Ostomy Memories Titters Derisively

It has recently come to my attention, on this very website, that some of you – people that I previously assumed were reasonable, serious people – have actually assigned human names to your stomas. Really?? You have named your stoma?? I’ve had this ileostomy since effin 1964, and it has never occurred to me to do such a thing. I must say, with all due respect, that I find this to be perhaps the grossest, most flagrant act of anthropomorphistic nonsense ever. I’m assuming that these are the same ones of you that, upon awakening, say “Good morning, Larry” to your big toe. And you men, do you call your penis Harry Houdini for his post-coital disappearing act? [That, of course, would require you to have actual post-coital experiences.] And ladies, when is the last time that you referred to your breasts as ZsaZsa and Eva? Or Nadine and Maybellene (R.I.P. Chuck Berry). I suppose I must admit that I have a cat named Bart (as opposed to Fluffy or Blackie or some other obviously feline moniker), but in my own defense I must say that Bart is short for his full name, BartholoMEW. Perhaps attributing human characteristics to non-human objects [you’re going to argue that your stoma is human, but I don’t buy that] is an age-old method of coming to grips with the inhumanity of contemporary reality. I’m willing to guess that there were no 19th Century ostomy surgeries. It is true, as well, that aside from the positive wonders of 21st Century technology [we are on the Internet, after all], it can be severely dehumanizing. Just for kicks, here’s the final paragraph of George Orwell’s 1984: “He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark mustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-soaked tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”

You have stirred the pot but I generally agree with you. I read somewhere that naming your stoma was a good thing, helped with acceptance. I did not buy into that. I have a stoma with no-name.

Hopefully, no one had their sense of humor removed along with their colon... 

Henry, I have been known to refer to my breasts as "the girls", but I haven't gone so far as to give them names. But your point is well taken. I did, as I said in another post, name my stoma right after surgery, although I haven't used the name in a long time. I wonder if it was a way of coping with this new "thing " that seemed to have a life of its own? It was a demanding, noisy, ill mannered child in the early days, and I certainly had difficulty claiming the thing as my own. I would never behave so badly, and was constantly embarrassed by its attention seeking behaviour. Time has passed. We have fashioned a sort of truce. I have come to better understand the thing, and its needs, and it interrupts my life less frequently than it did. I have, begrudgingly, come to admit that the "thing " is actually a part of me, so no need for a separate name for it now. Interesting and thought provoking post, Henry, as always.

Laurie

By the way, I have heard that Napoleon had an ostomy, but I haven't fact checked it. What on earth would he have used for an appliance?

Laurie

How to Adjust to Life with an Ostomy with Bruce | Hollister

Really?  I'll guess some kind of small animal hide, held on with a makeshift belt.  That would give a whole new meaning to Waterloo...   

Yes, mine too calmed down dramatically over the years, adopting a sort of live-and-let-live attitude.  We all come eventually to an understanding with our personal antagonists, eh?  

I would say to each his or her own. Why should it matter to anyone else if someone chooses to name it? I have not named mine, but if I did, what difference should it make to anyone else?

Of course it makes no difference, Lovely.  I'm just trying to have a little fun with it, my dear. 

The quick research I did re Napoleon indicates he had horrendously incompetent medical care, but no ostomy.  Anyone interested in researching the history of ostomy surgery can check out the following website:  https://www.nursingcenter.com/journalarticle?Article_ID=767816 

Hi Henry, You are up to your usual funny and cheeky self today but you do make some astute observations. I thought it seemed silly and strange to name your stoma until one lady related how it came in handy when out in public with friends and you needed to excuse yourself suddenly to be able to say to them "Suzy is acting up and I need to go deal with her". Anyone overhearing the conversation wouldn't give it a second thought, makes sense. I have not been tempted to name mine, mainly because I've already had two different ones and am about to have a third. It would be a bit tiring to have to come up with names for them all and I feel like I'm just 'renting' for now anyway. Maybe once I get the one and only one I'm going to stick with I will change my mind, we'll see...

Regards,

Terry

Sorry, Lovely, but I thought the humor was obvious.  

You sound like Liz Taylor going through husbands, Terry.  Hang in there.  

Don't worry, Lovely. Henry is just trying to get us to laugh at ourselves a bit. When you stop and think about it, it is kind of odd that we would name only one part of our bodies - I just never really thought about it before. But now he has me considering naming the girls. Now let me see... Dolly? Jayne? Sophia? Tough choice! 

Laurie

Hi Henry. I'm trying to reply sensibly to your post, but it's going to take some time finding the definition of the word "anthropomorphistic." I didn't name my stoma because it's the only one I have, and if I refer to it, I call it "my F'n stoma." It knows who it is.
The rest of your post is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.
Mike

Thanks, Henry, for providing the article on the history of the colonoscopy. I have been looking for an article like this. My father is going to be 91 in October and has had his ileostomy for 70 years. Reading that article, he would have been one of the first using the method that was developed in the 1950s. He had his done in 1951, I believe. It gave him a wonderful life in Rhodesia and for the last 15 years in New Zealand.

Many people do name their stomas. I'm on a Facebook ladies' support group, and many ladies do have names for theirs. I totally think it's helping in the acceptance of this new thing into our lives, which indeed seems to have a mind of its own at times.

I have to agree. My stoma is my stoma, just another part of me. All my other parts go nameless as well. I'm not ashamed of it, nor do I flaunt it. Only my close family even knows about it.

That's just me.

Dwight Eisenhower, Fred Astaire, had ostomies and it has been long rumored that The Queen Mother had a colostomy as a result of being diagnosed with colon cancer in 1967.

Actually, Henry, the naming of the "Rose Bud" has always driven me up the wall. Many people in the ostomy group I used to belong to would use names, and it would really make me shudder. Do non-ostomates name their assholes? I think not. I've had my ostomy since 1978 and have learned to deal with it, not talk to it or buy it a beer. Just my 2 cents.

I couldn't agree more, Dave.  

Hi to Henry and all our other "ostomate" friends,

When I first joined this site, I was really surprised that so many people named their stoma. Like Henry, I've had mine for over 50+ years, and while I've muttered under my breath, calling it "it", and you, and occasionally, you "stupid ass" (I love that one), I never did bless it with a name. In the Jewish community, we have a naming ceremony when a baby is born, or the "kid" is named at his "Bris". That wouldn't be appropriate. I met a young girl (my age) who was having her ostomy done in PA, while I was in NY and she named him "George"... One of our mates calls herself, Rosie's mom... That's apt, considering how many times she will change "her" in her lifetime... Lady Hope, named hers "Stanly"... I'm truly sorry I never officially "named my stoma". We even give our pets appropriate names, and we spend a lot of time and "loving" attention on our "Belly Butt"... I appropriated that name from someone else. Sorry Henry,... I think naming our stoma, gives it/and us an identity, and personifies it as an official, if new part of us. Many of us ladies, refer to our breasts, as "our girls". I know mine like to breathe free, after a long day of being packaged up. And others even give "cute names to our respective vaginas VJJ thanks to Oprah, or other more inventive ones like "WhoHa", or K'diddle... If we can name or poke fun, at something so life-changing as a piece of intestine on our belly, then we are reducing it to a manageable, personified part of ourselves... I can't believe that many of you guys never gave a name to your "protruding part". It would be so nice of you to share... despite Henry's somewhat cynical reaction. It's the lighter side of life... Best regards all, and to my Jewish "Mates"......have a very Happy and Healthy New Year.... L'Shanah Tovah. Marsha.

Interesting topic. Before I had my surgery, I heard about people naming their ostomies and I thought up some names for mine. Then I had the surgery and thought this entity was evil and cruel even though it saved my life. No names were given. But I can see where people would want to give a name - it does seem to have a mind of its own sometimes! Over time, I have accepted that it is a part of me and I view it as an organic prosthesis. That, more than anything, helped me accept it as part of me, like any other body part, and no names are required other than what it is: ostomy.

How apt:  an organic prosthesis.  Thanks for your comment.

If we have 78 organs and 12 other body parts, it can become quite difficult to name them appropriately. Just the teeth alone, all 32 can be considered one part. As a Roman Catholic, we're supposed to use only Christian names, so a tooth named “Bucky” or “Fang” wouldn't be acceptable. Maybe, with an appropriate donation, we could get a dispensation to use nicknames. I'm wondering how our things got names to begin with. Were the scientists Christians? Probably not. I never heard of a Saint Lung or Saint Spleen. There must've been some arguing when it got to parts like kids' knees versus kidneys. A liver? It takes all the parts to make us a liver. Otherwise, we would be die-ers or just dead.
I never expected to be involved with this activity, but it's another way of not thinking about my F'n stoma.
Respectfully,
Mike

I had my stoma surgery while still a teenager, 33 years ago. At that time, I was given a book that suggested naming could help with acceptance. For me, a "normal" name didn't seem to fit. I couldn't imagine George, Lucy, or Silvia, etc. After a few months, I named my stoma Lancelot. He (don't ask why my intestines are male when I am female - it fit my narrative) was my knight who saved me from the evil clutches of ulcerative colitis. I was a teenager with a flair for the dramatic. Naming allows some folks to talk openly where they otherwise wouldn't, i.e., "Lucy was being a bugger yesterday." For some folks, it could help with acceptance. I can also see how for some, it might have the opposite effect and create a disconnect. Mind you, haven't we all had occasions where we wished we could leave "George" at home?

Now, I was 100% all in and ready for my surgery, with zero adjustment period. After years of suffering with UC, I initiated the surgery discussion. As soon as I could manage my supplies on my own without the stoma nurse hanging around, I was fine. Two years after my original surgery, I also initiated the "let's make this permanent," much to the dismay of my GI guy. I know Lancelot is part of me, very much so, and I accept him fully.

I have met folks who name, and folks who don't, and I say as long as it doesn't create that unhealthy disconnect. Have fun with it! :) You do you, as they say!

In 1971, after my operation, I was asked by the nurses what I was going to call my stoma. This seemed a very strange idea to me, and that is why to this day mine has no name, although it does christen itself all day long and all night long every ruddy day, and therefore has been called many different names over its soon-to-be 50 years, all of which are rude.

Funny! When I was lying in the hospital after surgery, my next bed neighbor's name was Bruce. He had the loadest stoma I've ever heard. Seemed he could eat anything right after surgery. He was a rude, cantankerous old buzzard who yelled and argued with the nurses and aides. So when my stoma acted up I started calling it Bruce and even Bruce thought it was funny. I don't really use the name but occasionally my wife refers to "Bruce". What an A-hole he is/was!

My ex-husband named mine one night as I was doing my bag change, and at that time it was quite round but also seemed a little droopy... thus the name "Loppy Tomato" was born...lol. Needless to say, the name stuck, and although we are no longer married, he and I still communicate and he asks, "How is Loppy Tomato?" 
Chuckle 

Happy New Year to you! But anyway, why name it? I named mine Haooy; anyway, everyone is different. nbsp

1964 was my year. I was born. Hope you're well and staying safe! Must ask you, do you have pain or hernia? What do you do if you do? But anyway, I'm not here a lot because of a couple of people who were really ignorant, but I wanted to wish EVERYONE a very happy Happy New Year! nbsp
By the way... my stoma, his name is... Hppy (Happy)!