2 months since colostomy after 5 months of being unable to eliminate due to what was ultimately determined to be a problem with the sigmoid colon. Was needing colon cleanser 2x a day just to eliminate, which created a drastic weight loss. Some days are good I have good eliminations, other times, like right now, I feel blocked, bloated, nothing moving and I want to scream - or die.
Doc told me I would be healed in 6 weeks, I'm nowhere near that, although some days are better than others. My job/career is that of a performing musician and band leader, I've been unable to work for 2 months, going to try to get back to it this weekend but I am scared, if this doesn't go well, it's over. I will lose the band, due to the nature of the music business, I will lose my career.... and my income.
Then there's the loss of body image, the embarrassment for how I look, trying to figure out my options in this morass of ostomy products with virtually no help from the doctor and his office.
I don't sleep much, either out of fear and worry, or the colostomy deciding to start working at 3 in the morning, or the pain and discomfort. Doc told me there would not be a chance of hernia, yet I have a swelling on my abdomen where the stoma exits (CT says not a hernia, yet it is there, and it hurts). I am in pain, fearful, despondent. I often take anti-anxiety meds, and occasionally couple that with Percocet (only occasionally) to dull the pain and allow me to get some sleep, from which most of the time I hope I don't wake up.
Grateful for any support/insight/encouragement.