Ostomy Memories Titters Derisively

HenryM · 2020-09-09T08:17:44-04:00

It has recently come to my attention, on this very website, that some of you – people that I previously assumed were reasonable, serious people – have actually assigned human names to your stomas. Really?? You have named your stoma?? I’ve had this ileostomy since effin 1964, and it has never occurred to me to do such a thing. I must say, with all due respect, that I find this to be perhaps the grossest, most flagrant act of anthropomorphistic nonsense ever. I’m assuming that these are the same ones of you that, upon awakening, say “Good morning, Larry” to your big toe. And you men, do you call your penis Harry Houdini for his post-coital disappearing act? [That, of course, would require you to have actual post-coital experiences.] And ladies, when is the last time that you referred to your breasts as ZsaZsa and Eva? Or Nadine and Maybellene (R.I.P. Chuck Berry). I suppose I must admit that I have a cat named Bart (as opposed to Fluffy or Blackie or some other obviously feline moniker), but in my own defense I must say that Bart is short for his full name, BartholoMEW. Perhaps attributing human characteristics to non-human objects [you’re going to argue that your stoma is human, but I don’t buy that] is an age-old method of coming to grips with the inhumanity of contemporary reality. I’m willing to guess that there were no 19th Century ostomy surgeries. It is true, as well, that aside from the positive wonders of 21st Century technology [we are on the Internet, after all], it can be severely dehumanizing. Just for kicks, here’s the final paragraph of George Orwell’s 1984: “He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark mustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-soaked tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”

Scuba_diver1972

Jan 04, 2021 1:30 am

I, as to the point of naming, feel neither for nor against, but the point be taken: my ex-husband felt the need to notice it after surgery, slightly lumpy and to one side, thus it shall be named "The Loppy Tomato." So yes, it was named, no, not by me, and so it shall be forever my Loppy Tomato!

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2nd Chance @ Life

Feb 13, 2022 11:30 pm

Reply to lovely

Bob Hope and Queen Elizabeth are/were ostomates.

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nancykorczynski58

Dec 05, 2022 8:13 pm

Reply to xnine

I named mine JOSÉ only because I was told that it was the easiest way to identify and accept it. But as far as I'm concerned, JOSÉ was invading my space and how it's about to change my life. To each his own. I feel better now that JOSÉ has been deported, if you get my drift.

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Carol N

Dec 05, 2022 11:21 pm

Rumored to be a goat bladder.

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Coping With Ostomy Surgery Anxiety — 5 Tips For Caregivers

Hollister

Ostomy surgery is stressful both for the patient and the caregiver, and creates a major life change for both people in a relationship.

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Carol N

Dec 05, 2022 11:25 pm

Reply to lovely

So did William Powell, Red Skelton. I never realized just how many people in this world have an ostomy!

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My Ostomy Journey: Kimberly | Hollister

Anonymous

Dec 06, 2022 7:43 am

It never occurred to me either to name mine but it seems it helps some people get used to having one (?) Mine does however get called many unprintable names when it starts spurting when I'm trying to change the bag; like this morning - all cleaned and dried, barrier spray applied, and then as I approach with new bag.......Vesuvius erupts

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Justbreathe

Dec 06, 2022 1:08 pm

Hmmm...would you even consider riding through the desert on a horse with no name?

It has only been 2 years and 4 months since I acquired my stoma, and already I am considering going to court to have Seymour's name changed to Vesuvius. jb

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