. Knowing this... I'm lazy sometimes and have laid in bed with a fully inflated bag (all gas, little poop).

I've learned the hard way that I should only burp my bag when standing; not lying down and not sitting.  I am single and unfortunately have no one to share my bed with.  Getting back to the subject I lay a gym-type white towel on the bed in case "anything" happens at night.  This may not only prevent needing to change the sheets at night, but also protects the mattress.

2 years without a blowout? That's truly impressive! This very morning I had an... incident myself. Woke up and walked to the loo, was just about to pull down my pants when the whole (very full) dang bag popped off, straight down my left pant leg! Took me a moment to even process, let alone figure out what to do about it. 

Oh, the adventure. 

I always check my bag when I am awake in bed. Hollister bags used to leak about twice a year. Once I went back to sleep and, déjà vu - squirt! Switched to Convatec and no more leaks. Their wafer is stickier and stronger. Bags are harder to belch. Avoid drinking before bedtime. Gas and liquid fill it fast. I now eat three marshmallows 45 minutes to an hour before changing. Little to no output.