My childhood friend Connie called me yesterday and asked me if I would like to meet her for lunch in my hometown. Absolutely, so off I went, leaving my cellphone charging at home at the ready for any emergency which might come my way. I came to a roundabout in the middle of the Iowa countryside (unbelievable choice of a site). While cruising along and deciding which route to take, the laws of physics took over and hurled me over the edge of the highway, over a ditch, and I flew like an eagle a long way into a field near a schoolhouse where children were enjoying noon recess and watching the funny lady in the car. An angel (very handsome man...as a widow I have a special appreciation for a handsome man...with a cell phone) came along, contacted help and the wait began. After what seemed like forever a very fat sheriff appeared looking at my car tracks and determining that I must have been going very fast and deciding whether to ticket me. Then the tow truck slowly drove up and after a substantial amount of time relieved me of $150.00 to pull me out. The sheriff decided I had suffered enough so he would let me off with a verbal warning.
Connie had left the restaurant so I went to the nursing home where her mother lives and we had our visit. I decided to go to the restaurant for a sandwich before going home. I gave thought to emptying my bag before leaving but since I had been stupid all day, why change now? As I drove home I could feel the bag growing like an old zucchini and tugging my stoma like a nursing child. I am hoping against hope but alas, came that moment of warm wet relief as crap flowed into my pants and coat.
When I went to bed I curled up into the arms of God (as a widow he is my Husband) and thanked him for getting me home at last. Today I am staying in and am not planning to leave soon.
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Hey, now that sounds like an adventure and a half. At least you're on the right side of the grass. Regardless of what happens, anything on this side is a good day. I've got myself in the habit of carrying a "man-purse," which contains one small bottle for water and my trusty turkey baster. I'm in fear of having to use a potty when traveling. Napkins in the glovebox. I've thought about it, and really, if I had to, I could do my business on the side of the road because people like us don't have to pull our britches all the way down. Glad to hear that you came out okay... Hang in there and give it hell. Ostomates rule!
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Oh, you poor thing! One day you will be able to laugh about it, I'm sure, but I can appreciate that at the moment you are feeling decidedly pissed off! Sounds like the sort of series of events that I have too, so you aren't alone. I reversed into a hidden ditch a few years ago on the road I live on and had the whole village driving past me, stopping, and asking what I'd done, etc. How embarrassing!
Big hugs, Rachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My Ostomy Journey: April | Hollister
Rachel, you are so understanding! You are one of the reasons I so enjoy this site!
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Everyone has a crappy day now and then, but only ostomates appreciate the true meaning of the term. Myself, I once ate an entire basket of blackberries immediately before boarding a BC Ferry in rough seas. I am a prairie chicken and ferries are a leap of faith anyway. I spent the entire trip in the washroom (about 2 hours). It was a triple bagger. My poor b/f sat outside and hovered. At one point I thought it was safe to come out. He started to offer me a coffee, stopped mid-sentence, and said—maybe not (I was, he told me later, a very unusual green color). I turned and returned to the washroom for the remainder of the trip.
BC Ferries have very nice washrooms, and I have never touched a blackberry since.
Learn the results of our ostomy sleep survey.
Maryallison: I have seven brothers (6 retired) and seven sisters. The baby of the family just turned 53, and I hit them up for jokes. Mind you, a lot of them will never see these forums. I had been saving that picture in hope that someday I might cheer up somebody having a bad day. I hope it brought a smile. Ed
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Mary! I'm shocked you weren't hurt! Thank goodness for that! Was your car okay??
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It not only made me smile... I howled out loud! That picture was a keeper!
My big rear end kept me from hurting myself, and I think the car is OK. I am in no mood to take it into the garage and pay anything right now.
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As I sit here typing, I can smell the aroma of home-baked beans, and it brings to mind the last time we had them. Man, they were good—three helpings good, that's good. But at three in the morning, I made it as far as the bathroom door, and whoosh, three feet away lay the pouch, shit everywhere. I never knew it could build up that kind of pressure, nor that kind of mess. Good thing my wife is a sound sleeper, as I had a lot of cleaning up to do. Ah, but tonight, no more than two helpings, and I probably won't sleep just thinking about the last episode. Have a good day, all. Ed
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That reminded me of after I got home from the hospital, I made some ham & beans (navy) with lots of chili powder & onions. Geeze, what a mistake.
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I take Beano before every meal...even those that supposedly don't cause gas because everything gives me gas. But it works great. I had 2 bean burritos the other day...not one iota of puff!
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The past 2 days, I have had severe gas and diarrhea...not sure why. I think it's my abscess causing it...?
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Bean-o doesn't work for Herman; he talks a lot to everyone... Any other ideas, other than just not eating?
Take care... Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Melissa
Melissa, welcome! 'Herman' What a wonderful name for it...!
By the way, for the benefit of us foreigners over the pond, what the hell is 'Bean-o'?
Rachel xx
Bean-o is a little tiny bean-looking thing you can buy and take to prevent gas buildup from some foods.
People say it works for them... but not for me
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Yes, me too! So now we know Steve ....it's an anti-fart bean. Sounds like something Dennis the Menace would use
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Maryallison!! I'm so glad you're OK!!! What a hair-raising experience, good grief... but I do need to tell you, girl, your sense of humor in your post cracked me up! LOL You're a blast!! ~Love and hugs from your crazy little Doe
Hi!
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...yeah, doesn't work for me either....not in the slightest. Haven't found anything that works honestly.
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Maryallison: I hope by this time you have gotten over your trauma and can laugh at your experience. I wish I had another picture to send the message home to you, but you can always go back and look at that lion. I don't think he was after the toilet paper. Ed
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PS: I don't think lions use beans either.
You would think with a name like Bean-o it would have the opposite effect, right?!
Sorry... post diversion...
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...I do hope MaryAllison is doing OK now... haven't seen her for a while.
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Cheers, all...
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I feel for you, Maryallison, bless your heart. You did have a bad day. This photo of squatting in the woods is cute; it made me laugh! "Where do you find such a thing?" My answer is in Oklahoma for sure; I've done it before myself! Have to watch for the snakes. Lucky for us, we have an
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ostomy, but if you have to pee, don't use the leaves to wipe!