OK. So here's the deal. I've had an ileostomy for about 5 years and considering that I've had 9 surgeries in 4 years, I think I have pretty good body image. Now I have unexpectedly found myself in a caring and committed relationship with a very supportive man but it's new. Usually when I have sex, I tape my pouch (which is already the smaller "midi" type) up out of the way and I use Coloplast's elastic barrier strips for extra security. This works well for me and I don't cover myself anymore. When I've gone swimming, I do something similar along with using an ostomy belt and I have a great swimsuit with a lot of extra support around the waist and ruching on that side that really helps hold it and cover it. My issue is this--my boyfriend and I have a romantic getaway planned for the weekend of Feb. 23rd and the resort condo we're staying in has a fireplace and jacuzzi. He is really psyched about it and so am I except that I have never gone in a jacuzzi with my ileostomy naked. I feel a lot less secure about it. My swimsuit has always held the pouch in place along with the tape. Any ideas? I don't want to ruin the mood and I don't want to be worried about it the whole time.
Hi, Every "first" has it own anxieties. It sounds like you have a nice relationshiip going, and that your boyfriend is already comfortable with your ostomy during sex. Sometimes, because we're anxious, we're sure that our significant other, is going to be overly aware, and perhaps critical or judgemental. But that "might just be in your head".
I'm in a relaionship for about a year, and honestly, I was more self concious about my overweight, scarred body than I was with my ostomy pouch. My being embarrrassed, upset my guy, and he did his best to reassure me...and eventually he did. We even shower together, and he has commented ( to my embarrassment) that I don't "seem" embarrassed any longer. Oh Well, I don't share all my inner thoughts! :))
Try not to be overly concerned, and perhaps buy/ or put on a pair of sexy/ stretcy black or red panies, just to get into the tub. You'll both have the "fun" of his taking them off of you, and then go on from there.
Just an ostomy tip......soaking in a hot tub for a long time, can soften the wafer....so you might want to be prepared to change before sleep, just to ensure that there are no accidents. For me, hot showers don't pose a problem, but extended time in a hot tub does. Always like to enjoy, but also be prepared. Have fun.
Thank you so much for your advice. I haven't showered with anyone since my ileostomy so that will be another new experience that I can see coming soon. I think what I really need to do is to educate my boyfriend so he understands what the potential issues are. At first, all I thought I needed to do was to allow him "informed consent" so he knew enough about the severe form of my disease and could decide for himself if he wanted to get involved with someone with such complicated medical issues. Now that we're past that, I guess it's time to talk about the rest.
You're the best judge of how much you want to share. But in my experience...I worry way too much.
Men who have an issue with it, will let you know.
A few years ago, I had two really nice dates with a guy,a nd thought that we might "have potential". Because I like to be prepared, I told him what I thought he needed to know, and put his hand on my belly over clothes, just to show him where it was. It didn't seem like it was going to be an issue. The next date, We became "involved" and when "it gurgled" he asked what it was, and I told him. Hmm. And that was the end of our potential relationship. When it "got real" he couldn't handle it. So of course, I thought I told him too soon. But then , I argue with myself, that I'd rather know sooner than later if it's going to be an issue.
The man I'm currently seeing, has absolutely no problem with my ostomy, or with my weight, with my scars , or my age ( i'm 4 years older than he is :)) H e just sees me, the person. Ironically, he teased me about his "sleeping with a grandmother" and now he just became a grandfather. We're both in our 60's and are like teenagers! So try not to worry, and just have fun.
never had a problem in a hot tub...enjoy your romantic weekend and don't worry
I've had a colotomy for 12 years. 3 years ago I got in touch with a boyfriend from when I was 16 we're in our 60's now. when we first met, after 50 yrs, there was an instant connection. I told him about my ostomy the first date. He totally accepted me for who I am. with he help of ostomates peretty cumberbunds , which cover my colostomy and make me feel normal, we have been intimate, with no issues .I also irrigate, irrigate irrigate , I have no stool in my bag. problem is we are crazy about each other, but he is married and has grown children, and is a grandfather.I have had so many disappointing encounters with men, that I gave up, until i reconnected with my old friend.
WOW GO GIRL AND GOOD FOR YOU I HAVE ALSO AN ILEOSTOMY AND I WOULD NOT GO IN ANY JACUZZI AT ALL REASON BEING ITS NOT GOOD AS YOU LOOSE SO MUCH WATER AND CAN GET VERY DEHYDRATED , BUT AGAIN THATS ME AND THE ADVISE OFF MY 2 STN'S IM A VOLUNTEER IN AUSTRALIA SO WHEN WE HAVE OUR OPERATIONS YOU GET SIGNED UP AT 1 OF MANY OSTOMY ASSOCIATIONS WHERE U EITHER CALL , EMAIL, FAX ETC WHAT YOU REQUIRE EACH MONTH , WE DO THIS FOR FREE BUT WE ALL PAY OUR MEDICARE ONCE A YEAR OF $40 NON WORKING $50 IF YOU WORK THAT WILL GIVE YOU YOUR REQUIRED AMOUNT AS FOR ME IM ALLOCATED 30 COLOPLAST CONVEX DRAINABLES EVERY MONTH WITH WHAT EVER ELSE YOU NEED , I SPEAK TO MANY PEOPLE ABOUT THIS BUT THERS MORE PEOPLE WITH COLOSTOMYS WHICH IS SOOO DIFFERENT IF YOU DO GO THOUGH MAYBE GRAB YOUR SELF A BIG BOTTLE OF ELECTROLYTE DRINKS CHEERS AND WOOHOOO ENJOY HAVE FUN AND KEEP THAT POUCHY ON LOL
I also had to have my esophagus removed and reconstructed with my stomach so dehydration is a constant struggle but I look at the hot tub no differently than working out. I will sweat and lose fluids through my skin so I need to be careful to replace them. My doctor has me almost exclusively drinking electrolyte drinks (I use recipes from the World Health Organization--rehydration drinks) and it has made a bid difference in how much I absorb. I've been in a hot tub since my ileostomy and had to figure out what bathing suit to wear when swimming but this will be a little different. One way or another, I'll be OK I guess. Like everything else, I just need to be comfortable with it and that will make him comfortable with it. You can't let your ileostomy stop you from doing things. We just have to do things a little differently sometimes.
hi livinnandlaernin, maybe ive missed it somewhere through this thread but have you been to your resort yet and how did it go.im in a similar situation, i got away with it last summer through my stoma being new but weve booked for the summer and there is a pool and hot tub at the cabin. im so nervous about leaks even though they happen in normal situations. i wear the black elasticated bands to cover and support and they are great but i have to get over this, i love to swim and we are taking the grandchildren so i wanna be in the thick of all the action. i have a sauna at the house and i dont really have a problem with that but always change my bag after.