OK. So here's the deal. I've had an ileostomy for about 5 years and considering that I've had 9 surgeries in 4 years, I think I have a pretty good body image. Now I have unexpectedly found myself in a caring and committed relationship with a very supportive man, but it's new. Usually when I have sex, I tape my pouch (which is already the smaller "midi" type) up out of the way, and I use Coloplast's elastic barrier strips for extra security. This works well for me, and I don't cover myself anymore. When I've gone swimming, I do something similar along with using an ostomy belt, and I have a great swimsuit with a lot of extra support around the waist and ruching on that side that really helps hold it and cover it. My issue is this--my boyfriend and I have a romantic getaway planned for the weekend of Feb. 23rd, and the resort condo we're staying in has a fireplace and jacuzzi. He is really psyched about it, and so am I, except that I have never gone in a jacuzzi with my ileostomy naked. I feel a lot less secure about it. My swimsuit has always held the pouch in place along with the tape. Any ideas? I don't want to ruin the mood, and I don't want to be worried about it the whole time.
Hi, every "first" has its own anxieties. It sounds like you have a nice relationship going, and that your boyfriend is already comfortable with your ostomy during sex. Sometimes, because we're anxious, we're sure that our significant other is going to be overly aware, and perhaps critical or judgmental. But that "might just be in your head".
I'm in a relationship for about a year, and honestly, I was more self-conscious about my overweight, scarred body than I was with my ostomy pouch. My being embarrassed upset my guy, and he did his best to reassure me...and eventually he did. We even shower together, and he has commented (to my embarrassment) that I don't "seem" embarrassed any longer. Oh well, I don't share all my inner thoughts! :))
Try not to be overly concerned, and perhaps buy or put on a pair of sexy/stretcy black or red panties, just to get into the tub. You'll both have the "fun" of his taking them off of you, and then go on from there.
Just an ostomy tip... soaking in a hot tub for a long time can soften the wafer, so you might want to be prepared to change before sleep, just to ensure that there are no accidents. For me, hot showers don't pose a problem, but extended time in a hot tub does. Always like to enjoy, but also be prepared. Have fun.
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Thank you so much for your advice. I haven't showered with anyone since my ileostomy, so that will be another new experience that I can see coming soon. I think what I really need to do is to educate my boyfriend so he understands what the potential issues are. At first, all I thought I needed to do was to allow him "informed consent" so he knew enough about the severe form of my disease and could decide for himself if he wanted to get involved with someone with such complicated medical issues. Now that we're past that, I guess it's time to talk about the rest.
You're the best judge of how much you want to share. But in my experience... I worry way too much.
Men who have an issue with it will let you know.
A few years ago, I had two really nice dates with a guy, and thought that we might "have potential". Because I like to be prepared, I told him what I thought he needed to know and put his hand on my belly over clothes, just to show him where it was. It didn't seem like it was going to be an issue. The next date, we became "involved" and when "it gurgled" he asked what it was, and I told him. Hmm. And that was the end of our potential relationship. When it "got real" he couldn't handle it. So of course, I thought I told him too soon. But then, I argue with myself, that I'd rather know sooner than later if it's going to be an issue.
The man I'm currently seeing has absolutely no problem with my ostomy, or with my weight, with my scars, or my age (I'm 4 years older than he is :)). He just sees me, the person. Ironically, he teased me about his "sleeping with a grandmother" and now he just became a grandfather. We're both in our 60's and are like teenagers! So try not to worry and just have fun.
I've had a colostomy for 12 years. 3 years ago, I got in touch with a boyfriend from when I was 16. We're in our 60's now. When we first met, after 50 years, there was an instant connection. I told him about my ostomy on the first date. He totally accepted me for who I am. With the help of ostomates' pretty cumberbunds, which cover my colostomy and make me feel normal, we have been intimate with no issues. I also irrigate, irrigate, irrigate. I have no stool in my bag. The problem is we are crazy about each other, but he is married and has grown children, and is a grandfather. I have had so many disappointing encounters with men that I gave up until I reconnected with my old friend.
Wow, go girl and good for you! I have also an ileostomy and I would not go in any jacuzzi at all. The reason being, it's not good as you lose so much water and can get very dehydrated. But again, that's me and the advice of my 2 stoma nurses. I'm a volunteer in Australia, so when we have our operations, you get signed up at one of many ostomy associations where you either call, email, fax, etc. what you require each month. We do this for free, but we all pay our Medicare once a year of $40 if you're not working, $50 if you work. That will give you your required amount. As for me, I'm allocated 30 Coloplast convex drainables every month with whatever else you need. I speak to many people about this, but there's more people with colostomies, which is so different. If you do go through, maybe grab yourself a big bottle of electrolyte drinks. Cheers and woohoo, enjoy, have fun, and keep that pouchy on! LOL
I also had to have my esophagus removed and reconstructed with my stomach, so dehydration is a constant struggle. But I look at the hot tub no differently than working out. I will sweat and lose fluids through my skin, so I need to be careful to replace them. My doctor has me almost exclusively drinking electrolyte drinks (I use recipes from the World Health Organization - rehydration drinks) and it has made a big difference in how much I absorb. I've been in a hot tub since my ileostomy and had to figure out what bathing suit to wear when swimming, but this will be a little different. One way or another, I'll be OK, I guess. Like everything else, I just need to be comfortable with it, and that will make him comfortable with it. You can't let your ileostomy stop you from doing things. We just have to do things a little differently sometimes.
Hi livinnandlaernin, maybe I've missed it somewhere through this thread but have you been to your resort yet and how did it go? I'm in a similar situation, I got away with it last summer through my stoma being new but we've booked for the summer and there is a pool and hot tub at the cabin. I'm so nervous about leaks even though they happen in normal situations. I wear the black elasticated bands to cover and support, and they are great, but I have to get over this. I love to swim, and we are taking the grandchildren, so I wanna be in the thick of all the action. I have a sauna at the house, and I don't really have a problem with that, but I always change my bag after.
Check out our travel tips on diet and fitness.
I have gone into NYC while dealing with an ileostomy. I watch how much I eat during these excursions. I use Parsorb which helps absorb the fluid in your pouch. I have taken Imodium before going to the City. These are helpful considerations. Don't forget to live your best life while this is going on!!