Sooziq,
I've posted many times on this very subject. The gist of it is, most men are very visual creatures. And men aren't nearly as understanding as women are. I personally have never had an issue with letting a woman know I have an ileostomy. And I've never been rejected by a woman because of my ostomy. Maybe it's because I exude confidence or it's because I have an "I don't give a fuck" attitude.
I agree with Michael when he says be up front. The sooner he knows, the better, regardless of any feelings you have for him or he for you. You have a 50/50 chance that he's going to be a great guy and be understanding, or he could turn out to be a shallow prick. Whatever the case, consider your ileostomy an asshole detector. Kind of like the door test in the movie, "A Bronx Tale". Just to refresh everyone's memory or for those of you that haven't seen it, see the quote from the movie below.
Sonny: "Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get out of the car, you lock both doors. Then, get out of the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, dump her."
Calogero: "Just like that?"
Sonny: "Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast."
You have no idea how many women have failed that test...lol. Of course with modern technology with auto locks and whatnot, it kinda takes the fun out of it.
I wish you luck with your suitor. The sooner he knows, the sooner you can either have a great relationship, or move on to the man you're supposed to be with. We only go around this crazy world one time. Why waste time dwelling on the what-ifs? Just my 2 cents.
Bain