Ostomy Memories on Pre-existing Conditions

An ostomy is a pre-existing condition, a secret one, living under our clothing and not allowing us to forget it is there, like an intrusive old aunt who keeps phoning, wondering when we’re going to come visit her again. It became a part of me after five terrible months of hospitalization and a last-ditch surgery. That I survived all that is not something that I regard with reverence as a bridge to some deeper purpose, for I put no store in fate or faith. There is another f-word which I have relied upon with some frequency, along with a few of its equally crude philological cousins, a relief that provides more comfort than prayer. The ostomy did allow me the continuing opportunity to be ambulatory, to be conscious of the small, wonderful things I see: the new leaf in the spring, the small frog on my kitchen window in the morning, the marvel of approaching rain. We have to take advantage of our other pre-existing condition: consciousness.

Hello HenryM. 

Thank you for reminding us of that pre-condition of 'consciousness'. It is a concept which captures my poetic imagination at times but often this will be in the context of bullying. So, I will share two rhymes with you; The first is one where I contemplate the better things in life and the second is one from the darker side. 

Best wishes

Bill

HAVE YOU SEEN.

Have you seen the sunrise – in the sky.
Have you seen a sunlit - butterfly
Have you seen red sunsets – fade and die.
Have you seen the glint within my eye.

Have you seen a haw frost – glistening bright.
Have you seen a snowflake – crystal white
Have you seen my fire – that burns so bright.
Can we be together – every night

Have you seen a dewdrop – pure and clear.
Have you seen a small child – shed a tear.
Have you seen the moon – from clouds appear.
If I sang a love song – would you hear.

Have you seen the twinkling - of a star.
Have you seen the sprinkling – nebula
Have you seen me watching – from afar.
Can I say I love you – as you are.

Have you seen an eagle - soaring high.
Have you seen a fledgling – try to fly.
You have been the highlight - of my life.
I’m so glad I’ve had you – for my wife.

                                      B. Withers (1997)

RENE DESCARTES – I’m with you.

I think and therefore I exist
Is a quote that’s hard to resist.
For you’re bound to meet some resistance.
When you’re threatening my existence.

Will I really be told by you.
What to think and what to do.
My response must surely be
‘I’ will think and think for ‘me’.

At work they may buy my time.
A straightforward trade of mine.
‘If’ you think – I think you’ll find.
Time does not equate with mind.

When you try to say to me.
‘My’ problem’s with authority.
What you do is hide your shame.
Of trying to offload the blame.

‘Certain’ types of authority.
Will see ‘their’ problems lie with me.
But I have no need of shame.
For it’s clear that they’re to blame.

Problems within authorities.
Are ‘dominance’ and hierarchies.
Power corrupts – the saying goes.
In dominance that corruption shows.

Hierarchies always seem to hire
Those who wish to hire & fire
Power they have and that they wield.
To have effect, must pierce my shield.

Where there’s power, there will be some.
Who will abuse and use the gun.
To dominate and subordinate.
Indoctrinate and subjugate.

I have no power, nor do I wish.
To gain my strength from this foul dish.
And here I share my reasons why –
It’s ‘BULLY’-beef – not humble pie.

The bullies want to get their way.
By silencing what others say.
Their forceful threats intimidate.
Only if we participate.

With no power or assistance.
I will opt for passive resistance.
Temporarily they may get their way.
But truth will out at end of day.

As I look up from lowly base.
To see the bully’s ugly face.
I console myself with this brief thought.
It may be so – but should not ought.

In my life I’ve mostly found
A safer place on moral mound.
I think, then know, what I value.
Then from afar I pity you.

For when your powers’ all been used.
You sit alone, perhaps confused.
Few will be beneath your spell.
And fewer still will wish you well.

But I will still be very proud.
To be just one in that vast crowd.
Of all those people you put down.
Just so you could wear a crown.

I would not even give you tuppence
To see you get your just come-uppance.
For I have never played your games.
Nor share your values or your aims.

Your world of threats and violence.
Simply does not make much sense.
And I could never follow you.
For what you have has no value.

                                   B. Withers 2009

Henry, what you are describing is traumatic growth - the making of lemonade from lemons, so to speak. It is SO important, after suffering a life threatening or life altering disease or surgery, to be able to reframe the experience in order to live with what has happened. Those who cannot do this continue to suffer. Those who can are able to put the experience largely behind them, and get on with living their lives in a positive way. Noticing the things you describe: the small frog, the new leaf, the approaching rain - is an indication that you have been able to rise above the trauma and get on with your life. You are engaging in mindfulness in those moments - a wonderful way to find peace despite the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" as Shakespeare called suffering. I heartily endorse the liberal use of the "f-bomb" and its cousins as one travels this journey; suppressing anger only prolongs the suffering. Anger must be vented - only after anger is exhausted can we begin to move toward acceptance. Thanks, Henry, for demonstrating that it is possible to reach a truce with an ostomy, and the conditions that led to it.

Laurie

What a talent you are Bill, and who knew you were such a romantic!?

Well said, Henry! I'm grateful to have survived my surgeries.

How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Wow... a discussion involving consciousness! Henry... you are all over the map... but I love it... I never know what to expect when I open up one of your most recent round of ostomy memory posts. Interestingly, the word "conscious" has to be one of the hardest words to actually define in our language. If you try to look it up, you'll find a plethora of definitions, most minor variations of one another, but nothing positively definitive. Yet when someone says "conscious" or "consciousness," everyone knows what you mean.

But I digress... you are absolutely right. When we slow down and actually look at all the minor things we take for granted in our daily life, we can only be amazed. It really is a truly spectacular world we are lucky enough to exist in. I pity those who never have the opportunity to realize that.

Regards,

Bob

Thumbs up, my friend.  Words that are difficult to define are VERY interesting.  I may hit on a few more in the near future.