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Nov 26, 2018

Boyfriend's Acceptance Issues - Need Advice

This topic is about a person who recently had an emergency ileostomy due to severe ulcerative colitis and is now facing challenges in her relationship. Her boyfriend's behavior has changed since the surgery, and she is unsure if the relationship is worth saving. Here are some pieces of advice and insights shared by others:

- Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend. It's important to get a clear answer about whether he can truly commit to the relationship. This will help both of you decide if it's time to move on.

- Allow him some time and space to adjust, but understand that you cannot force him to accept the stoma. If he remains uncertain, it might be better to end the relationship rather than live with ongoing doubt.

- Remember that his struggle is not a reflection of your worth. Some people may leave their partners over an ostomy, while others will embrace it. Don't take on his fears or selfishness as your own burden.

- Focus on taking care of yourself and your recovery:
1. Avoid lifting heavy items for several months, as many ostomates develop hernias.
2. Consider wearing a stretchy stoma support belt when being active.
3. Stay well-hydrated and learn about your new dietary needs. Be cautious with high-fat foods like cheese, as they can trigger pancreatitis.

- There are practical ways to make both of you more comfortable:
1. Switch from clear, rustling pouches to opaque, cloth-covered bags that are quieter.
2. Use body wraps or ostomy underwear to conceal the pouch.
3. Lighten the mood by giving the stoma a fun name and joking about any unexpected noises.

- Re-establish communication habits by having frequent, short conversations about how each of you feels. Men often find it hard to express emotions, but they can adapt over time if the dialogue remains open.

- Consider his reliability for the future. If he struggles with this situation, he might not handle bigger challenges well. You deserve a partner who supports you through tough times, not one who leaves at the first sign of difficulty.

- Know that fulfilling relationships after an ostomy are possible. Many people have found accepting partners later on. Don't spend years waiting for someone who is unwilling to grow. Leave gracefully, maintain your dignity, and stay open to new love.
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