The Nightmare Trip - Dealing with an Ignorant Travel Companion

I just returned from a Red Hat convention in Montana. I went with a non-ostomate whom I have traveled with three times before. When we arrived at our destination, she decided we had to eat NOW. The restaurant in the Hilton where we stayed was, of course, not cheap. On the way down the elevator, she saw an ad for a 2 for $35 special at the restaurant we were en route to. She asked if we qualified and the waitress said no. In front of a group of acquaintances who had invited us to join them, she proceeded to explain to the waitress that we are gay NOT. The other people at our table were very quiet as she proceeded to tell this young waitress that discrimination was not prudent. This woman is 65 and very wealthy. She was successful and only later turned to our companions and said we are not gay really.

Later, I was having a problem with gas building up in my pouch. The filter was not masking the odor well. I did everything I could, including changing the pouch and using an air freshener. She got a can of air freshener from the maid and proceeded to read her book and spray in my direction every few minutes. This woman is an employee of a homecare business dealing with sick and elderly people on a daily basis.

At the border, she was driving my new car. Despite the fact that we had not spent anything near our limit on US goods or alcohol, she glibly lied to the customs officer.

I travel a lot and she always wants to come with me. She is very dependent and could not read a map or find a hotel if her life depended on it. After harassing me about using my GPS, I turned it on and she could not follow that either. On the way home, she nonchalantly wanted to know what was wrong with my pouch that it did that. I finally lost it and told her that I had done everything humanly possible and was in a fair amount of pain at the time. She wanted to know why I did not tell her! I told her that was pointless because neither of us could do anything. This is the last time I go anywhere with her. I think I know why her children and her siblings will not speak to her. They screen their calls and hang up if she manages to get them to answer the phone. She claims she does not enjoy her own company because she does not "like herself". After this trip, I have to agree with her.

I hope no one else ever encounters an ignorant moron like this on a "holiday".
In retrospect, I should have told her in front of the waitress that I would pay for her food if she didn't have the money, and I should have gone down and gotten a room of my own that last night. I am going to have a very hard time being polite when I run into her in the future.
I am absolutely furious.

Funny girl.

Not a funny situation. Sounds like she could be a real *ITCH... I had a friend that did something like that a couple of years ago when we were away for a week. The first 5 days were good, then suddenly on the 6th day she turned weird and nasty. I asked her why she was like that and she said it happens and I should just leave her alone, she will be okay... And she toddled off somewhere on the island we were on. She arrived back for lunch and totally ignored me and put some pathetic noise (she called it music) on her iPod she had in her ears. I asked her to turn it down. She got nastier. We really never spoke for the rest of the time. I had known this person for 3 years.

She also complained Mr. Wilson (stoma) stank and... Nasty person. It's like non-ostomates think we can control the odor of our bags. If only what happened to us happens to them and they think of how they treated us...

We got the ferry home (and she left the car and me there), and I dropped her home and have not heard from her since and that was February 2008. Apparently it has something to do with feeling guilty about how she felt about a relative and it was not the same opinion as her parents (who are nice by the way)... She said she did something she would be outcasted for... To make it even weirder, she said something about my driving on the way home, and I turned around to her and asked her if she wanted to walk the 100 km home... Don't know if that was the icing on the cake for her.

Funny though, she was a carer for her father and brother. I have no sympathy for these rude people at all... I don't know if it also has something to do with these people's ages and thinking "this won't happen to them"...

Anyway, she does not contact me and hopefully after your companion treated you that way, you have the same luck as me - no contact.

You need to tell her "NO" to going with you again and tell her why. She is rude, lies, and is a waste of space... Money or no money, she sounds totally rude... AND your acquaintance has an aged care unit... Wouldn't go there!

Jax

Wow! Sometimes we don't half pick 'em! I'm having a friend issue too - though this is someone that was always around to support me, until now... she has just been given a car, therefore no longer needs to borrow mine and has been seen once in the last 2 weeks - expect she will be back once she needs to borrow money off me for fuel or food, has run out of teabags or needs to use my phone for free - but she can go to hell, seen her for what she is now and realize she was taking the piss. Best off without, but it is sad after so long.....

Thank you Jax for the support. I am over my anger and am content to let life teach her a lesson. She gets into hassles with family and neighbors on a daily basis, they can deal with her. I am done!

People like that are not friends, they are showing their true colors.

How to Get Back to Activity after Ostomy Surgery with Kimberly | Hollister

Yes Mike they are - feel more crappy about it as didn't see it earlier, I suppose I am too quick to see the good in people, yet I used to be quite intuitive about things - probably another thing I have bloody lost!

The loss is actually very hard to deal with - I have lost friends, my confidence, my job, my partner, my income and the rest of my health since this all began, it is so hard to remain positive when that happens - but I do try .......... I think my fatigue makes it worse, if I can't get out and about then I get very down in the dumps .... nice day today, hope to do a bit in my garden, if I can stay awake!

Take care all Rachey xxxxx

You should tape any conversations she partakes in. Then play it back for her and ask her how bitchy she sounds, then give her the flick.

Yes, there are some really ignorant people out there. A colleague I work with knew I had a stoma quite early on, and I admit the smell wasn't great when I had to empty the bag at work several times a day. She used to be stood in the queue saying how someone must have rotten guts, but also that 'certain people' had a nerve using work loos for 'that business' when they should be using it at home. To my face, she'd be artificially inconsiderate. She's just a two-faced *itch. She complained so much in my earshot that they finally put a fan in the loos. You certainly find who your friends are when it comes to the crunch. It's a sad fact of life.

Sweetie,
How could everyone not love you and want to be your friend? I just think you are really special!
Mary

Hi Funny, I am so sorry that you were hurt by someone you thought was a friend, but I am learning myself that people think they are better than us when something isn't going right for us in our lives. Jax is right and it really is better not to give someone like that the time of day. I am having a hard time myself trying to figure out which is the best company to use. I am using a two-piece Hollister now, but I still have trouble and I haven't slept in my bed in almost four months I had this. I sleep in a chair in the living room with a ton of blankets under me and my husband and I had the hardest time getting a nurse to help us put even a bag on. At first, we had to go to the emergency room every time I needed one changed as that hospital didn't have ostomy nurses. My older son and my psychiatrist got me into a better hospital and I saw several good ostomy nurses, but I still need to go to some classes and pray even harder when October gets here that my doctor can reverse this. I can't handle anyone telling me that it isn't possible and I will be stuck like this when I never had a bowel problem in my life. I wanted to tell myself that the doctor that did this to me was because I fell out of the shower after my daughter died washing my hair and screaming to God why take my only daughter. But the medical doctors say that can't happen from a fall. I got an idiot doctor and I am trying not to let this bag leak or drip or smell or anything and I don't even want to leave my home. No one has the right to hurt us when we are already dying inside. I do believe what goes around comes around and it may not be the same thing, but I do believe we do reap what we sow. I am so sorry you were treated so horribly. God bless you and ignore ignorance, not worth any of our time. No matter how strong we act or talk, we all have suffered from these ostomies. No matter why or whatever reason we got them. This pain to me has been the hardest I have ever had medically. I love each and every one of you all. I know I am a Christian and some of you are not, but I do believe that the God I believe in knows all of our hearts and we are pure and here caring for other human beings and anymore that is one rare thing in this life. You take care of you and I am so proud you had the honesty and pureness to tell this story. It helped me understand I am not so alone and why I turned down lunch with a dear friend today. Love always and forever, Jenny.

Hello all of you; I admire your courage for going anywhere, much less traveling. Although my ostomy usually is active only in the early morning and the evening, I am afraid to go anywhere except for a quick visit to the dentist or the store. My daughter and I are planning to stay at a motel in New England for one week this summer, and I am wondering how to handle the situation (odors, disposing of used wafers, etc.) Fortunately, my daughter is a nurse, but I want to handle this "stuff" efficiently. I am also planning to attend an evening wedding, which is a "bad time for me". I do not want to cause any embarrassment for my family. Yet, I really want to go. Thanks for all your messages. CSC

CSC .... just get yourself kitted out with diaper/nappy sacks and dispose of them in baby changing rooms or in the sanitary bins in the ladies' loos?

When travelling - which isn't often, I take a large bath sheet from home and sleep on it just in case and wear a couple of layers just in case of leaks in the night and it getting on their sheets, which I just could not bear!

Odors - I use ostomist Mint drops in the pouch and Limone spray which is pretty good, or another to try is Dansac's Nodor S.

Good luck, relax, check regularly and have a lovely time!

Rach xxx

I travel all the time by car and by plane. I hope my melodrama does not scare you off living a full life. I simply had one of those times when something I ate or a bug that was going around caught up to me. Had my travelling companion been a mature adult, it would have been no big deal. I have dumped the bitch and will continue my life and travels without her. Her loss.

Grandma Ellis used to say "if someone is out to make your life a misery then Uckem." She was an old battle axe who I vaguely remember as a young lad. But then there was never anything sweet and demure about our family except my sister next up from me, spoilt lil soanso.