I had a skin infection that is "common" after abdominal surgeries that hurt the skin an deep inside, I felt like something was going to break within me and actually needed ambulance to go to the hospital by the time I sat up and paid attention and realized whatever it was it was serious. Antibiotics cleared it up, but it eats the skin and connective tissues so it is something to watch out for cause we need those to get closed up and heal with!
If it is that and it gets bad it goes from pain to unbearable pretty fast, especially if something shocks or upsets you which at that time something actually did. I think I'd have been healing up fine otherwise.
I get it about wondering if I should even be out talking to others, posting here for example; I get that with a laugh. I'm half out my head I've noticed; my math doesn't add up, my recall of time and sequence is up for question at least in my head....but MOST of the time I'm glad I'm alive and am actively either feeling good or doing the things that I know will, if I keep at it, restore me to feeling good. Sometimes it is just a matter of hanging in there and going through the motions anyhow and counting on your fellow humans to play with the best of you and let the confusion and plethora of emotions kinda sort out through time and settling in and coming back into a feeling of well being and quality of living and expectation of life in this world. When the instinct to play...when the feeling of playfulness and just quiet contentment is something that is felt periodically through the day, for me that's when I know I'm at my best, even if my details may have gone a bit astray. At this point in my life I don't claim to be an expert in much anyway
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