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41,405 members
Feb 22, 2009

Coping with Post-Surgery Fears and MS Challenges

This topic is about someone who is three weeks into recovery after having their bladder removed due to complications from multiple sclerosis, resulting in a urostomy. The person is feeling exhausted, isolated, and worried about how their body image and relationship with their husband will be affected. Here are some pieces of advice and insights that might help:

1. Recovery & Emotional Health
- Allow yourself time to heal; both your physical and mental strength will gradually return.
- It's normal to feel fatigued at this stage, so rest as much as you need.
- Crying can help release tension. Afterward, try to practice self-reassurance and self-compassion.
- Consider talking openly with your spouse, a counselor, or peers. Sharing your fears can help reduce feelings of isolation.

2. Relationship & Spousal Support
- Many partners are just relieved that their loved one is alive and healthier. Scars and the pouch often do not diminish their affection.
- Military spouses who had surgery while their partners were deployed have reported that their marriages remained strong.
- Honest conversations about feelings and practical concerns can help strengthen your connection.

3. Body Image & Intimacy Tips
- Wearing supportive undergarments like Spanx can help smooth the pouch under clothes and boost your confidence.
- In intimate situations:
- Crotchless panties can keep the appliance covered while allowing for intimacy.
- A short nightgown can be adjusted to hide the pouch while still looking attractive.
- Remember, you are more than the appliance; confidence is more important than the bag itself.

4. Appliance Management
- If you experience leakage, seek professional help, such as from a stoma nurse, to adjust products or fit. These problems can be solved.

5. Hope & Perspective
- Many people who have lived with an ostomy for years say that life, marriage, and even parenthood can become enjoyable again.
- Time, proper appliance care, and open communication are key factors in regaining a full life.
See full discusison
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