This topic is about a man who has a urostomy and is looking for a local partner who also has an ostomy. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer in July 2011 and received a urostomy that same month. After his surgery, his scans remained clear, and routine scans were stopped after five years. His marriage ended in March 2012, and since then, he has been exploring ostomy resources and joined two dating sites specifically for ostomates.

Living in Vancouver, Canada, he finds it challenging to meet local female ostomates, as there are very few on the sites he uses, and many profiles lack photos. He feels most at ease when dating another ostomate, as relationships with non-ostomates often bring about insecurity and anxiety, especially when it comes to discussing his ostomy. At 53, with a stable career and two teenage daughters, he is not considering relocation or long-distance relationships. He hopes to find someone nearby for spontaneous, in-person companionship. He wonders where the local female ostomates are, given the number of surgeries performed each year, and fears many may be isolating themselves.

Here are some pieces of advice and insights for him:

1. Regularly check the website’s “Find Members ➔ Relationship Search” tool, as new members join over time.
2. Attend local ostomy support groups when they resume. Even if most attendees are older, they might know younger ostomates or organize events for mixed-age groups.
3. Broaden the dating pool by using mainstream dating apps and sites. Look for partners who are kind and compassionate and value more than just appearance.
4. Have “the talk” about your ostomy early and keep it brief. If someone isn’t accepting, it simply means they aren’t the right match.
5. Join online communities like the Facebook group “Singles with Stomas” to connect with ostomates worldwide.
6. Increase social exposure by pursuing hobbies and volunteer activities where women participate. Expanding your social circles can lead to unexpected connections.
7. Maintain confidence. Your ostomy gave you life, so be proud and project self-acceptance.
8. Expect some rejection and possible heartbreak, but view it as part of the process and keep moving forward.
9. Consider long-distance dating if a strong match appears, as some couples manage distance until circumstances change.
10. Remember that many non-ostomates aren’t bothered by a pouch. If someone is, they’re simply not the right match.
11. Keep a positive outlook. Many people have reported eventually finding partners after similar struggles.