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Mar 18, 2019

Wife's Struggles with Stoma - Need Advice on Saving Our Marriage

This topic is about a husband who has been living with a colostomy due to cancer surgery and the challenges he and his wife are facing. They have been married for ten years and have two children. Since the surgery, he has experienced several bowel blockages and nighttime leaks, which have caused stress and worry for both him and his wife. The wife is particularly concerned about leaks during sleep and intimacy, and this has put a strain on their marriage. The husband is seeking advice and support to help maintain their relationship.

Here are some helpful suggestions and insights shared by others:

1. Irrigation
- Consider trying colostomy irrigation, which can help manage output and reduce the risk of leaks. It might allow for 24–48 hours without leaks.
- If advised against irrigation, seek a second opinion, as some healthcare providers may not fully support it due to supply sales.
- Look for online instructional videos and consult with a surgeon or another ostomy nurse. Many have found that irrigation significantly improved their quality of life.
- After establishing a routine, you can use irrigation sleeves, caps, or plugs.

2. Sleep and Bed Arrangements
- Consider separate bedrooms, single beds pushed together, or twin beds in the same room to minimize disturbances and make cleanup easier if a leak occurs.
- Use a towel on the bed during the adjustment period to protect bedding.

3. Night-Time Management
- Avoid heavy meals after 3 p.m. and maintain a regular eating schedule to help manage output before bedtime.
- Set an alarm, such as at 4 a.m., to empty the pouch, which can help prevent accidents.

4. Diet and Output Control
- Chew food thoroughly and avoid foods that may cause diarrhea. Consistent mealtimes can help regulate output.

5. Support Garments and Accessories
- Consider using support garments like Ostomy Secrets girdles, Nu-Hope hernia belts, and Ostomy Armor Waste Wicks to stabilize the pouch and manage small leaks.
- Wax rings can improve barrier adhesion.
- Women's tube tops or wraps can help hold the pouch securely.
- Custom pouch covers are available online for discretion during intimacy.
- Always carry a small bag with spare supplies.

6. Skin Care
- Use Topicort Gel (prescription) or over-the-counter Calamine Lotion for irritated skin around the stoma when barriers won't adhere properly.

7. Product and Professional Resources
- "The Ostomy Center" in Kansas City is recommended for personalized advice.
- Contact your supply company for different pouches, barrier types, and adhesive sprays to address fit issues.

8. Relationship and Emotional Support
- Understand that adjustment takes time for both partners. Involve your spouse in discussions, ask what she needs, and consider counseling or support groups.
- Remember the importance of mutual support and communication in a marriage. Many couples successfully adapt by working together to find solutions.
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