Coming to Terms with a Permanent Colostomy

I've had a stoma for almost 3 years. I started out with the ileostomy with the mindset of "temporary solution." I honestly believed that things were going to work out and that I would be able to start living my life as I had before cancer. I cried and cried, just asking why and how. I need to know how to accept this colostomy for surviving colon cancer, but instead, I see it as me losing the battle.

Well, I would say it's a win if you're still above ground…😁

Hello cassmiller127.
We all have our own ways/methods of dealing with and managing life's adversities. My own strategy is to write down in rhyme the things that are bothering me (or others). This helps to put things in perspective and nudges me away from negativity and depression towards 'acceptance'.

I have documented this subject in rhyme several times, which in dicates just how hard it can be to come to terms with it. One of my rhymes below might give some indication as to how I tried to ework through this concept. 
One of the ways to view this situation is to see it as a form of 'trauma' and then the after-effects may be easier viewed as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Sometimes this condition can be dealt with ourselves, but some people will need psychological and emotional help from friends or skilled 'professionals'. 
I'll post one of my rhymes on 'acceptance' so that you might understand some of the tthings I was tellinng myself during the many hours of conversations within myself.
Best wishes

Bill 

 ACCEPTANCE 2.

Acceptance can mean quite a lot.
Recalling what was long forgot.
To accept simply affirms.
That you might well have come to terms.

Coming to terms is a process.
And a step towards success.
This process is a basic fact.
Of the way we interact.

It doesn’t need a skilful sleuth.
To help us realise the truth.
If we accept we’ll tolerate.
And then we might cooperate.

Acceptance as a strategy.
Can raise you to an apogee.
For with successful tides you’re swept.
Every time that you accept.

Relax and take things as they come.
Don’t get caught up in a scrum.
Try to be less discontented.
Problems can be circumvented.

Acceptance means you don’t force change.
You let things gently rearrange.
If you’re at one and in accord.
Acceptance is its own reward.

If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
That way we all might benefit.
There’s ladders you don’t have to climb.
And things won’t be right for all the time.

View acceptance as a strength.
Understand its width and length.
You use acceptance as a skill.
And you could step from life’s treadmill.

                                    B. Withers 2012

(in: 'A Thesis on Constructive Conversations - Inversed' 2012)

You're alive; you have the greatest gift of all: to see your family grow up and all those new memories you can make with them. I know it's not as easy as it sounds; all of us see and accept life changes in our own way and time. Try some counseling/therapy; it can help some, or just take time to learn to live with a stoma and later accept it. Personally, I think you're doing better than you realize. You're admitting how you're feeling; that shows you want to get better. So many hide their true feelings instead of getting it all out so they can move forward with their life.

I am thankful every day to be here for my kids. I couldn't be happier as I recently learned I'm going to be a grandma! I think it's harder for me to accept the colostomy because I already struggled with my appearance and self-love and most definitely feel like I stand out. I am also very insecure due to childish remarks of being called gross and talking bad about having a bag. It sickens me how some treat others and have no idea of the story behind it, the strength that it takes to fight cancer, a strength no one else has without cancer. I am working on having no shame because I am a survivor. I was chosen for this journey because only I could get through it (out of all the people I know that could've gotten it). It's nothing to be ashamed of; you're absolutely right, and I thank you for your positivity and your support.

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

👍There ya go!

Yep, we've all got places to go and people who need us; you'll get there in your own time.

All you get from looking backward is a sore neck 😃

Hi Cass, you've got a lot to look forward to with kids and a grandbaby on the way, so that ostomy is just a small part of your daily life. Maybe get in some retail therapy and go shopping for baby things.

Your story of surviving cancer resonates with me as I am a two-time, hopefully three-time cancer survivor myself. There are many members of this group who have dealt with or are currently dealing with cancer, and you are right, it takes a toll. It takes courage, strength, and resolve, and you made it through!!

I have a colostomy not due to cancer but due to pelvic radiation I underwent for cervical cancer, which left my colon in shreds. This caused a fistula to form, which I still deal with today and will most likely for the rest of my life.

All of us on this site have had those feelings you describe. I write in my profile that even after all I have been through with my cancer diagnoses, treatments, etc., that this colostomy was harder to accept.

In time, you will become more comfortable with this new normal. I know it might not seem like it now, but it will happen.

Acceptance and letting go of how things once were is very freeing and will soothe your soul. Stick around and ask questions/vent, whatever you feel you need to do.

We are all here for you, ready to help in any way we can.

Welcome to the site and the world of ostomates... a club no one wanted to join.

We all struggle sometimes. I am a two-time cancer survivor. Rectal cancer left me with a colostomy and a urostomy. I focus on being happy to be alive.

When I was in my 30s, I also struggled with self-esteem and found counseling very helpful. You may wish to consider some help so you can truly enjoy the life you've fought for.

You are still alive; I call that a win.

G-Day cassmiller,

Everyone in this group is a winner; some don't believe it yet, but they will.

One day at a time will get better and better.

Regards, IGGIE

Hey Cass, sometimes we go through things in life and don't understand why, but it's not always up to us to figure it out. God knows all. You may be going through a lot of this because somewhere down the road you will be there for someone who is going through the same thing, and you will be able to help them. Cass, you are stronger than you think. Remember, God loves you, and I am praying for you. 🙏🙏🙏

Sometimes we do indeed feel the loss rather than the gratefulness of our stage wins .....

We are all batting for you, Cass - for you have won through and are still very much 'in the game' - albeit pausing and currently finding acceptance hard ......

Having 'played the game' so far - and 'having come through,' Cass, please have trust in yourself and try not to focus on the 'let down' of winding up with a bag.

Time is different for each stage of our journeys - and how we feel along the road .....

You have found a site with many members - all unique and learning as we share and progress our lives ......

Sending you warm thoughts - and urging you to actually 'allow yourself' a time to breathe deeply, and gently make room for every new day - with an open mind.

Yes, it's hard, and while some of us have a long life with our bags - there are times when we dream of not having one - I am a case in point on this ....... but, at the end of the day, we have more to give - and focusing outside of ourselves can help enormously.

Sending best thoughts

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ waves from the green hills of Mid Wales ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jayne

Hi Cass. I'm so sorry you feel so bad about the colostomy - do you see it as something ruining your life? There is a cliché of people saying "I don't like it, but it saved my life," which I always find annoying, but there is truth in it. The stoma is a sign of you having defeated the disease. Can you begin to look at it as a 'badge of honor' or a 'victory medal' perhaps? This may sound a bit childish, but it is those things.

I've had a stoma nearly a year now. For my part, the only way forward is to accept what has happened to me. I have to accept that I will never go back to the health I had before the operation. Instead, I have to find gratitude for not having the disease and celebrate small wins and what I can do, and the fact that those I love are also free of disease.

Take care, P