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Jan 14, 2020

Dating With A Colostomy As a Gay Man

Topic Explanation:
The discussion revolves around the challenges faced by a gay man with a colostomy, stemming from anal cancer treatment, in the dating world. He expresses his struggles with self-consciousness and the stigma associated with having a stoma, which has significantly impacted his dating life and intimate relationships. He mentions that revealing his colostomy often leads to a loss of interest from potential partners. The topic also touches on the financial and emotional difficulties of finding compatible partners who understand or share similar health challenges, particularly within the gay community.

Advice and Insights from Replies:
1. Empathy and Shared Experiences:
- Several respondents empathize with the original poster's situation, sharing that the revelation of a stoma often leads to similar experiences of rejection or disinterest from potential partners, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

2. Strategies for Dating and Disclosure:
- One suggestion is to delay disclosing the ostomy until a strong emotional connection is established, which might help in mitigating the impact of the revelation.
- Another approach discussed is using a "weight belt" or similar device to discreetly cover the colostomy during initial dates, only revealing the condition when a deeper relationship and trust are established.

3. Building Confidence and Self-Acceptance:
- It's advised to focus on self-confidence and to not let the colostomy define one's self-worth or desirability.
- Maintaining a positive outlook and being open about one's condition when the time feels right is recommended, as honesty can lead to deeper connections and acceptance.

4. Utilizing Specialized Dating Sites:
- Participants suggest using dating sites tailored for individuals with ostomies or similar medical conditions as these platforms can offer a more understanding and accepting community.
- Engaging more actively on platforms like Meetanostomate, despite previous reservations, as they can provide opportunities to connect with others facing similar challenges.

5. General Encouragement and Support:
- Many responses include general words of encouragement, urging the original poster not to give up on finding love and to continue reaching out and connecting with others, both for romantic and platonic relationships.
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