This is the first time I have posted on this site. I've been reading it for a while and all of you have helped me feel less like a freak and given me hope. I started with this whole thing last May with pain which I chose to ignore because I was afraid of cancer. Many people in my family have had cancer and I was three weeks away from my son's wedding.
When it got bad and I went to a specialist, he said he couldn't believe I was still functioning because I had an abscess which was infected. I ended up with a perforated bowel. I cried and whined that I didn't want to miss my son's wedding so he treated me in the hospital for a week with antibiotics and put a JP drain on me. I did get to go to the wedding and no one knew what I was wearing under that beautiful dress.
I ended up wearing the drain all summer and surgery was scheduled for September. The first surgery was done laparoscopic and I felt great. I told my doctor that I loved him and he said there was a chance this could fail. Sure enough, three days out of the hospital, I got really sick and ended up in emergency surgery at 2:00 AM. I woke up with a colostomy and a huge incision. It's been tough working like this as I am a car sales consultant and I'm always afraid of the bag smelling or exploding. You all know what I mean. Now I have developed a hernia that needs to be fixed.
Now I'm setting up a reversal surgery and hernia repair. My doctor says I don't have much colon left but he thinks he can fix me. I just want to hear from anyone who can give me some encouragement as I'm scared to death. I want to get rid of this colostomy more than anything but I dread the surgery. Before this whole episode, I had never been sick so this has really thrown me for a loop.
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Hi Crossley. Ya know, I think it’s all about feelings. I don’t mean the pain feelings which could control everything. I mean the feelings inside our heads, our hearts and even our souls. I mean the feelings of who we are now compared to who we were; how we accept our situation or maybe we don’t. My wife asked how I felt and I said, “like crap”. She asked what hurt and I answered, “Nothing hurts, well, everything hurts, I don’t know, It all sucks.” That was a long time ago. You question if your feelings are normal. How normal is it to relocate your butt hole to your belly where it’s usually in the way of your belt and, you know. But that’s where we are and for lots of us we are so much better off than we were before, physically. Emotionally, psychologically, well, that might be a different story. I believe talk therapy is wonderful if we could find a real empathic or sympathetic listener. So guess what! I found MAO and began “talking” with a keyboard with some of the wisest, kindest most sympathetic and compassionate folks on the planet. Regardless of where we’ve been, lots of folks here have been there and worse places and found their way back healthier and happier. We really do help each other.
Keep “talking”,
Mike
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