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40,880 members
Apr 16, 2012

Rejection after revealing my ileostomy - feeling hurt and alone

Topic Explanation:

The forum discussion revolves around the emotional experience of a gay man named Mickey, who feels hurt and alone after being rejected by a romantic interest upon revealing that he has had an ileostomy since he was 13 years old. Mickey shares his feelings of vulnerability and frustration, expressing that despite having lived with an ileostomy for 32 years, the pain of rejection remains significant.

Advice and Insights:

1. Understanding and Acceptance:
- Many people have found partners who accept them despite having an ostomy. It often depends on the person you meet and their level of understanding and empathy.
- Some individuals have successfully dated and even married people who were accepting of their ostomy.

2. Timing and Disclosure:
- There is no perfect time to disclose having an ostomy to a potential partner. It remains a personal decision and varies from person to person.
- Some people choose to disclose early in the relationship, while others wait until they feel more secure.

3. Perspective on Rejection:
- Rejection due to an ostomy is not uncommon, but it is important to remember that it reflects more on the other person's superficiality than on the individual with the ostomy.
- Being rejected by someone who cannot accept an ostomy might be a blessing in disguise, as it indicates they are not the right person.

4. Coping Strategies:
- Joining support groups or communities can provide a sense of belonging and understanding.
- Focusing on self-acceptance and viewing the ostomy as a "badge of survival" can help in building confidence.

5. Finding the Right Partner:
- Some suggest looking for partners in the healthcare profession, as they may be more understanding of medical conditions.
- Meeting other ostomates or individuals who have faced similar challenges can lead to more empathetic relationships.

6. Personal Experiences:
- Several individuals shared their personal stories of living with an ostomy, highlighting both challenges and successes in relationships.
- Some have found love with partners who also have ostomies, while others have faced rejection but continued to seek understanding partners.

7. Encouragement and Hope:
- Many participants encouraged Mickey not to give up hope, emphasizing that the right person will accept him for who he is.
- The importance of resilience and continuing to seek meaningful connections was highlighted.
See full discusison
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