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Oct 25, 2020

Struggling with Life After Multiple Failed Surgeries

This topic is about a 66-year-old man who has faced significant challenges after undergoing an ileostomy in 2007. During the surgery, nerves to his bladder and groin were damaged, leading to the need for self-catheterization and causing erectile dysfunction, although his sexual desire remains. His wife divorced him in 2010, and he has been without a partner for the past decade. He feels frustrated and lonely, wondering if any woman would accept him given his medical conditions.

Here are some pieces of advice and insights that might help:

1. You are not alone. Many people have experienced partners leaving after serious illness or surgery. Feeling abandoned is common, but it does not reflect your worth.

2. Consider consulting your doctor or a urologist about treatments for erectile dysfunction. Options like phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors, such as Viagra, or other medical treatments might be helpful.

3. Remember that intimacy is more than just penetrative sex. Creativity, emotional connection, and mutual exploration can be fulfilling for both partners, even if erections are unreliable or absent.

4. Confidence and self-acceptance are important. Focus on what you can offer in a relationship, such as kindness, empathy, and life experience, rather than on perceived shortcomings.

5. Be honest with potential partners about your situation. Many women value a considerate and non-pushy companion more than perfect physical function.

6. Take risks and stay open to dating. Supportive and understanding partners do exist, and everyone brings their own challenges to a relationship.

7. Maintain a positive outlook. Keep looking, keep smiling, and remember that you deserve love and companionship.
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