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Jun 24, 2025

Struggling with Partner's Reaction to My Ostomy

This topic is about a person who is facing challenges in their relationship after having a colostomy. After being together for 15 years, her partner expressed discomfort with her colostomy bag, which has deeply affected her self-esteem and made her question the future of their relationship. Here are some pieces of advice and insights that might help:

1. A loving partner should support you through thick and thin. If your partner is still struggling to accept your colostomy after three years, it might indicate deeper issues in the relationship. Many suggest considering ending the relationship if there is no improvement in support.

2. Before making any decisions, have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Try to understand what specifically makes him uncomfortable about intimacy and see if he is willing to work on these issues.

3. Consider seeking help from a counselor, either individually or as a couple. Professional guidance can help address fears related to the stoma or the appliance.

4. If you decide to leave the relationship, make sure to prepare yourself. This includes securing your finances, consulting a lawyer, arranging for housing, and building a support network.

5. Prioritize self-care. Remember that your ostomy saved your life. Focus on loving yourself, finding positive moments each day, and steering clear of depression.

6. Connect with others who understand your situation. Attend events like the UOAA national conference to meet people who can offer support and help you regain confidence. Engage with online communities where you can share experiences and advice.

7. Explore accessories that can help with intimacy and body image, such as a Stealth Belt or lingerie that covers the pouch. Experiment with different sexual positions to avoid putting pressure on the stoma.

8. Many people have shared stories of supportive partners who focus on the importance of survival and well-being. These stories show that empathy and understanding are out there.

9. Be aware that serious illnesses and ostomies can lead to the end of some relationships. You are not alone, and there are more compassionate partners out there.

10. Look into mental health resources like "The Cancer Roller Coaster" program, which offers free materials to help cope with fear and life changes after a major illness.

Ultimately, choose the path that brings you happiness and self-worth, whether that means repairing the relationship or moving on. Living alone can be more fulfilling than staying with someone who makes you feel ashamed.
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