Dating Challenges with an Ostomy Pouch and Herpes

Dating with an ostomy pouch can be difficult. If you're like me and also have herpes, good luck, you're going to need it!

Ehhh. What always makes me feel better about myself is that I try to think of someone who has it worse off than I do, and I realize I shouldn't feel so bad about myself. I watch George Clooney on CNN talk about how in Sudan innocent women and children are being starved, terrorized, and killed, and I think to myself, I feel so grateful I live where I do and to have the health that I have. Even though I'm HIV+, and have a permanent colostomy, had my anus removed and sealed shut, and have had herpes too, along with virtually every other STD, and with all my surgeries (one time having 64 staples on me...and now my body looks as disfigured as the Bride of Frankenstein) ... I'm still here! And when I feel depressed about being nothing but a big bundle of damaged goods, I just turn on CNN ... my eyes well up with tears, and I realize things could be worse.
🔒 Login to see image
We've got it good, and I'm grateful.

P.S. If I weren't gay, I'd ask you out on a date! Honest!
🔒 Login to see image

I want to date you, lol

Dancer...Derby has the right idea...it is so important to keep a positive attitude!

Even though I am older, I longed for a relationship. I dated and even had a proposal of marriage. But, in my case...I decided I liked my freedom. My choice!

I have a descending colostomy because of Crohn's, and because of multiple small bowel resections...I have only three feet of small intestine remaining. (I understand the normal person has about 28 feet!) So, I have what is known as short-gut syndrome. My remaining 3 ft. has active Crohn's, and I get malnourished very easily. To keep me going, they implanted a PEG feeding tube in my abdomen through which I get nourishment. So, I not only have a bag, but also a tube in the middle of my tummy...a bionic woman of sorts. I am a cheap date...can't eat much at a restaurant.

In 2001 I developed uterine cancer which resulted in a ten-hour operation because of all the adhesions from previous intestinal surgeries. They had to remove some of my vagina. So, even if I had a relationship...it would have to be with an elderly midget. Most of those from "Wizard of Oz" have died off.

So, like Derby, I am just thankful to be here. There truly are people so much worse off in this world. I am thankful to be alive and to be able to enjoy my sons, granddaughters, friends, etc.

Life deals you a deck of cards...you have no choice in that. But, it is your choice as to how you play the game of life. You will find someone...if that is your desire. It might be a bit more challenging, but I have friends in the same boat for whom that has happened!

Keep dancing!!!!

Hi all, I have had my ileostomy now for 32 years; I got it when I was 13 years old, and if I didn't, I wouldn't be here now. So, like Derbysteve, when I watch the news on TV, I'm so glad to be in good health and living in Ireland.
🔒 Login to see image

How to Get Back to Fitness After Ostomy Surgery with Ryan | Hollister

Thankfully, I am married, but I have an ileostomy and also have herpes. Herpes is nothing to be ashamed of, no more than HIV. One in six people (one in five for women) have herpes in the US, so it is very common. I wish the person who gave it to me would have been upfront, but she wasn't.




If I were dating again, I'd probably use an internet site like Match.com (I met my wife that way eight years ago), and I'd be very upfront about both. That way, you don't waste your time on dates only to be rejected later. If someone agrees to go on a date, they already know upfront.

Being a caregiver and having taken care of oncology patients for a large majority of that time, I have seen, heard, and felt so much, from denial to acceptance and everything in between. I am very guilty of often feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I was dealt a horrible hand of cards and always asking "why me".
🔒 Login to see image
Then I think of all those fantastic people I've been fortunate enough to know and love, who took their last breath with 'no fear', never asked "why me" but accepted their fate and fought with such grace, and I'm ashamed of myself for my doubts. I know I could have lost my life a few times to my Crohn's, I know I'm now able to do so much I never would have been able to do had I not had the surgery, and I know I need to start realizing it's true when one says "God never gives you more than you can handle". I need to start letting those many words of wisdom and love into my life and be thankful for what I do have.

Well said, Skidder!

I have to constantly remind myself not to do that "woe is me"! It's something I have to work at every day... some days are easier than others!

All is not lost! I went through a short gloomy period, but I'm over it. There are so many wonderful people in this world. I'm now dating a kind and compassionate man who has neither an ostomy nor herpes. He accepts me as I am. Life is good!

DerbySteve, you are so right. I watched my best friend/roommate struggle for over a decade with emphysema -- she got a double lung transplant two years ago. Her current state of good health is nothing short of a miracle. I'm not usually such a gloomy Gus -- I work at an inner city nonprofit, so I know how well off I am.

Thanks, everyone, for your words of encouragement!