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Dating Difficulties

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Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:00 pm
Dating with an ostomy pouch can be difficult.  If you're like me and also have Herpes, good luck, you're gonna need it!
Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:42 pm
Ehhhh.   What always makes me feel better about myself is that I try to think of someone that has it worse off than I do, and I realize I shouldn't feel so bad about myself.  I watch George Clooney on CNN talk about how in Sudan innocent women & children are being starved, terrorized & killed, and I think to myself, I feel so grateful I live where I do and to have the health that I have.  Even though I'm HIV+, and have a permanent colostomy, had my anus removed & sealed shut, and have had herpes too, along with virtually every other STD, and with all my surgeries (one time having 64 staples on me....and now my body looks as disfigured as the Bride of Frankenstein) ... I'm still here!  And when I feel depressed about being nothing but a big bundle of damaged goods, I just turn on CNN ... my eyes well up with tears, and I realize things could be worse.      We've got it good, and I'm grateful.

P.S.  If I weren't gay, I'd ask you out on a date!  Honest! Smile
Sun Mar 18, 2012 4:16 pm
                                 
Dancer1951 wrote:
Dating with an ostomy pouch can be difficult.  If you're like me and also have Herpes, good luck, you're gonna need it!

I want dating with you lol
Sun Mar 18, 2012 4:51 pm
Dancer...Derby has the right idea...it is so important to keep a positive attitude!

Even though I am older, I longed for a relationship.  I dated and even had a proposal of marriage.  But, in my case...I decided I liked my freedom. My choice!

I have a descending colostomy because of Crohn's, and because of multiple small bowel resections...I have only three feet of small intestine remaining.  (I understand the normal person has about 28 feet!)  So, I have what is known as short-gut syndrome.  My remaining 3 ft. has active Crohn's, and I get malnourished very easily. To keep me going, they implanted a PEG feeding tube in my abdomen through which I get nourishment. So, I not only have a bag, but also a tube in the middle of my tummy...a bionic woman of sorts.  I am a cheap date...can't eat much at a restaurant.  

In 2001 I developed uterine cancer which resulted in a ten-hour operation because of all the adhesions from previous intestinal surgeries.  They had to remove some of my vagina.  So, even if I had a relationship...it would have to be with an elderly midget. Most of those from "Wizard of Oz" have died off.

So, like Derby, I am just thankful to be here.  There truly are people so much worse off in this world. I am thankful to be alive and to be able to enjoy my sons, granddaughters, friends, etc.

Life deals you a deck of cards...you have no choice in that.  But, it is your choice as to how you play the game of life. You will find someone...if that is your desire.  It might be a bit more challenging, but I have friends in the same boat for whom that has happened!

Keep dancing!!!!
Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:40 pm
hi all, i have my ileostomy now for 32yrs got it when i was 13yrs old and if i didnt i wouldnt be here now so like derbysteve when i watch news on t.v im so glad to be in good health and living in ireland
Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:43 pm
Thankfully I am married, but I have a ileostomy and also have herpes. Herpes is nothing to be ashamed of, no more than HIV. One in Six people (one in five for women) have herpes in the US so it is very common. I wish the person who gave it to me would have been upfront but she wasn't.

If I were dating again, I'd probably use an internet site like Match.com (I met my wife that way eight years ago) and I'd be very upfront for both. That way you don't waste your time on dates only to be rejected later. If someone goes agrees to go on a date, they already know up front.
Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:03 pm
Being a caregiver and having taken care of Oncology patients a large majority of that time, I have seen, heard and felt so much from denial to acceptance and all in between. I am very guilty of often feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I was dealt a horrible hand of cards and always asking "why me". Then I think of all those fantastic people I've been fortunate enough to know and love, who took their last breathe with 'no fear', never asked why me but accepted their fate and fought with such grace and I'm ashamed of myself for my doubts. I know I could have lost my life a few times to my Crohns, I know I'm now able to do so much I never would have been able to do had I not had the surgery and I know I need to start realizing it's true when one says "God never gives you more than you can handle".  I need to start letting those many words of wisdom and love into my life and be thankful for what I DO have.
Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:53 pm
                                 
skidder wrote:
and I know I need to start realizing it's true when one says "God never gives you more than you can handle".  I need to start letting those many words of wisdom and love into my life and be thankful for what I DO have.


Well said, Skidder!
Mon Apr 02, 2012 11:05 pm
I have to constantly remind myself to not do that "woe is me"! It's something I have to work at every day.....some days are easier than others!
Thu May 10, 2012 4:24 pm
All is not lost!  I went through a short gloomy period, but I'm over it.  There are so many wonderful people in this world.  I'm now dating a kind and compassionate man who has neither an ostomy nor herpes.  He accepts me as I am.  Life is good!!
Thu May 10, 2012 4:31 pm
DerbySteve, you are SO right.  I watched my best friend/roommate struggle for over a decade with emphysema -- she got a double lung transplant two years ago.  Her current state of good health is nothing short of a miracle.  I'm not usually such a gloomy gus -- I work at an inner city nonprofit, so I know how well off I am.

Thanks, everyone, for your words of encouragement!
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