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Aug 27, 2011

Dating with an ileostomy - Need advice on disclosure

The topic is about navigating the world of dating when you have an ileostomy. A single mother, who has been living with an ileostomy for two years, is looking to start dating again but is unsure about when and how to tell a new partner about her condition. She is also concerned about how potential partners might react and wonders if staying single might be easier. Here are some pieces of advice and insights shared by others:

1. Timing of Disclosure
- It's generally advised to wait until you know and trust the person before disclosing your ileostomy. It's not necessary to bring it up on a first date.
- Think of it like any other private medical issue; share it when intimacy is likely, not immediately.
- Some believe there's no reason to keep it a secret, but emphasize the importance of finding supportive people.

2. Confidence and Self-Image
- How you present your ileostomy can influence how your partner perceives it. If you treat it as a minor detail, they likely will too.
- Remember that surviving a serious illness is a sign of strength, and your stoma is part of that strength, not a flaw.
- Often, rejection is more about our own insecurities than others' reactions.

3. Practical Tips for Intimacy
- During early intimate moments, consider keeping a T-shirt on or securing the pouch to avoid drawing attention.
- Use a satin ostomy wrap-around cover or a simple band to conceal the pouch; these are comfortable and partner-friendly.
- Many people date, marry, or remarry without their partners ever seeing the appliance directly.

4. Meeting Potential Partners
- Stay socially active; the right person will come along.
- Consider joining local ostomy or IBD support groups where others already understand your situation.
- Fitness activities and everyday social settings are great for meeting people; one person goes to the gym regularly and no one comments.

5. Mindset Reminders
- Remember, none of us are perfect; an ostomy is just one small imperfection.
- Make a list of qualities you want in a partner and don't settle for less.
- Positive thinking and persistence are important; many have found loving relationships and even marriage after their surgery.

6. Encouragement
- You are an amazing and cherished creation; don't let anyone make you feel unworthy.
- Others have felt the same fears but have built successful, happy relationships, proving it can be done.
See full discusison
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