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Insulted by program “undatables”

Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:27 am
"This is the best website for people with an Ostomy, hands down. So much understanding. Everyone should join."

I recently watched a program on TV called “undatables” the program features people with disabilities. There was a lady who had an ileostomy and felt due to her pouch that she would never find love. The presenter explained that having a disfigurement meant the majority of men wouldn’t be interested in her.

I had my ileostomy when I was 18. Yes it was hard to get over it but never have I felt undatable! Maybe a challenge  but I’m a good as any one else! Yes I’ve met some nasty men who think it’s an eye sore having a plastic bad strapped to me but shame on him

I can wear nice underwear and hide me pouch, i once went on a dating site and enjoyed the fact that no one knew my secret. Who ever chooses to be with me has to be very special! Isn’t that a good thing? 

Dies everyone else feel that they are no different to any one else or is it just me who is confident and proud of my lil poop bag! 

To have a tv program advertising we are undatable is disgraceful? Or are we undatable? 

Tue Jun 18, 2019 12:30 pm

There is someone out there for everyone just waiting to be found 

MeetAnOstoMate - 26,891 members

Tue Jun 18, 2019 2:38 pm

I guess so!! Tick tock tick tock 

Tue Jun 18, 2019 2:40 pm

yes the clock always ticks

Tue Jun 18, 2019 3:28 pm

I've recently been through rounds of interviews looking for a new job, not once did anyone notice I have an ileostomy.  If I don't want someone to know, they won't.  I've seen people surprised when they found out I have one, after seeing me go about my business at work.  Dating could be a different challenge, because at some point the other person is going to find out.  If you can prove to appear as though everything is normal underneth, I like to think the vast majority of people would be willing to look past it.  This is where we as ostomates need to advocate for ourselves.  We are not dirty, or stinky, in a lot of cases we are healthier than we were before we had our ostomies done.  I don't like the negative stigma, but ultimatly it is our responsibility to show what we can still do and educate those around us so that they understand.

Tue Jun 18, 2019 3:40 pm

Here here!!!

i never realised this until five years after my op that I’m now a better person! We r very special people who have been given a chance in life! 

Tue Jun 18, 2019 6:40 pm

That is a big degrading! I have never been in the dating scene with an Ostomy and can imagine it to be somewhat difficult at times because of shallow people. My husband has UC. That is difficult too and I never blinked an eye! 

Shame on the TV program! We should all write them! Lol


Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:42 pm

Yes, that was a degradeable program! The nasty men are doing you a favor by letting you know up front what creeps they really are!

Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:05 am

Wish I was standing in front of that presenter so I could pull my top up and flash my bag and say "it's full of sh*t like you"!!! I've been around ileosostmys all life my dad had one long before I was born and I've had mine since I was 19, that was 30 years ago that makes me feel very old lol so I see them differently to how a lot of people do. Dad was the best example anyone could ever have to show you can do anything and more than someone who has a working colon! I've always been a bag man and proud of it!!! It's never got in the way of relationships in my younger days there may of been a few ocassions when I didn't have time to say I had an ostomy (blushing) lol and it wasn't a problem....I like to brag about my ileostomy on a few groups nothing to do with ostomys just for awarness not PITY!!! to show if anyone needs an ostomy in the future temporary or permanent they can live there life just the same as anyone with a colon does....and I know I'm the luckiest person in the world to be given anothr chance to live....1 Life live it never let a stoma rule your life 

Wed Jun 19, 2019 2:17 pm

I love the posts! Sometimes it is difficult for sure. But life is what you make of it. You have to go out and take some chances, and ladies you need to rely on a bit of feminine mystique. For most of us the operation was a godsend, but if you let it happen the trade off ends up being that it takes your audacity, your swagger, your feeling of being feminine. I love my close friends.....and my collection of sleek corsets!! 

Fri Jun 21, 2019 11:18 pm

This is so good to hear! I’ve had my urostomy since I can remember and ended up pretty depressed at different stages in my life thinking it’s not possible to have a partner or even be more outgoing, I’m 29 now and feel a lot different mostly because of a change of job and surrounding my self with different people, it great to know others can be this confident about having something similar. 

Sat Jun 22, 2019 5:39 am

Does every one have there stoma on the right side of the body, just wondered 😂 

Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:51 pm

My stoma was on my right side

Sun Jun 23, 2019 3:51 am

I seem to think most are

Sun Jun 23, 2019 6:22 pm

Mine is on the left!

Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:34 am

Thank you for that Puppy x

Mon Jun 24, 2019 8:17 am

My ileo. was on the right but i had resection surgery last april and now mine is on the left, after 30yrs. on the right it was awkward having it on the left.

Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:19 pm


Mon Jun 24, 2019 10:48 pm

Mine was on the right until after a failed reversal....it has been on the left for 18 years now.
i have an ileostomy.  cheers everyone!

Wed Jun 26, 2019 11:28 am

On the right

isnt it because of how the colon sits and the small bowel starts

im left handed so before my stoma nurse drew all over me with a circle on the right side in ink I was very tempted in rubbing it out with my finger!!!

Thu Jun 27, 2019 1:41 am

So it seems to the right well if anyone meets any one it should not get in the way so to speak 😏

Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:04 am

It's not just a matter of the ostomy. There will always be TV programs that are exploitative in order to try to catch an audience - and we all know who that audience is: people wo feel so bad about their OWN self-image, they need to see others they think of as "inferior" or "undatable" so they can feel better about themselves. In a way, it's a whole segment of the population that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my ostomy or my life. Life is too short to get upset about THOSE people! If you need to get it off your chest, write a letter to the show, stating that their show is demeaning, exploitative, insensitive, and bullying, and you are taking note of their advertisers and will avoid their products. Do NOT say it is because of labeling people with ostomies as undatable - it is because they are labeling ANYBODY as undatable. Because if you object to ostomates, but not to the others with disabilities being called that, you are being as insensitive as they are! I'll just bet somebody in a wheelchair right now is seething because they labeled a wheelchair-bound person "undatable"! And so on and so on, round and round. In a way, I feel sorry for those whose world is so constricted; mine certainly isn't! And, ps, my husband doesn't mind my ostomy a bit, and we have an active romantic life.

Thu Jun 27, 2019 12:24 pm

Usually ileostomies are on the right and colostomies are on the left.

Thu Jun 27, 2019 10:31 pm
You seem very sweet and nice, I'm sorry you are single, I'd be honored to be your date
Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:15 pm

You are gorgeous!  You remind me of a young woman I dated in college.  I think we have to be more outgoing than usual to get noticed sometimes.  I would date you in a heartbeat if we lived on the same  continent!

Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:42 pm

My urostomy stoma is on my left side. It used to be on my right side, but I had to have a complete revision and now it is on my left side.

Sat Jun 29, 2019 1:24 pm

This is nonsense. A pragmatic approach would be a good idea. Not all blokes will like the idea, ditch these & move on. Others will be curious, and others fine. There is a discussion as to when to mention it. I mentioned it when things were getting romantic (led to marriage). Orhers say mention early, I'd advise giving them a bit of time to get to know you as you. It may become apparent by illness and treatments etc, so those could be  a lead in. Do not appear obsessive about it, but laid back. Your approach to it may influence their approach. Hope this helps. 

Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:59 pm

Mine is on the right.   

Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:24 pm

Thanks Mariposa x

Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:17 am
Been on 5 dating sites! No problems with bag!
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