Feeling Depressed After Recovery: Is This Normal?

I have been feeling a bit down lately ... at a time when the ileo op (dec 09) is well behind me; I've had an excellent recovery, my life is back on track and the minor physical upsets (rectal UC and worrying about hernias) are a walk in the park compared to my 30+ years of UC.

So why am I feeling depressed now? It comes and goes, isn't major but it does surprise me.

Anyone else have this somewhat delayed reaction?

now tell me Beatrice what surgery was it again,, if it was a colectomy  or other such thing where a part of you is removed then depression is normal. See we go through a grief process when we lose any part of our body even though we feel we have recovered and are coping. the time to sit down and mull through these feelings and if you find you are getting more depressed see your doctor and get onto anti depressants for a while. I did andI feel heaps better.

Hey Gus!

It was an ileostomy in Dec ... so a big chunk of me was removed
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. Maybe you are right ... to begin with I was so involved with the day to day changes/coping that my mind didn't have a chance to really "think" about what had happened to me.

Now that I'm back to "normal
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", all the feelings can emerge.

And yes, if it goes on for any length of time or gets worse, I'll see the doc.

Ive been suffering with depression since my first colectomy back in 1998 I thin it was. Been untreated till now,, man how did I survive

Beatrice

you may well have some PTSD(post traumatic stress)  from the stress of the surgery's and life changes.
although depression medications may work.  Most have a minor effect if any.
The medications are a short term fix for a long term problem.

Are there any group therapy sessions in your area that maybe available.   Your doctor may or may not know of such groups.  

Long term these groups work very well.  After a time the participents(sp) take on a trust of each other and some of the deep skeletons can come out of the closet.  Many of these are not even known until they surface.

Good luck.

Rick.....

My Ostomy Journey: Keyla | Hollister

I don't agree Pete. I know of people who if they stop taking the anti depressants they slip back into that black hole of despair and anxiety. Anti depressants do work and not in a minor way. Depression is an illness of the mind that can be compounded by traumatic events such as amputations, etc. I think your way off beam in your answer pete.

I can't recommend anything as I don't know you and each to their own, however when offered the choice of happy pills or go for counselling I took the counselling route. My decision was based on my own thoughts that pills just masked or supressed the problem though others may well disagree. My doctor also told me that an hour of good excercise would have more/better effect than a few tabs of prozac.

Secondly, my depression wasn't entirely down to the change in my life but many other contributing things that hadn't even occurred to me.

Counselling is good, well good for me (though my  friend Eileen refuses to  join in with me in calling them 'looney lessons').

The main thing I had/noticed when i was being continuially down was that I didn't want to be here but I didn't want to be there either (wherever there was?)

I wish you all the best, depression is not good.

i would have to say that even after it being a 1yr and little more when i got my little friend that when depression hits me is when i keep looking at what i used to do and what i cant do any more. i see that comes from mainly the people that bitch about their jobs,don't realize how lucky they are to still be able to get out,go to work or go do activities that a lot of us cant do, or we pay a price if we choose to do it anyways. so i look at all the fun things i can still do there is no groups where i am at so its all on us to figure out what to do. then of course i come to check on what new with some that are still in need of a good chat and have talk to few on emails and then they must be doing good cause i havent heard back or there are a few on face book that get to send a nice poke or a nice little high how are you doing and if that makes you smile then thats what every one needs to do is figure out how to make people smile even when in the shitter still someone somewhere needs your smile and you will get one back if you dont then they are in worse shape if they stay negative thats bad juju well back to playing games and my many trips to the shitter talk to you all soon

Hi Rick
You state when talking about anti depressants *Most have a minor effect if any* That is a fact. If you had said  "In my opinion most have a minor effect if any^ then the difference is you are stating an opinion. I am sorry if this sounds like a lecture but I feel angry at most of your replies to people. I feel you come across as superior.
Maureen

Hi Beatrice
It is only 5 months since your surgery so it is not long. You have been through a lot. I think depression which comes and goes is normal. Having  a bag, even though it has solved your long term UC. is still a major trauma. I know I am suffering from depression as my life changed so much when I was told 3 years ago that I had pseudomyxoma. I have good and bad days. Up one minute only for some minor thing to happen then I feel down.
Take care
Maureen

I have certainly had a delayed reaction to it all - after my 'stresses' had settled down a bit my body just said 'enough is enough' and landed me with Fibromyalgia .... Have had the depression since just before it all started when my marriage was failing - tried for a long time to avoid the medication, but have taken it now for some years as things progressed and my health then got worse.

I would say they don't cure necessarily, but do make things a little easier to cope with if that makes sense ... with yourself as you are now generally 'sorted' and life is getting back to normal it may be a short term spell on them might help or as has already been suggested some counselling (that didn't do it for me, as it is all circumstance that needs to change for things to be better for me, seem to have been playing a waiting game for help for years now with not much control over my own life, but group support does help me a great deal, wish I could find more of that type of support locally .... )

If you feel bad girl, get off to the doc and see if he has any suggestions, I will be there tomorrow to see if he has any further ideas about my situation since my unexpected hospital visits, but not sure that he will have! Take care, Rach xxx

Beatrice:  After battling Crohn's for 37 years, I had my colon/rectum removed 12/09, so we are about the same time since surgery.  

Depression has been a battle.  I can logically explain how I am better since the surgery, but that often doesn't help the emotional feelings.  I have close friends/family to talk to and have done the anti-depressant thing.  I now think that what helps more than anything is to stay as busy with life as I can.  When I don't have the pain or other "device issues," I do much better when I am very busy.  Later, I  realize what I have done.  I have gone on with life.  I have been productive.  I have interacted with people.  I have laughed.  I have made new friends.  I can really do as much or more than I used to.  Gradually, I think this is really helping me pull out of that deep, dark funk!  Stay as busy as your body will allow.

Maureen,

When someone says something, unless a source is disclosed I take it as their opinion.  They are the one saying it.  Who else's opinion would it be?
Perhaps you do not do that.

I am sorry my replies are not to your liking.  That certainly is not my intent.

What my intent is, to hopefully stave off someone from either assuming or making the same mistakes I did.  Through either bad or misinformation.

Tell me Maureen, how many years have you been involved in counciling depressive PTSD patients?  I started in 1996 and continue to do so bi monthly.  I can assure you the more I learn the dumber I get.     

I hit the books daily to learn.  I never stand still.  

Yes you are lecturing, if that is what pops your cork! Go for it.   I am probably just as guilty as you are.
However, you might just read and then do some follow up research.  

An atrophy mind, is bliss.

Rick.....

Gus, always my pleasure to hear from you.

In part, I agree with you. In my humble opinion, the despair of deep depression is something I wish on no one.

I did not say all cases were not helped by depression medications. I did say something to the effect that not many are helped by the meds. I should have qualified that to say long term.

I have found the meds will help open the door to get to the root of the problem. The meds simply mask the problem. In some cases, the problem can't be solved.

I also agree very strongly to try and stay busy, occupy oneself. I can't tell you how many times years and years ago I would simply lie in bed. A dark cloud over my life. I would try as I might to make myself get up and simply move. I couldn't do it. The dark hole of despair just kept pulling me deeper into it. I kept at it, and one day I did get up. Then the next time was still very hard, but not quite as hard.

You know, Gus, when I got out of the hospital in late 2008 after being in and out, mostly in, for a year and six surgeries. It took me three months of pure pain to do one push-up. I finally did one.
Then a few days later, two. Now I do over 100 at a time. I guess what I am trying to say is it does not come easy.

I am sure there are a few that depressive meds may help long term, but not many. Many of the meds, Prozac being one of the worst, their effect long term simply starts to wear off.

I can certainly understand anyone with a bag would be very suspect for depression. I would be pleasantly surprised to hear of a person wearing the bag that was not somewhat fighting depression at times. If there is, my hat is off to them.

One more thing, I hear on this board. A few of the folks are saying they cannot do things they once did because of the bag. Other than swimming, the bag did not slow me down one iota.

Good luck down under. I am glad to hear your medical problem got straightened out. In reading your posts, you sounded in a lot of pain. And getting to the end of your rope.
Glad you are better.

Rick.....

Thanks Rick. Yes I have been able to get most of the health issues sorted of late but I,m still battling a painful flare up of Crohns without pain relief. Bit of a struggle but not insurmountable. It's very right what you say about having a bag. we may be able to accept if physically but mentally its a whole new ball game. Swimming is the only thing i will not do. I would hate to have my bag come off in a pool or at the beach like once happened a while back. Very embarrassing and not pleasant. I'll get by though I don't need to swim or dive as much as i love it. I can do other things to pass the time. One thing I can't do is pushups though. Both long head biceps are torn through so pushups are out as is any weight lifting etc. I,ll get meself a new surf rod and go fishing I think and see if I can catch me a jewfish (also known as butterfish here cos of the sweet and moist flesh). They are big suckers and I would love to battle one and land it. Bloody good eating.

Ok stay strong mate and lets keep supporting the wonderful and not so wonderful people here.

Steve

Steve,
You mention the good and not so good.

I think all here are good.  We may have different views on some things and lots of different opinions.  When all the chaff is shaken out, the wheat is what is left.  We are the wheat . We all have similar problems to varying degree's.

For me this board gives me something,  I can only seek here.

To understand what we live, a person has to have lived it.  

True I do irritate a few of the folks from time to time.  Anything I can do to get some of the great people on here to think for themselves and think out of the box.
In my opinion(that was for Scarlet) pretty much for the most part. The bag experience is a learned through trail and error.  

Good to hear from you.  Sorry you are still fighting pain.

Up in the states it is getting very hard to get a doctor to write script for pain medications.
Many of the drug stores do not even stock oxycontin.  They are afraid of  robbery for the drugs.
I have no problem getting getting pain meds, however I seldom use them.
I have enough stuff going on,  with out an addiction to drugs added to it.

Rick.....

Hi Rick, good choice of words you used. Also, I know a few doctors in Washington that would give pain pills, but OxyContin is really freaking strong. I get two Lortab tens a day, and that is plenty. I am not in any pain from this anyway; it's for headaches. But I do know if you study up on spray Cobroxin, you will see it has helped so many people with pain and even Crohn's, as I was shocked when I saw that. I don't have Crohn's, and I had to find out how bad the pain was from the people on this board. Cobroxin was used in World War II with morphine; now you can buy it at CVS or Overstock.com and other places with no script. I have a bad rotator cuff, and I use the cream so I can sleep at night. It is just a little cobra venom and not enough to hurt anyone; they did a ton of tests on it. I just thought I would tell you because it isn't addicting. I hope all goes well with you. I checked with my doctor on my reversal in October, so I won't be on here a long time. He said the worst case is 2 percent failure, and that is with people who have cancer or Crohn's, and I have neither. I got upset when people told me theirs failed, and I was so angry. So I researched all the doctors I could; they think people get on these chats who really have no more hope of a reversal, and it does scare people who have a really good chance of good fortune. I did meet some really nice people on this board, and that I am grateful for. Being a nurse when I was younger, I cared about all my patients, but man, I had no idea of how they felt with ostomies. I just took the history and their blood, did my lab work, and went home the next morning as I was on the night shift. I am now 52, and my adopted son is why I quit. I love being home for him, but I also loved my job. But being a mom is a hard job also, and children want mom home after school. My husband makes that possible. I hope you do really well in life, and I hope I do also, and the rest of the people on here. Miss Scarlett is one of the kindest people I have met since I've been here; she has bent over backwards to be nice. If you think you offended her, she seems like the kind of person who would talk anything out. I wish we had more like her. God bless you and take care of yourself, Jenny

Hey Beatrice;

I hope this reply isn't coming too late but I thought I'd put my two cents in.

I don't think it's at all unusual for you to be going through periods of depression or just generally feeling "blah". I know that Tyler, more than a year post op, still struggles occasionally. He might wake up one morning and feel down, but with lots of support and understanding he always comes around. I think it's entirely normal for people who have had major body changes to experience periods of sadness, self pity, even rage! Who wouldn't?

It's all totally acceptable, and completely normal. Just remember to reach out during those dark times; refuse to suffer alone, because you have come way too far for that, and are deserving of all the support that's out there.

It seems to me that we have ALL rights to feel depressed at times. I went from a GREAT life working on the road with country artist and while managing several on a country cruise started to have minor bladder leakage.. When I returned I went in for what WAS to be a simple operation "bladder sling" as we were on tour and told I'd only be off for 2 wks. Well the Dr screwed up and cut rectum nerves, which he never should have been near to begin with. I was transfered to a hospital 3 hrs away and they did an Iliostomy..After a year of trying everything to get my output to slow down, I went in for an experimental operation and had it changed to a Colostomy. I'm still having problems..Its been 2 yrs since my life changed-ANGRY, YES! Sad, confused, feeling degraded and what little pride we have is taken away as we now have to deal with our bowels in a bag..We have EVERY right to be deoressed and as for talking to anyone--UNLESS you've been here THEY dont understand..I function day to day but HAPPY--NOT. I want my life back as it was...

Right with you there butterfly ..... won't go into my story as it is in my blog (if you have time - pretty long!) .... I am now going through another period where again no-one is listening to me - I am pretty sure I have something auto-immune going on, feel dreadful but all I am getting is that " you will feel better when you've had your surgery .....".  I have now waited 12 years for some effective surgery ... was hoping that last month would have been some tests under anaesthetic and I would be getting the major surgery I need by say August/September. As my first test is now not going to be until September, it looks as though I won't be getting the surgery now until next year (NHS waiting lists .....) However, if I am like I am now I won't be fit enough anyway, and unless someone takes me seriously soon I suspect I will be a lot worse so it won't happen anyway ....... stuck between a rock and a hard place as they say.

I want some sort of life back too - this is barely an existence ..............

Butterfly, God Bless You so Much, I am so deeply sorry for what was done to you.  I sware I do understand as dumb me had five days of medicine for my bladder infection, I tried to get to a clinic as I dont have a Primary Doctor and my clinic I go to was closed and my husband took me to a Seven Day Adventist Hospital and they asked all kinds of questions, I didnt want to say anything but it hurt to tinkle, but my husband told the Doctor that we buried our daughter last year and I was seeing a Psychiatrist and taking xanax.  Big mistake as this Doctor wouldnt call my Psychiatrist and he told us that if he didnt do surgery now that I would be dead and I fainted and my husband signed papers for surgery he didnt even read.  I had a beautiful tummy as I did and do have a problem with plastic surgery and I put a lot of money into making it perfect.  I woke up I dont know when as I have no Idea what drugs they had me on, but no one but two orderlies even knew I was in the hospital.  When I could rip all the tubes out of me and crawl out of that room they had me in I did and I was nacked with a slice in my stomach and a bag and I was freaking out.  I went to the Nurses station and I was at a door that set off alarms when you opened it and I kept doing it until they called the Police.  They did and I made them show me my records so they could see no one but those orderlies and that freaking Psycho Doctor knew I was in there.  They had no records and had to call down to the Emergency room to get anything.  They said I had Diverticulits and I found out from my colonoscopy Doctor the other day that was a big lie.  I would not mind this freaking bag if I was sick, but my colon is totally normal and I never had any trouble in my life with it.  My husband feels really guilty because I did tell him when I buy a car or any thing you read everything but when it comes to one of my organs you dont read anything.  So I am one mad wife right now and I am 52 and been married for almost 34 years and I got so sick after the Doctor did this to me that my Psychiatrist put me in a good hospital in Atlanta and Sepsis almost killed me.  My kidneys were totally failing, I got Pnemonia, Diabetes, Anemia and any darn thing I could get with Sepsis and I had to have a plug in my neck for all the IV's and another bag to drain the pus from my stomach in me and I wanted to die.  The only reason I didnt is I have a twelve year old adopted son and one son in DC who dont want me dead.  I know my husband cant forgive himself and I was the most forgiving person I ever knew until now.  After my reversal in October as the Colonoscopy Doctor said it is a go and I wouldnt have any problems.  My husband has to pay for my plastic surgery to give me back the tummy I had, but then I am leaving and it isnt that I dont love him, but this time I cant forgive him.  I was at one time a very good Catholic girl and held no hatred or anger no matter what anyone did to me.  But all these months, sitting in my chair thinking how to kill myself and knowing I will go to hell and not caring is killing me every day.  The one thing about me is my Faith is really untouchable and I once believed I could forgive anything and I found out that I cant.  I would never not read something so important when someones life is involved and he knew I only needed medicine for a bladder infection.  I have had my trials in my younger days with surgerys and being sick and I got through them, but this time I wasnt sick and I didnt deserve this either and I can feel how sad and hurt you are by what was done to you Butterfly, look at my pictures as I have my baby girl who died a little over a year ago on my pictures and one is her with Alice Cooper as she did things like you, she just did hair and makeup for Rock Bands.  Plus I put a picture of her awesome tattoo of Alice on her arm on my picture page.  She was so proud of that tattoo.  I cant take your pain Butterlfly but my heart is breaking for you and I am crying so hard while trying to understand why some Doctors cant value our lives anymore than a nat on a wall.  Peace and God be with You Always Butterfly and I am here if you ever need to talk.  I didnt feel good yesterday so I didnt get on last night on the chat rooms and I am so sorry.  But one thing I know is your children need you and we on this board need you, it doesent matter how we became an Ostomate anymore it matters that we are one and we all have a connection.  Some people are handling it better than others but like you I am not.  Please look at a flower or the Ocean and the power in the Sea is so strong and I always told my children every time you look at the Ocean it is as close to ever seeing the Eyes of God, nothing else has that power.  I love you Butterfly in Christ Name, Jenny

I'm feeling you, Butterfly.

While we do have every right to feel depressed (at a low point now myself) ... don't you find that some days are better ... in fact, pretty good?

I know that although I've adapted well to the ileostomy life, I still say to myself "I want my old life back" too. The old life had pain, meds, etc.  But what it didn't have is a bag. Some days the thought of not having the bag is so real and emotional. I don't like it, I want it gone.

But then there are the good days, where I forget about the bag (for a few hours at most - till I need to empty
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.) Where I'm into whatever I'm doing and just enjoying being alive.

So one day at a time ... sounds corny, but if you see the joy in each moment, you are less likey to dwell on the negative.

All the best.

I have been on anti depressants for years and I am not ashamed of it. It is a chemical imbalance in my brain. I take zoloft and wellbutrin actually the generics. I also take thyroid meds and gabapentin for nerve pain. I used to be suicidal and angry all the time. But since being on these meds I am a completely different person. I take things in stride now. I don't get  angry and want to hit something or kick my door like I used to. If I weren't on anti depressants I could never handle having kidney cancer then cervical cancer, radiation, chemo brachytherapy, a large tumor behind my throat, Lynch syndrome which causes rapidly growing tumors and now a colostomy. I would have found a way to kill myself. I hated life and people. The only thing I loved was animals. It took a while to find the right combination of anti depressants to work for me but Thank God for them. My bag burst all over me today twice and what a mess. I was wearing my favorite dress too. But I just laughed about it. I feel normal where as before I felt like a freak. I will never go back to feeling that way again. Depression is an illness too. Life is to short to be miserable and hating life. I would never have lasted 24 years in my marriage without them.

Butterfly, have you talked to an attorney?  That is a blatant act of recklessness and unless you live in one of thaoe states that places a time limit on torts (2 Years, for example) it seems to me you have an obvious litigible tort claim.    And it looks open and shut.  go for it!

Bmeup

Hi Beatrice,

I can't say I have noticable bouts of depression since my surgery (Feb., 2011) but I have been on citalopram (Celexa) since June of 2011.  I began feeling a little down a few weeks after my surgery and then suddenly like a bolt of lightning, I spiralled into the worse depression I'd ever experienced.  I was totally flat and felt absolutley numb.  I continue to take the anti depressant because, quite frankly, I'm afraid NOT to at this point.  My life has the usual problems, financial, dealing with loneliness, etc... and I am sure if I was not taking medication I'd be miserable.  Do talk to your doctor.  There is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants if they can help you.  If one deosn't work, try another.  And keep talking here to people who can understand some of what you are going through.  Sometimes I feel like that's all I talk about to my family, which is not true, but having understanding friends is so important.  I do love this website and the people on it.  I feel so fortunate to have found it.  I hope you feel better soon and keep us posted on how you are doing.

 

Cheers,

Tamarah