Hello Time To Grow.
Oh yes! I can definitely relate to the âproblemâ.
Thanks for this post as it raises an interesting dilemma with regards to what we say to children and what we hold back or disguise.
I feel that it is up to each individual and family to decide how to deal with these things in the most appropriate way for children to be informed but not put off by whatever we say. However, in our family, it has been a long tradition throughout the generations, to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to our children and grandchildren. So, when one of my grandchildren burst into the bathroom and said, âWhatâs that?â My response was simply, and unemotionally to say: âItâs called stoma -Do you want to know more?â When she answered in the affirmative, I suggested that she wait for a few minutes with her mother while I finished in the bathroom and I would come and explain it to her.
With the permission of my daughter, I proceeded to explain to my granddaughter exactly what it was and how useful it could be, as well as why her mother had told her several times - âNot to jump on grandadâs tummy -as it might do the stoma some harm.â Once it was all explained, she seemed to lose interest and has never brought the subject up again. None of us felt that it had any adverse effect on our relationships or on her ability to cope with this sort of information.
It is interesting to note that she often comes to âgrandadâ to ask questions, and she tells me she prefers my answers to those of other people, because I will âtell it as it isâ â rather than try to hide things from her. It still doesnât stop her jumping all over her granddad, so I presume she has either forgotten that the stoma is still there or feels that I am fair-game to be jumped upon no matter what!
I feel that these things need to be put into the context of personal preferences both for the individuals concerned and the family. For us, it is important for us all to know that we can speak openly on almost any subject without being adversely judged for doing so. The children are taught at a very early age, that if they donât want to know the âtruthâ â then donât ask granddad. As he can be a right damper on concepts such as Father Christmas and Halloween celebrations. Mind you! He can make up for it on occasions such as birthdays, Hogmanay, the winter solstice or almost any day of the week that the kids want to have fun.
I have found that most children will adapt very quickly to whatever comes their way and they are even quicker at sussing out who is telling them the truth and treating them like intelligent, independent entities and who is treating them like dependent, âignorantâ children.
On the other hand, if something is really tricky to explain, I will often make up a rhyme to cover the subject. This way, it seems to take the seriousness out of things and make it more palatable.
Best wishes
Bill