Struggling to Keep My Home Clean with Low Energy and an Ostomy

Hello all! I am a stay-at-home mom with a 4- and 5-year-old and a husband who works long hours, and I can't seem to keep a clean house. I've tried everything, and I still can't do it. I feel depleted all the time, my mental state isn't the best, and I'm just so tired I can't seem to do it. I think I am trying to be how I used to be without the Crohn's and ostomy, but I think I need to accept that I'm not normal anymore. This ostomy has just ruined my life, I feel like, in a lot of ways. Does anyone have any advice on how to keep a clean house with low energy and an ostomy? Thanks in advance.

Only a thought. How often is your blood work done? Perhaps your iron is low? Electrolytes, etc. There are solutions. You've got this.

Hire someone to do it. Or, do some each day and be done. 

What is it that is not clean? Is kids toys all around, or messy countertops, clothes laying around? Or maybe all above? Normal? What is normal? Before my Ostomy I don’t think I was even normal 🤷🏼‍♀️. Hahahahaha Sometimes having a clean house isn’t as important as spending quality time with your family. I’m glad you reached out. I’m sure some of us on here can give you some helpful advice. You are not alone in this 🙏🏻

How long since surgery?

Clean one or two rooms a day instead of trying to do everything at once. That's how I have to do it now due to health problems I have.

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Give yourself a break! You can't take care of everything, even without Crohn's and an ostomy. You are holding your household up the best that you can. Your husband and children are blessed to have you.

Hi there,  I really do sympathize with you.  I'm a bit of a clean freak, and I have found that post-ostomy, I just don't have the energy I used to.  I have a lot of years on you, but I don't have a couple of kids to chase around and clean up after.  I can imagine it's not easy.  There is a difference between clean and messy.  Having everything in its place doesn't really need to be a priority, but some level of cleanliness is important.  Concentrate on just what is really necessary.  I try to do a little every day, instead of having to do a major clean all at once.  Sure, it's nice to hire someone to come in, but it may not be an option.  The other thing to consider is that you are probably the only one bothered by it.  I'll bet your kids couldn't care less, and maybe your husband too.  I swear my husband would not notice if I didn't vacuum or clean for a month!

Terry

Vitamin B12 (in fact all the B vitamins) are often lacking in some people with an ileostomy and particularly given the Crohn's history I'd get your blood levels checked as you may also be lacking in other vitamins and minerals.

You can increase levels naturally with a high protein diet (meat, eggs, dairy products) basically all I eat now and haven't felt tired for years - also have a history of Crohn's and ileostomy.

Sweetie, I completely empathize. I'm far too ill to do a lot of things, and while I can dust, my husband John (who is also my full-time caregiver) does most of the chores. I just do the laundry, and because I am not allowed to hang the washing on the washing line (as I am vulnerable to getting hernias), John tends to throw the clean laundry in our dryer. I make his dinner, and I bake bread, but I need a lot of help.
While our home is not filthy, it is a bit untidy right now, as I am sorting through a lot of things, especially clothes which are now too large for me, and we want to get rid of some unnecessary stuff. We have a lady who comes over once a week, who gives our cottage a good vacuum, cleans the toilet and the bathroom, etc., which is a lot of help (and fortunately, as we live in New Zealand, the government pays for it as we are on a disability allowance).
I remember when I was young, I was incredibly strong. Everything in our home was tidy, and everything had its own place. I hate being so reliant on others. But that's because of my illness and hardly ever feeling well.
I get it.

Give yourself a break. Your house doesn't need to be perfect. Do the big things like vacuuming and dishes. Let the little tasks like picking up toys slide. 

Make a game of it and get a little help from the kids.

Do 1 or 2 things a day... only the most critical things. Then tell yourself you did good. Your mental health is important 

I agree with suggestions to make sure your bloodwork is good. 

We've lived in my house for 38 years and don't have any kids. For the first 25 years, it was spotless. I dusted, vacuumed, decluttered, scrubbed the shower and toilets, and cleaned the walls; it was a waste of my precious youth. No one cared. No one even noticed. One fine day, I said... hell with it. I devoted the time wasted on cleaning to having fun. Walking the neighborhood. Planning trips. Visiting friends. Or just hanging out being a couch potato. We were much happier. And 13 years later, we still are.

I dust every 6 months. Occasionally, I vacuum a rug section. Life is too short to waste precious time on tasks providing temporary, diminishing returns.

But, that's just me. Look up lazy in the dictionary... You'll see my picture. 😉

Hi - oftentimes Crohn's will affect that part of the intestine where B12 is absorbed so you might need it injected. Simple procedure done once a month by Doctor, Nurse or Pharmacist and after a while you can do it by yourself. Have been on this regimen for 35 years and it helps with your energy levels. As to the cleaning you might try 1 room every 2 days until the kids get to allowance age. Best, Bryce 

I forgot to add that when you are sick, ill, or simply not well, you have to be easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself and make sure that you get the best doctor care. Tell your doctor EVERYTHING, no matter if you think it has little significance or is so minor compared to the rest of your health problems. Because that may be what ends up solving the problem. Write down what you want to say to your doctor, what questions you want to ask. I have walked far too many times having completely forgotten about something.
I was advised at first, when I was so very ill, to do something for 5 minutes, and then to rest for an hour. I thought it was stupid advice at the time. But now I stick to the ritual, because if I do too much, I end up paying for it. You've got to learn your limits, and forgive yourself if you didn't achieve everything you wanted to get done today.
I have found it to be such a relief to be able to talk to other people who understand and care. So don't be stubborn, reach out for help.
You are not alone!

All work and no play, girl, you know how that goes. Do a bit, then make time for yourself; it's not the world championship of cleaning. And as above, get a blood test in case something is lacking.

I once worked in a very large office, taking up the whole floor, with only one custodian, and he kept the place very tidy. Once he was out for a couple of weeks, and the place was a mess even with three custodians. When he came back, I asked him how he kept the place tidy when three custodians could not 🤔

He said all the areas didn't become dirty at the same speed/frequency; some areas became dirty faster than others and more frequently (he called these areas the "hot" areas). The hot areas were cleaned more frequently.

For example, assume the PLAY Area and the BATHROOM were your hot areas. You would not proceed cleaning going from room to room in a linear fashion. You could clean the kitchen; PLAY AREA; BATHROOM; start laundry; PLAY AREA; BATHROOM; take a break/play with kids; feed the kids; PLAY AREA; BATHROOM; etc.

Although you are visiting the hot areas multiple times, there is not as much to do each time. If you don't get to each area every day, you can work them in the next day. Build in rest times and breaks — R&R is important along with a good night's sleep.

As others have mentioned, stay hydrated — dehydration causes fatigue.

Dehydration also makes us fall down and go boom. Ask me how I know. 😉

Maybe you have seasonal affective disorder? Do you feel tired usually this time of year? Maybe it's not your ostomy at all. Maybe it's also keeping up with a 4 and 5-year-old. They aren't the tidiest of beings. Maybe you can make a game out of it and get them to help you. You know, be like mommy and wipe the counter or something. They could do the tidying with you. Maybe you are lacking vitamin D or some other vitamin or mineral. I take all sorts of things to keep me going, iron, vitamin D, potassium, magnesium. Any or all of which the lack of can make you tired. Get yourself checked out with a blood test if you are really worried. Just don't be down on yourself; that never motivated anyone.

I agree to give yourself a little break especially since it has only been a short time since you had your surgery and it will take at least a few months to heal from the inside out.

Even without having children and my surgery was many years ago, at the age of 71 I don't have all of the energy to clean my house either all the time. So, I have hired a house cleaner to come in once per month to do a deeper clean than I have the energy to do. I have also purchased a Robo Rock floor vacuum cleaner. It vacuums and washes the floor too. It took some time to set it up but it's so worth it. I can either have it do the whole house or select rooms like just the kitchen or bathroom. There is also a Bissel floor cleaner that is a combination vacuum and floor washer but it is a little heavy to push around. If finances are a problem than maybe your husband can do the heavy work of cleaning the floors while you do the dusting and cleaning the kitchen. I would also enlist the kids to pick up their toys.

Hope this helps and hope you will gain your strength back soon.

Take care,

Connie

I really understand where you're coming from. I tried the same, thinking I could do everything I used to before I had two surgeries, but please take it easy and do bits at a time. All the material things will still be there, but you are most important. I nearly missed my first grandbaby, but my twins saved my life. Sending love ❤️

Your life isn’t ruined, it’s just different

Focus on the children not the floors

good luck

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would definitely get some blood work done to check you vitamin D and B levels. They both make a huge difference when within normal range. 

Talk to your doctor about blood work and see if your body is lacking any nutrients or iron. I am sure having a 4 and 5-year-old keeps you busy. Are there family or friends that could help you out? I am a nurse and have had an ileostomy myself for 42 years; I had surgery at 13. What we forget when we are dealing with illness, change, and surgery is that our bodies need time to heal, and some days the only accomplishment we can claim is that we got a shower and fed the kids. If that's the case, remember you may not think it's much, but sadly, it's more than some people do. If you're on vitamins, maybe switch to chewable ones or gummy vitamins; your body may not be absorbing them adequately. I remember when my grandkids were 4 and 5, I would clean the house and before my husband got home, it was destroyed again. Give yourself credit for what you can do and try not to compare yourself to others because they aren't walking in your shoes.

Dear Violet,

Sometimes surgery can leave us with a lower mood that presents as fatigue just to confuse you. Have you considered that this may be a possibility? Just a thought.

Replying to the main message. Don't beat yourself up about it. Your body is adjusting. It will take a long time. Try to make sure you're not dehydrated. Eat as well as you can. And most of all, you are the same person to your friends and family, even if you don't always feel it.

You poor, harassed thing. I do not have a 4 and 5-year-old anymore, but I wonder if an invalid husband who can do nothing for himself qualifies as a 4 or 5-year-old. That and my own problems should do it. We have been doing this now for 3 years, and family has been doing yeoman's work, but we are all petering out. Forget a clean house. One thing I know, unless it is an emergency, no living soul will come through my front door.

While I have never been a Hausfrau, there are limits to my tolerance. But, what to do, what to do?

I do feel for you. Husbands and children like a clean house also. You are the one who can do what you can do. Another thing I know (and advice is cheap), the more you stress yourself out over this, the less likely it will be that you get a grip on the situation.

If money is lacking to get a cleaning woman, your goose is cooked. If there is no one else to help, grit your teeth and say to yourself: "This, too, shall pass." Good luck and God bless.

What you have just said helped me also. I have been chronically ill for such a long time that everything pretty much falls on my husband, and I have been living with quite a lot of guilt that I am just not physically capable of doing the majority of the household chores, except for doing the laundry (and my husband throws it all into the dryer), and baking healthy bread and meals for my diabetic husband (who was addicted to sugar for a long time until I simply put my foot down that if he wanted to die, then certain sugary foods would no longer be kept in our home, and I have finally gotten him to comply with his diabetic diet).
Often I feel helpless. I tire very quickly. And following the advice the hospital gave me to do a chore for 5 to 10 minutes and then rest for an hour - although it is effective, I can get more done this way.
I still tend to struggle and think back to when I was still healthy and strong and could keep my own clean and tidy even with one arm tied behind my back!
John often tells me I should not be feeling guilty. But I wish that I could be an equal when it comes to jobs that need to be done in and around our home.

Still... I cannot change my situation. I have almost no quality of life. But I do find that trying to be thankful for the things God has given me and choosing to be happy rather than dwelling on all the negative things in my life makes my days tend to be better than if I feel sorry for myself (which is something I refuse to do - as there are people way worse off than I).

And, as we hardly ever get visitors these days, I no longer care if my home is often messy and lived in, but not filthy.

Hi, Gracie Bella,

I am glad that you think I helped you. I am 84, and I, too, tire quickly. If I have a day where most of my time is not spent on the couch, prone, I have the hardest time just standing up straight. Without going into detail, my body on its own, and maybe the skill of the surgeon, has thrown me a ringer that I have not come across on any of these pages. I may never be able to leave my house again until it is feet first. Do I have quality of life? Heck, no! Haven't had a haircut in going on 7 months, had to cancel standing doctor, dentist, and eye doctor appointments. Haven't been beyond my driveway since the beginning of last August. If we finally manage to get a bed in a long-term nursing home for my husband, I won't even be able to go visit him. I have to leave that up to my few family members. We are tapped out. When I read how other ostomates travel and go out for dinner, etc., I really, really would like to be able to do that also. Luckily, I/we never were much for actually going out to eat except rarely. I dread nights because they are always the same. Can't sleep well; sometimes everything hurts, and sometimes I just cannot sleep. Usually in the wee hours of the morning. All I have is making sure that our bills are paid on time, figuring out what has to be bought at the grocery store, and trying to plan, even maybe trying to do a little cooking until I peter out.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that you appear to be a talented person in several ways. It's still great to be able to be of some use; I often don't think that I am anymore. Anyway, had I not these stout genes, someone could be visiting me in an abode where one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Now, that aside, I have a curiosity question about your name: I find names interesting. As you say you are Dutch, did your parents give you that name, or is it a stage name? Gracie is British, and Bella is Italian. Then the order of the names also baffles me. Did you ever try to find out why you got this name? Normally, Bella Gracie would be the way to go, I think. But what do I know? Names are even more individual than individuals. Just curious.