A Series of Unfortunate Events: My Day in the Countryside

Maryallison · 2010-01-15T14:51:06-05:00

My childhood friend Connie called me yesterday and asked me if I would like to meet her for lunch in my hometown. Absolutely, so off I went, leaving my cellphone charging at home at the ready for any emergency which might come my way. I came to a roundabout in the middle of the Iowa countryside (unbelievable choice of a site). While cruising along and deciding which route to take, the laws of physics took over and hurled me over the edge of the highway, over a ditch, and I flew like an eagle a long way into a field near a schoolhouse where children were enjoying noon recess and watching the funny lady in the car. An angel (very handsome man...as a widow I have a special appreciation for a handsome man...with a cell phone) came along, contacted help and the wait began. After what seemed like forever a very fat sheriff appeared looking at my car tracks and determining that I must have been going very fast and deciding whether to ticket me. Then the tow truck slowly drove up and after a substantial amount of time relieved me of $150.00 to pull me out. The sheriff decided I had suffered enough so he would let me off with a verbal warning. Connie had left the restaurant so I went to the nursing home where her mother lives and we had our visit. I decided to go to the restaurant for a sandwich before going home. I gave thought to emptying my bag before leaving but since I had been stupid all day, why change now? As I drove home I could feel the bag growing like an old zucchini and tugging my stoma like a nursing child. I am hoping against hope but alas, came that moment of warm wet relief as crap flowed into my pants and coat. When I went to bed I curled up into the arms of God (as a widow he is my Husband) and thanked him for getting me home at last. Today I am staying in and am not planning to leave soon.

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baggette

Apr 09, 2011 4:59 pm

'Twas a truly crappy day - but thankful no one was hurt. Here's to way better days from this moment forward!

{{{Hugs Maryallison}}}

PS Did anyone notice the lion or lioness behind the woman squatting? Eek! What a way to go!

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