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Divorced due to the ostomy

Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:58 pm
"MeetAnOstoMate is the best website for people with an Ostomy. So much understanding. Everyone should join."
well im divorced due to the ostomy.  she couldn't handle my medical problems so she walked away. i feel like trash, like im not worth anything anymore. she was having a affair while i was in the hospital almost dead the witch. sorry. bad day in court. custody hearing was today not good day.
Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:16 am

Hello labrat. Without intending to be sexist isn't it usually women that share these sort of sad stories of betrayal in relationships? Not that it doesn't happen to men as well as you can bear witness to.   Sorry to hear about your present predicament as these events tend to be accompanied by such a wide ranging, intense and somewhat less-controllable emotions.  Like all the other bad stuff that happens in life, if and when you can see beyond the negatives your new future life will probably be much better for it.  Or let's hope so! Best wishes  Bill   

MeetAnOstoMate - 27,789 members
Fri Nov 27, 2015 10:33 pm

I'm sorry you're going through this. The only thing that is going to heal your heart is time. That is such an annoying cliche, but it is pretty true. As for your ex wife, some people can not handle the stress and the strain on a commitment that an illness can cause. Don't let this color how you see yourself. This is less about your illness and more about her inability to cope in the situation. I hope your anger and sadness eases and after awhile you will see this for the opportunity this it is. You get to find someone who will appreciate and love the new you. The guy who is a little more seasoned by life. Good luck to you.

Tue Dec 01, 2015 8:07 pm

You are the lucky one to find out now and not later that she was certainly NOT your perfect mate.   The ostomy is not the cause - it may have been her excuse though.  

I so so wish you the best.   You need to stop the anger as that means the other person "won" and is using your energy. You can handle the hurdle even with all the other stuff going on -- you will heal faster with out the stress.   I fully believe that  everyone really needs to learn to LIVE and not have to count on others to make them happy --- 

I have weathered the same and it is much easier to live a full life and healthy life now.... 

Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:13 pm
labrat wrote:

well im divorced due to the ostomy.  she couldn't handle my medical problems so she walked away. i feel like trash, like im not worth anything anymore. she was having a affair while i was in the hospital almost dead the witch. sorry. bad day in court. custody hearing was today not good day.

 Ok from an outside perspective listen up  I am a woman and wife to a man w an ostomy.  This is bs.  She did what she did because that is who she is inside, not because of you  she was having an affair while you were in the hospital ?????  She is weak and cruel and probably your biggest error was picking someone who is selfish and self centered  I loved my husband from day one, throughout his multiple surgeries and the many many dark days that followed his surgery    Please take some time, find yourself and then find a woman with a good heart that loves you with all she has  they are out there   I promise  if you ever need to see how this works look up a guy named Ed Wikouski on face b   What a non ashamed life he lives  he is a role model for all of us  Hold your head up and live your life  it's going to be ok  



Tue Dec 01, 2015 11:48 pm

Hang in there, let her go, life is great, just be positive, I have had an ostomy now for 8 years and am good !

Wed Dec 02, 2015 7:41 am

You poor thing, you are well rid of such a woman.  Please do not blame yourself.  YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS.   You will find a MUCH better person, I am sure.

Good luck...

Wed Dec 02, 2015 9:18 am

Labrat,

Try to think about your ostomy as a 'jerk-detector'. Sorry you didn't have your jerk detector prior to getting married. lol. 

btw- There are plenty of non-jerks out there so don't get discouraged. You should actually be happy that you finally found out you were married to a jerk. lol. Take care. 

Wed Dec 02, 2015 2:21 pm

I wished it was 1776 still....get her hung for bring a witch. Plenty more fish in the sea! Grab a rod and reel one in like a man!!!!!

Sat Dec 05, 2015 2:29 am

I am trying but is hard as feel sometimes like I am judged on my disablities and not my ablities.

Sun Dec 06, 2015 8:43 am

Labrat, i always speak the truth and yes it is true you will be judged on your disabilities. So am i, i have been on regular dating sites and i know that women have been put off by me having a stoma. it is unfortunate that people see the disabiliy before the person but you will have to get used to it as i will and am slowly doing. it will take time. as for your wife, couldn't agree more than with what Mark1070 said. From what you say it was never going to work and your op just speeded the inevitable up a bit. All you can do is think of the possitives ....................... it's party time !!!! no one to hold you back, go out and have some fun, do something you allways wanted to do but your ex would never let you. sod the cost, sod what others think, just go ahead and do something to please yourself. then keep posting on here if you need to, and remember, look up at all the posts. no negatives here just new friends with possitves for you

Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:54 am

Spot-on Jason.  Go out and find someone better!

Try speed-dating, try anything, just go for it.

What's the worst that can happen?  Bag fall off and embarrass yourself?

Still better than doing nothing, and something to laugh about (eventually).

And if the bag doesn't fall off, you've had a good time.

Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:28 am

Hi Labrat - same thing happened to me while I was struggling for my life back in 2003-2004, after 24 years and 2 children together my spouse acted as yours has.  I've posted my story here in my blog.  What kept me going was my children and a strong will to not let the bastard win!  If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, it sure hurts like hell, and for years I questioned what I did wrong to bring on such a fate.  Turns out I'm doing better now than he is...he's bankrupt and still a jerk, only I'm not saddled with him.  Interestingly, he lives in your neck of the woods now, got bitten by a tick and claims to have chronic Lyme disease, so what goes around comes around.  I do believe in karma.  But there is no satisfaction in the destruction of a family.  I feel for you and wish you the best back at school and in your life.  I will say your age and gender is in your favor!

Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:17 pm

how are you today?

Tue Nov 15, 2016 7:28 pm

Im great thankyou! And yourself?

Mon Jul 18, 2022 8:01 pm

Evening labrat....Sorry ur having a shit day but in reality why are you still giving her satisfaction she's winning as long as you are angry, frustrated, and bitter....turn that other cheek be happy, smile, positive, even if it's not true don't let her win it's your turn.... it's her way of justifying her actions to blame ur health concerns, she needed an out and used ostomy as her reasoning.....the grass is not always greener on the other side and karma is a bitch....be the person you truly are deep down inside do not let her or anyone take that from you.....you got this fight you just got to fight!!!!! Be the better person and you come out smelling like a rose.....Never just settle....your new life is about to begin enjoy every second of it...

Tracy

Mon Jul 18, 2022 8:05 pm


labrat wrote:

I am trying but is hard as feel sometimes like I am judged on my disablities and not my ablities.


Mon Jul 25, 2022 11:04 am

Wow. Im so sorry that happened to you. No wonder you are devastated. That is horrible. Please know that your life is a gift. None of us get out of here alive. We all have medical problems. Trust me she will get her karma. You rock with those medical problems!! They are a small part of you. Its her loss.

Thu Aug 11, 2022 9:39 am

When we go through bad times it reveals those who truly care about us. You will definitely get over her because obviously she is lacking in the character department. When somebody truly loves you they could NEVER hurt you!! God bless and keep moving forward!! You deserve nothing but happiness!

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