This topic is about the challenges and self-confidence issues that can arise when dating with an ileostomy. The person sharing their experience has been living with an ileostomy since 2009 and finds it difficult to decide when and how to tell potential partners about it. They desire a partner who is kind, intelligent, curious, and experienced, someone who can see beyond the ostomy. After a promising long-distance relationship cooled off following her disclosure, she felt disappointed and lonely. Here are some insights and advice shared by others:

- She tries not to let the ostomy define her but worries it might for others. She felt it was necessary to disclose before meeting in person.
- The relationship ended, and she is now focusing on college, caring for her son, and her health. She is open to friendship but hesitant about dating.
- She is curious about where other ostomates meet partners online and plans to explore the Ostodate website.

Advice and insights from others include:

1. The right partner will not be bothered by an ostomy. Many have found acceptance and formed new relationships after surgery.
2. Confidence is crucial:
- Love yourself first. Feeling attractive, socializing, and projecting confidence can help others focus on who you are, not your pouch.
- Men often care more about personality and deeper connections than physical appearances.
3. Timing of disclosure:
- Some wait until emotional intimacy develops before explaining in a simple, matter-of-fact way.
- Others prefer to be upfront; if someone leaves after hearing, they weren't the right match.
4. A practical perspective suggests viewing new contacts as potential friends first. If deeper feelings develop, the bond will sustain the relationship.
5. Reframe the ostomy:
- Stop apologizing; it's just another part of you, like eye or hair color.
- Everyone has private issues, and there's no obligation to share immediately.
6. Online resources:
- Explore dating areas on ostomy forums and Ostodate.com, where some have successfully met partners.
- Match.com was humorously mentioned as lacking an "ostomy" checkbox.
7. Shared experience isn't everything:
- Two people with ostomies may not be compatible; chemistry and common interests are still important.
8. Encouragement:
- Your qualities—kindness, compassion, intelligence, and good conversation—are rare and valuable. Trust that someone will recognize them.