It takes a lot of courage to share this and I admire you for doing that. So many of us have experienced a negative reaction from our partner, or others, and just suffered in silence.
Like you I had an emergency operation so there was no time discuss and get used to the idea beforehand. I remember asking the doctors to phone my partner when the op was finished, which turned out to be in the early morning hours, but not to tell him about the stoma bag I was expected to have. I knew instinctively that was going to be a very difficult sensitive conversation, which only I could do.
It is a tremendous shock for people, and strangely dealing with other people's reactions can often be much harder than dealing with it yourself.(The same is often true of other things I found e.g. cancer). I think how someone reacts reflects their own deeply seated fears. Ultimately you cannot make someone accept it, they have to get there in their own time & way. Sometimes they never do, which is very sad.
How was your partner told initially? Were you given the opportunity to explain it gently to him, or did he hear the 'brutal' facts from a doctor or nurse?
In my case the conversation with my partner went well and he was a fantastic help in every way, except in reality he never wanted to actually see the colostomy bag stuck on me. Hence the use of body wraps etc.
I took time to show him and other close family members and friends what the colostomy bags look like, and explained how they stick on etc. Mostly people are surprised/ relieved that the bags are very discreet and neat. I must admit I was too when I first saw one. Above all I found that 'comedy' was the best way of helping others get over their fear/ embarassment. For example, like many people do, I gave my stoma a 'cartoon' name (mine was 'Stuey the Stoma'). If you treat/ refer to the stoma like it is almost a person, they become 'part of the family'. And folks are relieved to be able to smile/ have a laugh if you make a joke about a sudden unexpected noise, or tell a tale about a stoma 'incident'.
I gradually realised however, that my partner could only really cope with the physical reality of it by clinging on to the hope that it was only temporary. Luckily it was only temporary as it turned out, as I have been very fortunate to recently have a reversal. However, this so easily could not have been the case and I definitely felt that I would need to have very frank conversations about the future with him if this did not happen.
You can't carry someone else's load of fears and worries. You have so much to work through yourself. It has only been 5 weeks and you need to be kind to yourself and take one step at a time. I'm not being funny, but how about him cooking dinner for you?! No way should you be lifting heavy objects for ages. 50% of stoma patients get hernias from lifting things too soon. Always wear a stretchy stoma support belt and don't be shy asking folks for help. You will soon find out who your real friends are.
So most importantly take good care of yourself, it's early days yet. Your partner will come back if and when he's ready. Meanwhile, focus on getting well & strong, plenty of fresh air & exercise, and having some fun/ laughter with your family or mates. My best wishes. x