This topic is about dealing with intimacy and self-image challenges after undergoing ostomy surgery. The person sharing their experience has been through several surgeries due to ulcerative colitis and now lives with a permanent stoma. Although their health and sexual performance have improved, they feel that marital intimacy has suffered. They worry that their spouse might not find them attractive anymore because of the pouch and are seeking advice from others who have faced similar situations.

Here are some helpful suggestions and insights:

1. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and any specific issues related to the ostomy appliance. Communication is key to understanding each other's perspectives.

2. Consider using ostomy waist wraps or stealth belts to help conceal the pouch and any scars during intimate moments. These are available online and can be a discreet way to feel more comfortable.

3. Rebuild closeness gradually by starting with non-sexual touching, cuddling, and engaging in psychosexual exercises. Reading books on sensate-focus and relationship intimacy can also be beneficial.

4. Keep in mind that changes in libido might be due to hormonal shifts, such as menopause or andropause. It might be helpful for both partners to have their hormone levels checked and explore options like bioidentical hormone therapy.

5. Ensure there are no underlying medical issues or fatigue affecting your spouse. Encouraging her to consult a physician could be a good step.

6. Plan a romantic getaway that is free from stress, even if it's just a local hotel stay with amenities like a hot tub or massage, to help rekindle your connection.

7. Be patient and supportive with each other. Prolonged illness can be stressful for both partners, so mutual understanding and empathy are essential.