Ostomy Memories of Medical Words

Morphology, the study of words and their formation, can be a fascinating pastime, but when one delves into the specialty area of medical words, it can get truly exciting. I began thinking about this when I realized that, although I always say that I had ileostomy surgery, what I actually had was a complete proctocolectomy (allegedly known in the surgeon’s break room as “the fully monty”). Now, that is one gawdawful sounding word. It looks bad, plus it sounds terrible, and it is both, in truth. Medical terms are creatures of combination. You have a root, add a prefix, a suffix, and voilá, that’s what you’re suffering, sorry to tell you. Now I also happen to have kidney issues, so there is ren(es) from the Latin which produces the word renal; then there is neph from the Greek, which gives me my kindly nephrologist. Some medical words may stretch into non-medical areas where they take on totally different meanings. Hypertension, for example, designates high blood pressure to a physician, but to a moviegoer it may mean a thrilling film plot. Malignant means the presence of cancerous cells, but in today’s political climate it could refer to Donald Trump (the malignant narcissist). But anyway, regarding that proctocolectomy that some hypermalignant surgeon whose name I have long since forgotten performed on my 21-year-old body, it derives from proct/o (anus & rectum), col (colon), and -ectomy (surgical removal). With that, I believe I’ll go have a sip of a benign relaxant.

Hello Henry.

I much prefer the 'alternative medical dictionary' approach :

Artery - The study of paintings.
Barium - What Doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome.
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.
Colic - A sheep dog.
Dilate - To live long.
Enema - Not a friend.
Fibula - A small lie.
Genital - Not a Jew.
Impotent - Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work.
Morbid - A higher offer. funny medical terms
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.
Node - Was aware of.
Outpatient - A person who has fainted.
Post Operative - Letter carrier.
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery.
Seizure - Roman Emperor.
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport.
Urine - Opposite of 'you're out'.

 

Best wishes

Bill

 

LMAO, these are hysterical.

Hilarious, Bill! To this list, I would only add "innuendo" the Italian suppository.

Laurie

Hi Bill,   These are brilliant!   Thanks for bringing some laughter into my day.   I just finished reading something that made me quite tearful, so this was just what I needed.   Did you come up with them all?

Terry

My Ostomy Journey: Ryan | Hollister

Hello Terry. No! I did not invent the list, It was copied directly from Google but unfortunately there was no acknowledgement as to who it could be attributed to.

Best wishes 

Bill