This topic is about supporting a spouse who becomes depressed after one partner undergoes ileostomy surgery. The person sharing their experience is three weeks post-surgery and is dealing with their own recovery while noticing that their husband is struggling emotionally. They are seeking advice on how to help him and themselves adjust to this new reality. Here are some insights and advice shared by others:

1. Normalize the feelings
- It's common for both the patient and their spouse to experience post-surgical depression. Allow yourselves to grieve and recover at your own pace, even if it's just hour by hour.
- Remind each other that the surgery was meant to save or significantly improve health, and many people eventually feel better than they did before.

2. Acceptance and perspective
- Try to see the stoma as just a new way of going to the bathroom, not a loss of identity.
- Focus on positive thinking and celebrate small milestones to help both partners move forward.
- Avoid second-guessing the surgery and don't rush any reversal; prioritize healing first.

3. Education reduces fear
- Learn as much as you can about equipment, diet, skin care, and intimacy to reduce anxiety for both partners.
- Useful resources include UOAA.org for literature and local support-group contacts.

4. Give the caregiver a place to vent
- Encourage the spouse to attend support groups, talk with friends or family, or connect with another ostomate’s partner.
- Remember that talking about feelings is a strength, not a weakness.

5. "Mr. Fix-It" dilemma
- Many partners, especially men, feel depressed when they can't solve the problem. Acknowledge this and reassure him that simply being there is valuable.
- Creative expression, like journaling, can help channel feelings when there's nothing practical to do.

6. Diet and lifestyle reassurance
- Low-residue diet restrictions are usually temporary, and most people can gradually expand their menu as they heal.
- Many long-term ostomates report returning to normal or near-normal diets, with caution for certain foods like nuts and popcorn.

7. Intimacy and body image
- Once cleared for activity, everything can work as before. Using pouch covers or bands can help you feel more secure during intimate moments.
- Items like Ostomy Secrets Stretchy Wrap/Band or simple skin-colored belly bands can be helpful.

8. Humor and positivity
- Laughter and humor can help diffuse tension. One member is even writing a humorous book about their experience for comic relief.

9. Long-term outlook
- Many long-term ostomates emphasize that life becomes routine over time, and partners adjust as confidence and health improve.

10. Encourage professional help if depression persists
- Individual or couples counseling, and medication if needed, can be important complements to peer support.