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Jun 11, 2023

Dates

The topic is about navigating the world of dating when you have an ostomy. It can be a bit daunting, especially when you're just a couple of months post-surgery and feeling a bit lonely. The main question is when and how to tell a potential partner about your ostomy. Here are some insights and advice from others who have been in similar situations:

1. Timing of Disclosure:
- There's no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people prefer to be upfront early on, maybe after the first or second date, to avoid prolonged anxiety and potential rejection.
- Others choose to wait until there's a genuine connection, believing that an emotional bond can lead to more understanding and acceptance.
- Some only disclose to partners who are likely to see them undressed, keeping things light and private with casual dates.
- A creative approach is to mention being a survivor in a positive way, like saying, “I’m a survivor and I’m rocking it,” and then elaborating if the person seems interested.

2. Be Prepared for Mixed Reactions:
- It's important to know that some people might walk away, but this can be a good way to filter out those who aren't right for you.
- Many people won't be bothered by it at all, and often, your confidence and attitude will matter more than the ostomy itself.

3. Build Self-Confidence First:
- Remember, the pouch doesn't define who you are. Engage in activities like hobbies, work, exercise, volunteering, or classes to feel complete and meet people naturally.
- Casual dating can help rebuild confidence after surgery or a breakup.

4. Practical Dating Tactics:
- Wear clothes that make you feel secure, like vests, until you're ready to share more.
- Plan for intimacy by preparing in advance, such as emptying or changing your pouch, choosing concealing lingerie, and using dim lighting.
- If you're feeling anxious, consider telling your date right away to avoid constant worry.

5. Mind-set Reminders:
- Remember, two months post-op is still early. Give yourself time to heal and adjust.
- Focus on finding kind and compassionate people, and be sure to ask about their lives and health too.
- Success in dating is more about chemistry, shared interests, and character than medical details.
- Keep looking for the right person; rejection can build resilience and save time in the long run.

6. Social-Connection Tips Outside Dating Apps:
- Consider joining junior-college or community classes, dance lessons, church groups, volunteer work, or sports activities. These are great places to meet people and start conversations naturally.
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